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Sometimes lovve is in everyday things. |
It wasn’t like on all the movies. She should have had her family all standing around her bed as she lay neatly tucked in, with me sitting next to her holding her hand. She was that kind of mother; she deserved that kind of passing. How could she be alive and eating her lunch like that one minute, then gone the next. “Elaine. Elaine.” Her hand is still warm. It’s like she’s just asleep. Was that a breath? It could have been. Maybe there was a mistake. Maybe I should call them back in here to check her again. “Oh, Elaine, I’m not ready for you to go. How can you expect me to live the rest of my life without you. You’ve been next to me forever. I told you before––you were the first one I ever stepped and the last. Oh, sweetheart, how can you leave me now?” I keep waiting for her to answer me. What would she say. Probably something like, ‘Sylvan, you were always so emotional. You know it won’t be forever. I’ll be waiting for you.’ “But, darling, it will be forever. Every day without you is like forever. Remember that time that I went to New York without you for two weeks. That was like forever. How am I going to stand months, maybe even years without you. I can’t do it, Elaine. I just can’t.” Did her eye just flutter? I’m sure it did. I am going to call them back. No. No. They’ll think I’m a fool. I am a fool. “Elaine, they’ll be here soon. They said I could only stay with you for a few minutes. Elaine, I love you. I should have been telling you that every minute since they brought you to this place, just so it was the last thing that you heard me say. I love you. I love you. Oh, I love you so much.” The pain in my heart is so terrible I can hardly breath. Maybe I’ll die right here and now. If only I could die now. “Oh, God, how could you be so cruel? How could you let me keep living?” That’s them out in the hall. I’m not ready. How can they expect me to let her go? She’s still warm. Her hand is still warm. She’s still so alive. “My darling, they’re here. I have to let you go now, but don’t worry. You will always be alive in my heart. Until the day that I can join you I will think of you. Your grandchildren will know that you were the most wonderful angel in the world. I love you, Elaine. I love you.” |