Deceptive Love

You’ve trapped me in this pit of anxiety,
And I hate it because it’s hell.
But I’ll never leave you.
You are what kills my pain,
The one thing that will save me.
You hide all the shit I keep down inside,
The truth about my painful past
And how I’ve cried and cried and cried
That someday I will see the light.
You hold me in chains,
Allowing me to feel your hatred
And experience the pain found in addiction.
I love you but I long to be freed from you.
To be free from this life and from what I have become.
The fear that you create in me,
Is what you survive on.
It’s your only weakness.
Running through my body,
You slowly kill the life in me and leave me here with nothing.
But you return, bringing me to my feet;
Keeping me alive only to crush me back into dust.
A constant stab in the back by a best friend,
One whom I can’t shake.
Why must I live my life by your rules?
Why must I let my fear keep me imprisoned?
Why can’t I just let you go?
Why can’t I survive alone?