State of Emergency

It was the day of the president's speech and I was enjoying a nice cup of cider and a bucket of popcorn at the carnival when my partner Spencer rang in,

"Okay the president's giving his speech." I was startled by this. As a secret service agent I was supposed to be near the president at all times.

"Really?" I spoke truthfully, "I didn't think he was supposed to speak until later!"

"Wait- where are you?" he inquired. I quickly headed for the exit of the festival.

"Well...the carnival is in town, so I just thought I should check it out." I replied. I could already see Spencer shaking his head in shame when suddenly he shouted through his ear piece,

"Oh my God, the president has been shot!" I wasn't listening. In fact, I realized I had missed the Tech game last night.

"Hey, did you catch the game last night?" I asked, and zoned out again.

"Jesus, he's bleeding all over!" Spencer cried.

"Who won?" I asked. Then I realized what was going on. People around me were screaming with the news of the president's death.

"I found the shooter. It's the Gingerbread man!" Spencer affirmed. The world seemed to stop around me.

"Who?" I asked.

"The Gingerbread man, he's back!" Me and Gingy go way back. He killed my Uncle.

"I'll be right there." I said. I ran into the street, in front of an old lady's Buick. I walked towards the car and opened the door.

"This is a State of Emergency grandma!" with that I dragged her out of her car and punted her into the carnival. I turned on the ignition and raced to the scene of the crime. I'm going so fast, I make Ricky Bobby look like a mentally unstable redneck, I thought. When I reached Spencer's location, we had the Gingerbread man cornered. However, Gingy had a gun to his head. His maniacally permanent smile made me feel sick.

"Don't do it, Gingy!" Spencer pleaded, but it was too late. Frosting spattered all over us.

"What a terrible waste." Spencer commented. I slowly bent over and picked up a thick chunk of the Gingerbread man's carcass. I winced as I bit into it, chewed and swallowed.

"What, are you kidding? This is delicious!" I exclaimed, licking my lips and reaching for more. Spencer was about to join me when a shotgun cocked behind us. We raised our hands above our heads and turned around.

"The Pillsbury Hitman!" we said at the same time. I thought we had finished him off in Philly. Apparently, I was wrong.

"On the count of three, I'll distract him, and you get Gingy's gun...1...2...3!" I lunged forth, knocking the gun from the doughboys hands, and repeatedly beat soft holes into his chest with my bare fists. The thing that really pissed me off though was his constant giggling.

"Stop laughing!" I screamed, continuously denting him. Then, Spencer ran to my side, gun in his hand.

"Hey doe boy! Laugh at this!" he said, and blew the raw cookie to pieces. We silently ate him until I finally declared,

"I think it's time for a glass of milk!"



The End