Comedy Resume’ for Freelance Writer

This article is a “tongue in cheek” piece I wrote after spending a few frustrating weeks online looking for someone who would publish my online work. There are many reputable businesses out there, but there are also millions of questionable ones. Many of the sites were “vanity” sites, scams, which tried to feed my ego. Having my ego fed is a nice feeling but does not feed my stomach. I am not going to point out any particular sites, but anyone wishing to have works published should be aware of exactly what is stated in the fine print of some of these sites. I have found one online site that tells it like it is about these questionable businesses. It is called “Writer Beware” and the web address is >http://www.sfwa.org/beware/<.

I sure am thankful there is a place called “Writing.com” where I can write and know I can expect real feedback not a pat on the back while my pocket is being emptied.

Thank you all ! ! ! ! ! ! !


My Resume' and/or Contract for Freelance Writing

I wish to submit my application to write for your site for only pennies or less per article. I understand that by joining your site I will be required to log in several times a week, to publish several articles per month and review or rate several other articles almost daily. I will also be expected to invite my friends and relatives to join the site so that they too will be allowed to offer submissions to the site. I understand that if I do not accomplish these operations as set forth in your guidelines that I will be removed from the site. I also understand that I will be offered “premium” options that will allow me to converse with others who have been accepted by your site. I understand that the monthly payment I must make for this premium account is for upkeep of the site only and is above and beyond any compensation you or the site may accrue due to the work I have submitted.

I understand that by law I will retain the copyrights of any work submitted to the site, but give you carte-blanc to do with my work what ever you want, by publishing it where ever you see fit or when ever you see fit. You may change, edit, rewrite or claim authorship yourself. I will have received from you the agreed upon "token" amount, so therefore any royalties that may be accrued from any publications of my material will remain with you. I also understand that the exclusive rights to publish, or not to publish, all work that I submit to you will remain with you forever.

I understand that my benefits will be limited to the satisfaction of typing many words in the form of short stories or articles. I also understand that further benefits or rewards I can expect to receive will be an occasional acknowledgement or kudos from you that my work is indeed as excellent as my family and friends have told me. I can only hope that you might notice enough of my work to offer me the opportunity to have my work published on real paper with real ink; and that if you do this I will be expected to supply the publisher with enough cash to have my work read, edited, printed and shipped back to me so that I will be able to find an agency or store to sell the product. I realize that my vanity is so large that I have done all of this just for the sheer joy of seeing my words in print. I have already prepared boxes and shelves for the expected storage of my printed product until I can have given as many as possible for birthdays, Mothers’ and Fathers’ Day, Groundhog Day and any other holiday or situation that might require a gift.