I Didn't Mean To Hurt Him

Kyle and I were best friends throughout our teens and well into our twenties. Our friendship survived him going off to college and becoming a successful businessman while I immediately went into the business world upon our high school graduation. Many nights were spent out with our group of friends taking in a movie, going to clubs, singing karaoke or hanging at someone’s house playing poker or watching a movie.

A little over a year ago while out having lunch with my sister, I met Tom as we stood in front of the salad bar. Big blue eyes, sandy blonde hair and a few inches taller than myself. He seemed a tad shy, but that all went away when he turned to go back to his seat and proceeded to dump his salad, dressing and all, down my blouse.

I wasn’t prepared for him to apologize with a tear in his eyes before he ran into the nearest department store and proceeded to buy me this vintage t-shirt that said “I’m beautiful, go away” with a picture of Smurfette on it. Now, tell me, how could one be mad with him over a spilled salad plate when he goes and does something like that.

So I allowed him to pay for our lunch and agreed to a date with him later in the week.

That was the beginning of the end for Kyle and I, only back then, I didn’t know it.

I was interested in Tom from the get go and as he and I got to know each other more, we began to introduce each other into each other’s worlds. Our friends and our families, hobbies, interests and the like.

Kyle began to ignore us, rather me after a group of us went to a baseball game in the city and Tom and I, instead of staying in our seats, had walked around the stadium as Tom explained to me how he grew up loving baseball because of his grandfather. After the game, we had all planned on going to a local diner for a late night snack, but Kyle took me aside and simply said that he wasn’t going because he was sick of feeling like a fifth wheel. Um, okay… that was a first. I tried not to show my hurt and disappointment, but Tom knew something was wrong as we tagged along with the others.

Tom and I talked on the way home and Tom thought that perhaps Kyle was jealous of our relationship. I flat out denied that and almost became angry with Tom for suggesting it, but I held my tongue.

After we said goodnight and I went into my apartment, I checked my voicemail to have one from Kyle. He was upset and asked if we could talk so I called him back right away.

I was not prepared for what happened next. Instead of talking on the phone, he came over and poured his heart out to me. I was floored. When he declared his love for me was more than friendship, my heart sunk. I never thought of him as more than a friend and I explained that to him.

I didn’t mean to hurt him like that. Kyle got up and left. I gave him a few days to calm down as I told Tom everything that transpired and we both agreed that it was best if I didn’t try to contact Kyle. I had hoped that he would have contacted me, but he never did.

A month had passed and I finally tried to email him at work, only the email came back as undeliverable. I called his parents and his mom explained he had taken another job elsewhere and that I should try calling him.

I tried. Several times. I received a voicemail at work one day from him asking me to please stop calling him and to leave him and his family alone.

I was heartbroken. I thought that we could still have remained friends. He was my best friend. I was desperate to talk with him. Not just about what had happened between us, but about everything going on in our lives.

That’s when I realized that because I had moved on and into a serious relationship with Tom that Kyle couldn’t accept it.

I broke down and called Kyle’s mother and asked to talk with her. When I explained what had happened between Kyle and I she had explained his depression and why he had left town. He had told her his side of the story and she had held judgement of me until she had heard mine.

I had indeed hurt him. While we were not what I would justify in a romantic relationship, he believed that we were.

I had never hurt someone like that before in my life. I apologized to his mother and gave her a letter to give him when she felt he could handle it and went on with my life.

Today, as I get ready to walk down the aisle and marry Tom, I can accept the fact that Kyle and I are no longer friends, but I still miss him. I really wished he would be here and support me, but it’s not meant to be.

I only hope that someday he’ll realize that I didn’t mean to hurt him.