Tails You Lose

Title: Tails You Lose.
Author: FDQ.
Distribution: Anywhere. Just ask me.
Warning: Profanity, angst and suicide.
Rating: PG-13.
Notes: Inspired by the song “Flip A Coin” by the Kelly Family.


Jesse sat alone in his hotel room. Wondering why the world had gone against him. His hands were trembling, sweat glistening on his brow. He felt an inner chaos, bringing him to the edge of madness. Why had all these things happened to him?

His life was a mess. Drugs. Alcohol. Cheating. How could he live with himself like this? He had spent all of what he had left of his money on drugs and booze, and he had cheated on his wife so many times. Things he regretted. Things that could never be undone.

He couldn’t forgive himself and he knew his family would never forgive him either.

It had been like this for many years. He was sick of the deceit. Sick of despising himself and his actions. He hated himself more and more every day. To the point of deliberately hurting himself. Not physically, but emotionally. Constantly bringing himself down and telling himself over and over again, he wasn’t worth the family and life he had.

For several months, he had tried to find a way to escape his addictions, but he had found it all to be an evil circle. The only escape was to tell the world the truth, but if he did so, he would hurt his wife and child. He couldn’t do that.

He would rather die than hurting those he loved.

Jesse looked up. His trembling had ceased. He was now eerily calm. Die. Maybe that was the only escape.

He took a deep breath and exhaled, his eyes closing as he did so. He saw no other alternate. He had to end his actions. If he couldn’t end them, then he could end his life and by that, he had succeeded.

He silently nodded to himself, a stray tear escaping his eye. He had to do it. For his family’s sake. However, could he really just leave them all like this? Maybe destiny should be the one to decide.

Jesse rose from the bed and pulled out his wallet. A quarter was all he needed to find out what his destiny was.

He dug through the wallet and finally found the quarter he was looking for. He threw the wallet on the bed, before placing the coin and getting ready.

“Heads I lose, tails I win and do it…” he whispered to himself as he closed his eyes and flipped the coin.

Several seconds passed; a shuttering exhale. He was scared. Scared of what were to come. Finally he reopened his eyes to meet his destiny. He took a deep breath to calm himself before glancing down to know the answer.

He inhaled sharply, tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

Tails.

***

Time had gone by so fast. Scott couldn’t remember what day it had been. The day he found his best friend. No goodbye note. Only a quarter found on the floor next to his body. Tails. It all still seemed so surreal. Taken straight out of a nightmare.

But this was reality. Jesse had committed suicide. No one knew why. No one had suspected anything. Not even Scott.

The vivid memory of Jesse’s cold body lying on the floor.

Scott wanted to remember all the great things he and Jesse had been through together throughout the years. He was unable to. All he could think about was the fact that Jesse had done the most cowardly and selfish thing anyone could ever do.

He had left his family and friends behind. Leaving everyone in despair. Why had he done it? What was his reason? Had he not always seemed so happy and outgoing? What triggered this? Why?

How could he leave them all? Scott still didn’t want to believe it. Jesse, who always made people laugh and smile, had now left everyone crying for no apparent reason. What about his wife? What about his little daughter? Growing up without a father, not even knowing the reason for his death.

What Scott felt at that moment was a mix of sadness and hatred. He was sad he had lost his friend, but he hated Jesse for what he had done.

Angry tears welled up in his eyes, his fists clenching.

“Why, Jess?! Why didn’t you tell me anything?” he looked up at the sky, desperately hoping that Jesse could hear what he had to say to him.

“Your family loves you. I love you! You should have told me! You fucking idiot, why did you take your life? You should have been here with me right now! You let me down…”

Burying his face in his hands, Scott begged for Jesse to come back. He could have done anything but take his own life.

It was too late.

Tails, Jesse had won. Scott had lost.