W.W.S.D?

W.W.S.D?

I think I actually liked him when I first saw him. I was sitting on my bed with my sister watching a taped show of American Idol. Although I’ve come to realize that the show has definitely lost its credibility since Kelly Clarkson’s victory, I still couldn’t miss an episode; especially the episodes where they go from town to town for auditions. I cringe, laugh, and cry (for multiple and combined reasons) when the contestants plant their feet in front of Randy, Paula and Simon and open their vocal chords – or lack thereof.

His sister auditioned first. I didn’t think she was anything special. Then Sanjaya Malakar took the stage in front of that hokey wall covered with the faces of recent idol winners. I thought he was all right but I found myself drawn to that smile… I thought it was cute. It’s humiliating to admit right now, but it’s the awful truth. However as much as I am ashamed of that fact, America was also mesmerized by those pearly whites.

He surprisingly managed to have some sort of longevity on the show, but the longer he stayed on, the more I hated him. That smile was just so big. I wanted to slap it off. I didn’t understand why people kept voting for him. His rendition of “You Really Got Me” really got me thinking of jumping off a cliff. Then there was the hair… So he decided to sing No Doubt’s “Bathwater,” but he could not have been serious about that imitation of Gwen Stefani’s hairstyle! It wasn’t even a decent fauxhawk. As Ryan Seacrest (whom I also detest) claimed, it was a “ponyhawk!” I didn’t pay enough attention to the gossip news to find out if it was the show’s hairstylist’s idea or his, but either way… it was just a major offense to anyone who unfortunately hadn’t gouged their eyeballs out of their sockets out of embarrassment and disgust yet.

Finally, Sanjaya was righteously kicked off. I was overjoyed for two reasons: I didn’t have to see that girl with the braces freakishly staining her face with tears anymore and I also didn’t want that lady who had been fasting for a few weeks already to starve. (How dare he continue to horrendously sing?) Fortunately, she didn’t stick to her protest against him. She did in fact, eat.

Up until one late night while I was sitting in the living room with the roommates, I hadn’t realized what Sanjaya really did for me. He gave me a reason to bitch while I watched American Idol. All good reality TV shows give you someone to hate. I had this epiphany during none other than the fabulous show, The Soup. The sketch was titled “House of Sanjaya.” An Indian guy who was supposedly the owner of a salon showed you many ways you could, in fact, look like Sanjaya using three different men with ridiculous wigs all similar to the hairstyles he had worn on American Idol. They strengthened the hilarious concept with his head (also with a different hairstyle each time) floating across the screen as someone whispered, “Sanjayaaaaa.”

After that, he became something ironic for Americans because of how much one could simultaneously hate and love him. As a country, we were saying, “You suck, but thank you for existing so you could be the ass of our jokes.” Something like this always happens. You decide you hate something but then you need to keep finding out more about whatever it is so you can claim all the reasons why you hate it.

So when I saw that my friend’s t-shirt business had just created the shirt, “W.W.S.D” which stood for “What Would Sanjaya Do,” I had to have it. My friend had told me that they hadn’t sold much of that design and that pushed me even further in my decision to purchase the t-shirt. The day I went to get it, along with a few other t-shirts I had ordered (“Camp Anawanna – Salute your shorts!” and “The Price Is Wrong, Bitch”), it actually wasn’t ready for me. My friend told me I could pick any color I wanted for the shirt and he would have it ready for me the next day. So I decided to pick a color I don’t wear often. I chose pink. It was perfect because first of all, who would wear a pink t-shirt? Second, Sanjaya is going to come out of the closet sooner or later, so why not advertise his face on a feminine light pink?

The first time I wore it, one of my roommates and I had gone on a walk to Tasty Twist, an Ice Cream shop at the end of the street. The walk took about ten minutes and I counted five cars that passed us. Each time, the driver did a double take after having a glimpse of Sanjaya’s head on my shirt. The person who gave me my ice cream stared at my chest where Sanjaya’s head was peacefully grinning. After feeling a bit self-conscious for some time, I realized I would probably get shot in the shirt someday. My friend who had made the shirt warned me about having no shame. So what WOULD Sanjaya do? Probably get you shot, but at least you’d die in a funny shirt.