Planned Tragedy

See, the thing is, she never planned to fall in love again. After that one, after him, she decided to just steer clear. She had enough of making sacrifices for others, for once it was going to be all about her. When they ended her heart was ripped into pieces. She couldn't think of him, when she did her heart stopped beating, her lungs stopped inhaling. In another way, it wasn't at all about how he made her feel, but how the others didn't make her feel. Because she tried, she truly did, but none measured up. So, she resolved to never fall in love again. And she settled for one that made her feel safe, because he took care of her. She wasn't in love, but they had a nice life. So you'll see how tragic it is that life doesn't always go as planned.


I was 24 when we married. Gavin and I had a small wedding in the backyard of my father's house, and then we packed everything into the small gray sedan and moved across the country to Washington, DC. Gavin wanted to be near the nation's capital, it was necessary for his political aspirations. Gavin was a lawyer, and he found a nice job with a firm based in DC. He thought it was karma, I was just glad to get out of the town where I grew up.
After we had been in DC for about 2 months I realized I was pregnant. It happened on our wedding night, I was sure of it. We had been so busy with moving and getting settled since then we were lucky to even fall asleep at the same time, much less have the energy to do anything else!
    "Gavin, there is something I have to tell you." I was a little nervous. We both wanted children, but we hadn't really planned on them coming this soon. He acknowledged me with a nod of his head, never even looking up from the legal journal he was engrossed in.
    "Gav, this is important. Could you please just leave the legal stuff for one minute?" There was a pleading tone to my voice, and I guess he caught on that I meant it. Gavin walked over and sat on the couch with me, "Yes, Lily, whatever it is, you have my attention."
    My voice wavered as I began, "Well, you know, we talked about children and all. And,"
    "Now Lily, I know you want children, but it's not the right time." He said sharply. "You know how much I have to work, I have things I want to do, and I can't do that and worry about you all the time also."
    I guess he saw the disappointment in my face, and he went on, a little more tenderly, "Soon though. Let's just get settled first."
    "It's too late." I said quietly, tears falling down my cheeks, almost hoping he wouldn't hear. I knew he had though, I could feel the tension crackling in the air around me. Gavin just stood up and walked out of the room, leaving me there to cry alone on the couch.


    The baby cried and jolted Lily from her sleep. She stumbled quickly to the baby's room, not daring to wake up her husband. While Lily and Gavin had always been more like close friends then lovers, after he found out she was pregnant Gavin spent more and more time at work, barely even making it to the hospital to see the little girl they named Elena come into the world.