Permanent Bruises

Why doesn't she like me? What did I do? Is it because of that rumor, the one where I turn people gay? Who started that, anyway? The point is the girl I like doesn't like me back. She thinks I'm weird, I guess. Abnormal. But what's so abnormal about being a lesbian? Am I not allowed to have feelings? The need for love?

I've never done anything to offend her, nothing at all! But then I come out of the proverbial closet and I'm considered a nutcase! THIS is evidence of that. I'm in the shrink's office, basically talking to myself! You're trying to 'figure me out'. Good luck. I'm not in the goddamn mood for it. Oh, Christ I'm talking in circles.

The school counselor thought I should see a shrink. Said it might help with my 'difficulties'. That's how she put it. Do I really even know what my 'difficulties' are?

They messed me up. I was walking from the bus stop. About four of them followed me through the woods. Three boys and a girl. The girl was one of her 'friends' and she never liked me anyway. I walked faster and broke into a run. I think I tripped...or something...because I fell.

They surrounded me and pushed me and hurt me...and...did something else... When I got home, I had bruises and cuts all over. My clothing was torn and was shaking and crying.

My grandmother, you met her. She's the sweetest old thing that ever lived. She tells everyone to call her Gran. Even though they're not her grandchildren. She loves taking care of people. She was there when I got home and immediately phoned the police.

...And the school...The principal 'punished' the four by suspending them for five days and had a fifteen-minute assembly in the gym on 'bullying the disabled'. THAT'S IT!!! They were only SUPENDED when the should have been ARRESTED and put IN JAIL! And the fifteen-minute assembly...is that a JOKE? Are they MOCKING me? 'Bullying the disabled'! I'm DISABLED!? Since when? Since coming out? What the hell? Am I DISEASED? Now my life has been torn apart!

And no one came to the rescue. No one really cared, except Gran....but she was really old. And who took care of me when she...you know...well the Child Services took me and put me in a foster home. A nice family with a mom, dad, and an older protective brother with a yellow lab. They were very open minded and sweet to me, even when I lashed out a bit.

They adopted me and became the family I always wanted.


Again, I'm talking in circles. Oh damn! Look at the time. See you next session and yes, I'm taking my medication. My wife, you know the daughter of my foster mother's friend...I told you about that, right? No? Oops, next session then. Well she's waiting for me outside in the car. See you next Tuesday, Doctor.

--[END SCENE]--


Note: This fictional monologue is a tribute to those that have gone through abuse because they are 'different'. No matter what, everyone can make it through, things will get better.