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by melly Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E · Essay · Cultural · #1315258
In the style of "The Female Body." Annoyances with Christmas and such.
“Holidays are an expensive trial of strength.  The only satisfaction comes from survival.”
-Jimmy Cannon
1
         I agree, they sure are a trial.  But Why?  Open up your eyes and look around, you fool.  It’s right in front of you. 
         My trial comes in August.  Trials are on my TV screen.  I want to throw something at those trials.  Rip them into tiny, unfixable pieces.  Trials included in the daily news, jumping out at me as if to scare me into buying into them.  Funny trials, sad trials, fancy trials, small trials, long trials, trials that play to my weaknesses, trials that look pretty, enticing me until I realize how much of a trial they really are.  These infuriating trials continue on…September, October, November…bypassing Halloween, not to mention Thanksgiving.  They tear at every single particle in my body.  Join us…join us…My trial reaches its climax in December.  Trials in store windows, trials in lobbies of homes where innocent people face the same trial that I do.  Trials plastered on doors and windows, trials on the radio when I wake up in the morning.  32 trials on my way to school, nipping at my tired body.  Trials coming from the people I know.  But I don’t say anything.  I can’t say anything.

2
         The best examples of Christmas commercialization must include the following essentials:  Happy, naïve children, adults in love (with material items), a fat man who seriously needs to shave, an evergreen tree, “holiday” cheer, sleigh bells, gifts galore, smiles to drown out all of the suffering in the world, no actual mention of Christmas itself, promises of happiness, well wishes, snow, a comfortable environment, hot chocolate, large green bagel like circles, catchy jingles, nostalgia, perfection, forgetfulness.

3
         We regret to inform you that these guidelines, while extremely important may result in minor, easy to fix, injuries:  Bewilderment of the impressionable, young, non-Christmas celebrating child.  (“Why don’t we celebrate Christmas?”)  An undiverse representation of American homes, loneliness, standards, maxed out credit cards, trying to please.  We especially request that you must not forget the risk of longing.
         Occasionally, these injuries may result in death or serious depression, caused by a harmfully large dose of some of the above.  Do not worry; it’s all in the holiday spirit.

4
         He says, aren’t they beautiful?
         She says, yes, but they’re pretty one sided.
         He says, but they’re for the holidays.
         She says, yes, one holiday.
         He says, and?
         She says, not everybody celebrates that holiday.
He says, but everyone can enjoy them.
She says, not quite.
He says, do you have something against Christmas trees and Santa?  They’re childhood symbols.
She says, maybe for you.  Her teeth are gritted.  She ends the statement with a glare and a growl.
He says, no need to get worked up about it.
She runs to the nearest store window and rips a plastic Santa off the clear indestructible glass and throws it at him.  She continues to do so down the entire block of storefronts.  People stare and gasp.  They don’t understand the frustration billowing inside of her.  She stomps on Christmas lights, willing them to shatter into a billion pieces.  She screams at mini Christmas trees, carefully avoiding the ruckus hidden behind the windows of the well-meaning stores.
She says, sorry, zoned out for a second there.
She looks to her right just in time to see a lone menorah standing along side elves and glass ornaments.  And she smiles.


5
         Christmas commercialization has many uses.  It can be used to promote items that would not sell without the aid of the pressure to buy the perfect gift.  It gives ideas, it spreads “holiday” joy, it makes you “happy.”  It takes in even the worst souls under its wing and makes them good, if only for a moment.  (Or so it likes to think) But don’t forget to be careful.  We must remember not to fall for the excuses that take advantage of the ones taken in by this artful propaganda.  (“Give a poor man some money on Christmas Eve”…little do you know that he’ll be spending it on alcohol anyway) Oh, and never forget it’s uncanny ability for pushing people, shoving them into the mix of December festivities where they don’t belong.  We may be a minority, but we don’t have to assimilate you know.  It’s called individuality.  Don’t get caught up in the magic of the moment.  Respect other people’s wishes and beliefs.  Anything will only work if you, yes you, give the necessary push.  It’s only there for your imagination.  Think outside that tinsel covered box.

6
         It is self-sufficient.  There is no need to contribute towards its pathway to world domination.  It has a mind of its own.  Looking at it is good enough.  Except for with critical eyes.  But we ignore those people.

7
         Everybody knows what Christmas is.  The priests, the rabbis, the mothers, the fathers, the janitors, the food critics, the lawyers, the doctors, the graphic designers.  I’d bet my right hand that the Chimpanzees do too.
         But Hanukkah?  What’s Hah-noo-kuh?  People smile questioningly with polite interest.  People look on with annoyingly ignorant curiosity at customs that are performed by an alarmingly small minority of the world.  We smile courteously back at them as they relax in the catchy tunes of Christmas carols blasting from the radio in public places.  Nobody ever hears “Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel” a month before its holiday connection comes about.  And never on the radio, God forbid.
         But in the end, when all is said and done, Hanukkah is not, was not, and never, ever in an infinite amount of years, will be Christmas.  They are on two different sides of the holiday spectrum.  Hanukkah is a particularly small notch in the rope of Judaism.  In comparison to Passover, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Shavuot, and many more, it is only a small diversion.  Hanukkah was shaped into what it is today because of Christmas.  Because of the jealous Jews of the assimilated world, who only wanted to make everything equal.  If they get presents, we should too.  And everybody likes presents.  So why not celebrate?  Who cares about the Maccabees?  Who cares about the miracles?  Just give us a present.  We need to celebrate our own culture…not mooch off somebody else’s.
         And what about the “other” holidays?  You know, the ones hardly anybody knows about or celebrates, but everyone pretends to be well informed about anyway.  We have to be politically correct.  You know, Kwanzaa.  The “other” holiday.  Pushed to the side and mostly ignored.  It has to make way for the Christmas superpower as well.  Even Hanukkah seems to overpower it.  Maybe there’s even more holidays.  But how would I know?  I can’t see past that gigantic Christmas tree in the White House.  You know, the governing house of the country that celebrates freedom of religion?  I don’t see any afikomen hunts on the front lawn.  But even that wouldn’t be fair, now would it?  Somebody is always forgotten.
         We call ourselves diverse.  Yeah right.  Maybe on Opposite Day.
© Copyright 2007 melly (melly_58 at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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