Elsie's Dream

ELSIE’S DREAM

It was Mother’s Day and it did not mean much to Elsie. She had grown up in an orphanage in Romania and never new her mother or a mother figure to relate to the celebration of mother. It has never bothered her in the past, but today she could not loose the focus on Mother’s Day. Everywhere there were signs and stories about mothers and news relating one way or other to the motherhood. She wanted to feel how it is in this world to have a mother. Her tragedy, not accepted by her self-image, was that she was also not a mother.

Elsie was thinking of the State Orphanage in Bucharest and thought of May day celebrations and even of Christmas and New Year’s celebrations when all the children were dressed and received sweets. But in her memories, she could not relate being a child - she realized with a shock that she really did not have a memory of childhood. Her memory was institutionalized - she could vividly recall the building the classroom and the teachers - she had memories of her bed and the suitcase under the bed, where she kept her possessions, a little golden star broach and her best pioneer uniform and her prizes and certificates of achievements, but where were the toys and story books she must have liked to read or her favorite clothes or dolls.

There were gaps in Elsie’s memories and unaccounted years. Her memory was clear about her first job in the assembly plant. It was her first year of smelling fresh air of individual freedom and her also her falling in love with a comrade in her class of Social action. Her memory had connective links from there on. How she graduated and was promoted at work and in party activity were proud moments in her life, which she would not talk about to people in America. Nevertheless, they were her little moments of success and for her, the past.

She poured a second cup of coffee for herself and continued musing about the Mother’s Day. What a big thing the world makes of this day, she smiled as she thought. She realized that she was an outsider in this world, who was unfamiliar to the customs and traditions and above all the purpose of their existence. She had a funny feeling of observing the world, as if she was an alien from some other planet. She had also never felt the loss of not being able to be mother also. It was on her twenty- first year, she had an unwanted pregnancy and she went to the state clinic for abortion - and it was performed in a matter of fact way. Surprisingly but without any regret she learned that the procedure had also made her infertile for future pregnancy. It was to her another scope of her freedom and she had always enjoyed her sexual pleasures without worrying of pregnancy and ending up with baby.
She knew her present boyfriend, Mark, was disappointed in that but accepted her as an equal partner without future ties of marriage. Marriage to her was the goal to have babies and as she was not in that game there was no sense of being a wife to a man. She was truly playing a role of being a feminist in the modern world and proud of it. She was mature person, free of dependence on others, enjoying sexual morality of the present day, without social inhibitions. “ Hack, With the Mother’s Day “, she said with a proud smile.

Elsie met Mark at their favorite Sunday Lunch. The restaurant had a sign saying, “ A free rose to mothers at lunch & dinner”. They were seated at their regular table and with their familiar waitress, they both ordered the usual meals. Mark suggested that they should have some wine with the meal today and there was no dissenting vote from Elsie. She just added in humor,” And my free rose, of course.” Scott, the manager heard her request and brought a red rose for the “future mother”, as he added. They all had a laugh. But Elsie accepted the rose with a grace and smelled it.

Unintentionally the conversation between the two lovers turned about mothers. To Elsie’s surprise, Mark also lacked the memory of her mother - he had lost her mother in infancy and was raised by her aunt in Saskatchewan. He had fond memories of her aunt, her mother’s sister, who had a daughter of her own also. They talked of his childhood in the prairies and farm life - a contrast from her life in Bucharest. Mark knew and hence their conversation did not turn toward Elsie’s childhood or life at the orphanage. All the time as they talked Elsie was smiling and thinking of an unknown world of Mark. She was glad to enter in his life and was grateful of his opening up to him, with such pleasant emotional experiences of the past. It was his way of showing his confidence in her and sharing the joy of his childhood. Elsie felt the thrill and excitement of a kid running after a gopher or riding a horse in open spaces and vast land.

As they came out of the restaurant, Elsie kissed Mark and they walked down the boulevard, holding hands. She was suddenly aware of her love for Mark and made him know it. Elsie was holding the red rose on her other hand and smelling it from time to time. It was usual uncrowded Sunday walk down the boulevard, as they came to the crossing of Elm Street.

Elsie suddenly squeezed Mark’s hand and said, “ Let us do something out of our way.” Mark always agreed with Elsie and before he could answer, she was dragging him to the entrance to the seniors’ home. They smiled at each other - one knowing what she was going to do another not knowing what his funny girl, is up to. Nevertheless, they walked hand in hand like usual visitor to the place. Mark was curious what is coming next.
Elsie walked up to the desk and asked a matronly looking nurse, if they could visit any old lady who had no visitor on Mother’s Day. The nurse gave laughter and looked at Elsie’s rose and then answered, “ We have more than a dozen, whom you can visit. It is very kind of you to come by. Most of them are forgotten mothers.” Then she thoughtfully looked toward the ward and said, “ I think you will like to meet Mrs. Wilson - she had no one to see her in last two years. Her daughter is in California and now forgets to send her birthday card even.” When Elsie asked the nurse what the daughter’s name is, Nurse Nancy gave another of her deep laughter and said, “ You are really God sent. Mrs. Wilson is almost blind and you are Margo - I hope you find her in alert state. Nancy marched ahead of the young couple and they followed like visitor of Mrs. Wilson.

The old lady was looking out of the window or dozing off, they did not know, because it was her back toward them as they entered her room. Nancy declared, “ Mrs. Wilson, you have a surprise visitor.” And turned her wheel chair around. Elsie touched the shoulder of the old lady in a very natural way and kissed her forehead. “Margo” Mrs. Wilson screamed with joy and went for Elsie’s face and held it between her two hands. For a moment, Mark could not believe and neither could Nurse Nancy - the two women were crying and hugging again and again.

Elsie gave the rose and Mrs. Wilson moved toward the drawer of her night table. She handed her an old photo album and “Margo” went through that page after page. Sometime, Elsie mumbled something from time to time but mostly she was caressing the old lady’s hand or her hair and Mrs. Wilson in her own way, was seeing her daughter’s face. Elsie went page after page - it was all a pictorial album of Margo’s childhood and then nurse very cleverly closed the meeting and suggested to all parties that it is time for Mrs. Wilson to take her nap. Mrs. Wilson was tired and sleepy and went to bed without protest and Elsie asked Nancy and Mark that she be left alone with her for few minutes. As they stood outside in the corridor, they heard Elsie singing some song in foreign language, while Mrs. Wilson was in deep sleep, with a very peaceful smile, on her face. Then Elsie kissed her and came out. Nancy was touched by the event and was hugging Mark and Elsie. She said, “ I would remember this Mother’s Day “ and the young lovers said together spontaneously, “So will we.” They went to mark’s place for the evening and the only thing on the subject she said was that she had today adopted a childhood of Margo. It did not make sense to Mark but then he knew that not much of the lover’s talk makes sense either.

That night as Elsie went to sleep, she was vaguely thinking that one day she will marry Mark and they will go to adopt a little girl named, Margo. But then sweet sleep took over.