What Made A Difference

Religion means different things to different people. I think you learn one thing as you are growing up and then as you become an adult it may stay the same or it becomes something different. Sometimes it grows, sometimes it changes, and it seems in many people it just goes away.

I was raised a catholic. I was taught religion right from as early back as I can remember. It was just part of my life. God was there, he watched over you, he took care of you, and you went to him when you die. There was no questions growing up as a child, it just was. To me it wasn’t any different than getting up in the morning, getting dressed, having to go to school, having to go to church.

Even when things didn’t go the way I wanted them to, I never blamed God. I never questioned if there was a God, he was just there. To me it wasn’t any different than being left handed. I just was, he just was.

I don’t think I gave much thought beyond that until the first day they told me I had cancer. I had to have an operation and I was scared. Who wouldn’t be? Would I live? Would I make it through the surgery? What would I look like after it was done? Would they get it all? Now what? Questions, questions, all the time, never ending.

When I left the doctors, I was suppose to go home to get a good night’s sleep, as if I could, and then go into the hospital the next day for surgery. Well, I did the first part alright, I went home.

Sleep was out of the question. I talked to God all the way home, all the time I was trying to get the kids ready for bed and on into the night as I sat up in the chair waiting for day break. It was a stormy wild kind of night. Lightening was hitting everywhere; thunder was rolling off the hills and echoing in the backyard. How I hated thunderstorms. Now, not only did I have my cancer surgery on my mind, but a thunderstorm too. And the questions continued on, over and over, why??? Why??? Now what???

Then the lights went out, lightening had struck somewhere or something and the power went out. It was now dark and noisy. I don’t know by this time if I was more scared of the thunderstorm or my impending surgery. I sat in the dark waiting for I am not sure what.

The rain came down in torrents. The lighting fast and furious hitting, lighting up the sky like daytime. The unbelievable claps of thunder following each lightening strike were enough to make you go deaf. I sat there glued to my chair, my nails digging into the armrest, just waiting in the pitch dark for the next sharp blinding flash of light and horrendous bang. The storm was getting so ferocious, the thunder almost running over the lighting it was coming all so fast. And then it happened, everything, all at once. One final amazing bang of thunder, one sharp brilliant stab of lightening and the light next to my chair came on. And then everything was still, no rain, no noise, nothing.

It was at that moment I knew everything with my cancer surgery was going to be alright. It was then I realized God wasn’t just there, I really truly believed in him and all that he does for me. It was as if it was a sign, just for me. Anyone can put it anyway they want, it was how I felt at the moment. A feeling of peace came over me and I was ready for the hospital.

My surgery was okay that time. They got it all. And even though I have been back four more times in the last twenty years, I have never had the fear I had that first time. Yes, I have been scared, and yes I worry, but God is looking out for me, he has showed me many times.