This takes the cake

This year, the State of New Mexico took its fight against drunken driving to mens restrooms around the State. The State ordered 500 talking urinal cakes (but at $21 each?) where a female voice delivers a recorded anti-DWI message to bar and restaurant patrons while they stand at the urinal to make one last pit stop before getting behind the wheel.  What does the female voice behind the urinal cake say?  Here’s what was leaked to me, while the men were leaking.....

“Sir, please step to the left 2 steps.  You are urinating on the wall. It is rebounding on to yourself.”

“This urinal will not flush.  We don’t care how much you have been drinking. Urinal cake voice over artist Union Local Number 69 is on strike.”

After a man who had too many finished using the urinal, the talking cake said: “This urinal cake has detected you have been drinking too much.  And when you touched the handle to flush this urinal, the handle automatically released super glue.  At this moment, your hand is glued to your private parts.  You are strongly advised not to drive a car now.  Try explaining all this AND your DUI to the Police!”

“Sir, please step to the left 3 steps.  You are currently urinating on the leg of the Leader of the local Hell’s Angels.”

“Looks like you’ve had a good time drinking tonight. We have measured 1 1/2 pints. Thanks for using this urinal.  Before you flush the it, just to let you now, you have dropped and emptied your entire wallet on the talking cake.”

“Sir, please step to the left 4 steps. You are currently urinating on the ass of the Police Chief.”

“There is good news and bad news. This urinal cake indicates that you are at the legal limit for driving.  The bad news is the transvestite who was last at this urinal was the “woman” you were just bragging to all your friends that you just had sex with 10 minutes ago in your car.”

“Ma'am, please step to the left 20 steps out the door.  You are in the wrong restroom.”