Paralysis

I am alone again tonight
I cannot work, nor sleep
I cannot sleep for nightmares
I do not work, but weep

I had a life I thought I loved
I had a love, my life
But both were sharp illusions, dear
(My pain, a gentle knife)

The sunlight sets, my darkness creeps,
I wish for pain, release
I wish for wounds, I wish for scars
That herald inner peace

For if I hurt me well enough
Then what of worldly cares?
If I lay dying, dying long
My blood runs down the stairs

And if I die by my own hand,
It is my Choice, my Right
Granted me by hand of God
And proved in me tonight

So, though I love my trail by fire
I'd sell it for a song
I am alone again tonight
I sleep forever long