A Cold Entity-Chapter Five

I had taken everything in. I had changed as a person. I was surrounded by a vast, eerie emptiness, but still one question remained to me: Why had the Trodains left? Why hadn't they stayed an occupied this town? Wasn't that why they rampaged and took over places, to take it for themselves? I was very confused by this, and I had no idea what the answer might be. It could be anything. Myabe this was just a place in the way of their final destination, and they decided to attack this place just for fun.

Just for fun. Who finds attacking and killing innocent people fun? Just another mystery to who the Trodains were. Then I realized how they intended to leave everyone alone down there in the dungeon. Left alone to die, to starve to death. Another reason to hate them. I felt anger flare up again inside of me, and it just made me even more determined to stop them. I was grateful I had been able to escape. With no Trodains around, I could safely help everyone escape. Their peaceful village was broken, perhaps beyond repair, but they would have hope. I knew they would. After what they had been through, they would have hope for everything.

"Arcuna!" I heard Tobias call me from down the road. It was not a call of distress, just one to beckon me over. I walked slowly towards him, c=being careful to step corpses on the way. That heavy, sad feeling was still inside of me. It discouraged me from hurrying over to him. It was like I was in a dream.

When I arrived, Tobias was knelt down over a female body, presumably his mother. Her beautiful locks of gold hair went down to her shoulders, blowing back and forth over her eyes in the cold breeze. White snowflakes speccled her soft, bright face. Her eyes were closed peacefully as her hair blew back and forth over them. She wore a fur coat over her to protect her from the cold. A huge slash mark went through her torso, the surrounding fabric red and exposing the skin beneath. She had been killed by a sword wound to the chest.

I knelt down beside Tobias and glanced over at him. His eyes were blurry, and I could tell that he was trying to hold back tears. I couldn't imagine what he was going through at the time. I had never lost anyone so close to me. The only thing that came close was all my mother made me go through as a child, but that was many years ago. I had long since gotten over it. Never before had I felt sadness as true as this. It pained me to the core to see Tobias grieve over his mother. It was a terrible, awful feeling, one I nearly couldn't handle.

Watching him also made me feel something else unfamiliar-sympathy. I felt extremely sad for Tobias, and I suddenly felt bad for how strict I had acted towards him before. I had expected too much of him. Now I looked at him in a different light. He wasn't an annoying little boy to me anymore. He was just a kid trying to do his best. He didn't know any better. He had lost his parents. I had to have more patience for him. Things were hard for him, and he was just a kid, afterall.

"Thank you," Tobias said in a choked voice to his mother. He wasn't crying, but his face was a mess
with tears, smeared all over his eyes and his cheeks. "You always supported me. You were always there for me. You took care of the entire family. And now it's time for me to take care of myself. Please, don't worry about me. I'll be fine, I promise. I'll learn how to fend for myself. I owe it to you and dad. And I know you'll always be watching over me..."

As he finished speaking, his lip began to quiver, and he burst into tears all over again, unable to handle it. He buried his head into his mother's shoulders and cried his eyes and heart out. And as I watched him sob, I felt the same sadness flow through me as well, as if we were connected. I thought I might cry as well. It was sympathy and sadness all over again, repeating itself inside of me in an endless spiral. Normally, I would think of such things "sappy," but being faced with it right now in front of me, I saw how painful it really was. Now I was more vulnerable to human sadess, and in a way, I was glad. Now I could relate to Tobias better. I could talk to him easier, something he seemed afraid to do.

Many moments passed by, and soon some of the sorrow drained out of us, leaving behind a hollow, empty feeling inside. Tobias looked up at me with glistening eyes. "Arcuna?" he asked timidly.

"Yes, Tobias?"

"Can-" He seemed uncertain about whether or not he should go on with whatever he was going to say.

I smiled gently at him, like a mother comforting a lost child. "It's okay, what is it?"

He smiled weakly back at me, the slightest sign of confidence in his face. "Can you do something to preserve my mother's body? Something so it won't simply rot away? She's so beautiful and important to me, she doesn't deserve to fade away. Maybe you could coat her in ice?"

As soon as he was done, the confidence faded out of his eyes, and a look of regret took over. He thought that he had asked too much of me. He was expecting another lecture from me, like I had before.

"Of course I will, Tobias. Anything."

Tobias looked pleasantly surprised, and he beamed at me, his eyes shining with gratitude. "Oh, thank you Arcuna!"

I knelt down over his mother and looked over her one last time, going over in my mind how I would go about doing this. Then I closed my eyes, focusing my energy. Coating an entire body in ice was something that took a lot out of me. Then I put my spread out hands on her hair and spread a thin layer of ice over it, slowly moving down as I worked. I moved my hands to the width of her body as I worked lower and lower down her body, making sure to make everything uniform. I slowly felt the energy drain out of me as I created more ice, but I kept out it, knowing what I had to do. Down her body, then her legs and feet. When I was finished with the front, I flipped her over and did the same thing for the back. I felt weak and weary, but I managed to finish. When Iwas done, she was completely coated in a shell of ice, her features blurred by it. It was if she was being preserved to be displayed in a museum.

I opened my eyes and collapsed to the soft, snowy ground. After completing my task, I barely had energy left in me to do anything. It took so much out of me to create so much ice, especially enough to coat an entire body. I was only usd to creating icicles for self defense.

"Arcuna!" Tobias panicked. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly, as if trying to squeeze the energy back into me. "I'm so sorry," he said. "I shouldn't have asked you to do that. I had no idea that it would have such an effect on you. Will you be okay?" He sounded very guilty and concered, and for a moment, I felt touched.

"It's okay..." I murmured in a low voice. Then I closed my eyes again. "I really wanted to help you, Tobias. Really, I mean it. I'm glad I did. I just need to rest now."

He didn't seem at all convinced by my reassurance. "Are you sure? You look very weak, and-and I don't want to lose anyone else."

I gave off a weak laugh at his remark. "I'm not going to die, Tobias! Trust me, I'll be perfectly okay soon. Just let me rest now." Then I said with a small smile on my face: "I wish you could've found your father out there too. I would have liked to freeze him too."

And with those final words, I drifted to sleep on the cold, snowy ground, just like I had many years ago as a young girl. There was not a thought on my mind; I was too weary to think right then. I simply drifted away in a state of temporary bliss, the painful state of mind I used to posess behind the fringes of thought. At least for now.

I woke up in a field of endless white snow. It was all I could see. Snow surrounded me, and there was nothing else at all to view. Everything was a pure white, even the sky. More snow fell from a raging blizzard that was taking place. I couldn't see the flakes fall against the white backround, I could only feel them against my skin and the stinging wind chilling my entire body. Since I could only see white all around me, it was as if I was floating around in nothingness, outside the fringes of space itself. The temperature was so cold that no human would survive more than a few seconds here. I could, though. I could feel the cold's energy flow through me, filling me with strength.

"Where am I?" I spoke quietly to myself, the wind carrying away my words almost instantly. It's just a dream, I thought. It means something, I know it. I don't want to wake up quite yet.

"Arcuna."

I could not tell where the voice was coming from. It was very small, and the wind twisted the sound all around me. I could only see white; I couldn't see where the voice might have come from. Then I heard the very loud ruffling of feathers behind me, breaking through the howling wind as if someone (or something) desperately wanted to get my attention. I whipped around and searched around me once more.

What I saw was a pair of big, glistening yellow eyes with large black pupils. They must have belonged to some bird of prey, by the ruffling of feathers I had heard, but I could not tell what kind. All of its feathers, even its beak and talons, must have been snow white, blending in perfectly with the white backround. The black pupils stood out greatly, and I was sure that could could be seen for a great distance in this place from their sheer contrast to everything else. They floated around, as if they belonged to a ghost.

"What am I doing here?" I asked in slight awe. "What am I doing here?" I had no idea who this bird was, but they were questions anyone would have asked in this situation.

Its floating eyes moved and stared into mine, gazing deep into them. It ignored my questions and said "Do you want to be a Goddess, Arcuna?" When it opened its snow white beak, the darkness inside would briefly become visible and then disappear back into the whiteness. It was slightly disturbing.

"Of course I do," I tried to say in a truthful voice, but even I could see the insincerity in my words. The bird's eyes tilted, and I knew it had cocked its head at me, clearly noticing the doubt in the words I spoke. "It's not that I don't want to," I started. Then I suddenly felt an overwhelming feeling of being alone and helpless. "I just don't know," I sighed.

"Then how could you possibly become a Goddess, if you don't know how?"

"It's my mother!" I suddenly shouted. "She told me it was my destiny, that I had no choice! That I had to be the next Ice Goddess, and nothing I could do would change that." Then I smiled. "If it's destiny, I know I'll be fine."

I could feel the past becoming unrooted in my words. Back then, I was angry at the fact that I had to be a Goddess. I questioned it, I refused to believe it. And now I was feeling the same emotions.

"Is that what you think?" the bird ruffled its feathers, and it sounded very scornful. "You think the rivers of fate flow just one way? No, Arcuna, the waters have multiple paths and streams, and some are very treacherous. If you expect to simply be carried downstream by destiny with nothing to float upon, you will surely drown."

No words came to me at that moment. I had always thought that destiny would carry me to my nobility. I had grown up believing that's how it would be, and I had never questioned it. I thought that there would be a turning point for me, one to beckon me to my fate, my journey to become a Goddess. That had already happened with the rampage of the Trodains.

I actually began to slightly doubt myself right then. The bird was right. How could I be a Goddess if I didn't know what to do, if I had no idea whatsoever?

But I still had hope. Why would my mother stress my being a Goddess if she didn't think I could do it, if I couldn't figure out or learn how?"

"I may not know how to be a Goddess yet, I said. "But I know I'll learn on the way. How else would I figure it out?"

"Arcuna..." the bird's eyes moved as if it was shaking its head. "You speak like this is not significant, as if it is only a small task you will have to accomplish. I don't think you understand how serious of a job it is, how much it will change you, how you might have to give up everything. Tell me, Arcuna, in the few times that you saw your mother, did she ever look happy?"

I thought back to the days of when I was a child. I could see my mother sitting up against the cave wall, her eyes glazed over and staring into nothingness. I can remember how when she talked to me her voice was a hollow, empty sound, as if she was in a trance all of the time. As if there was akways something terrible tugging at the fringes of her mind. As a child. I didn't know what was running through her mind, nor did I care. I wasn't the Goddess, I didn't have all of her problems. I didn't understand her at all. I was still an innocent litle girl, thinking that life was just a game. But now I know that she must have been thinking about all the things she did and had to do; all of the hardships she encountered in her travels. I remembered how when she spoke, it was always in a hollow, empty voice, almost souless. It was as if there was always something terrible tearing at the fringes of her mind, putting a shield over her mind, blocking all of the happiness she could ever have. But why? What did she do as a Goddess that was so bad, that kept her from ever having joy?"

"Why, though?" I asked the bird. "Why was she never happy?"

"It's a terrible burden, Arcuna. Your mother has so much weight upon her shoulders, so much responsibility. She has seen things that have changed her view of the world, things that have changed her forever."

"But if she is heartless, how can she feel any of those emotions?"

I could see a glint of humor in the bird's eyes, as if it was trying to smile. "You said it yourself, Arcuna. being heartless doesn't mean not feeling emotion. It means being able to kill without remorse or guilt. Your mother can still feel pain and sadness. She is just as vulnerable as you are."

The bird stared stared into me with its piercing yellow eyes. "Now, do you still want to be a Goddess, Arcuna?"

"But don't you understand?" I said, my voice begining to rise in anger. "I have to become a Goddess! It's fate. Nothing can be done about it. It will happen, whether or not I like it or not. That's what my mother told me. I thought I already told you this! It's something as unmanipulatable as time itself."

The bird chuckled, amusement in its floating yellow eyes. "So that's what she told you, Arcuna? That is what you were taught to believe all of your life? That you have no choice in the matter, no free will at all?"

I slowly nodded.

Then the bird looked into me again, a vague, mysterious look. "And what if she was wrong?"

I just stared at those eyes after those words, as if it was crazy. There was no expression in my eyes, I just stared. I had never heard those words spoken by anyone, nor had the thought ever crossed my mind. Never.

"My mother isn't wrong," I said in disbelief. "She can't be wrong."

The bird cocked its head at me. "How can you be so sure?"

I thought a moment, initially unsure of what to say. "She a Goddess. She can't be wrong."

I admit it was a foolish thing to say. Sure someone like me would know that anyone could be wrong, that everyone makes mistakes sometimes. But I believed so much in my mother and all of the things she taught me as a girl that I just couldn't believe it.

The bird shook its head disapprovingly. "Anyone can be wrong, Arcuna. Even a Goddess."

I still wouldn't believe it. "Are you telling me that everything I was taught, everything I believe in is all wrong? Is it all just a lie?"

It ruffled its feathers. "I'm not saying that. I'm saying that maybe it is. Maybe your mother is wrong. Nothing is definite yet, it is still too early to say. But now that you might not have to be a Goddess, do you still want to be one?"

I thought over the bird's question, a horrible realization hitting me. Not being a Goddess? What else could I be? I was not a human, I did not have a mind like a human. I did not think like them. I always thought that my only option was to look over them, to be someone for humans to believe in. To help the poor and the good, and to punish the evil.

But what if none of that was destiny, just a choice?

"I still want to help people," I said. "Even if I'm not always happy, I would still want to help humans, to make their lives better."

"Do you really?" the bird sounded slightly scornful. "If you really cared about people, then you would have freed everyone in that dungeon as soon as you knew you were alone."

I was completely stunned right then and there. I could not think of a single comeback remark to this, and although the words were shockingly true, I did not want to admit it right now. "Who are you?!" I shouted desperately as a last resort, not being able to come up with anything else. "Who do you think you are, telling me all of these things? I'm the one who knows these things, and you don't! You have no right to tell me these things!"

An icicle formed in my hands in sheer anger, clenched in my raised hand. Anger flowed through me suddenly, directed at this bird. Why did I ever listen to it in the first place?

However, the bird did not at all seem taken aback by outburst. It looked quite calm, actually. "You have no idea who I am, Arcuna," it said very quietly, barely audible over the howling wind. "You don't know what I know. I think you should take my words very seriously, think them over very seriously as if if was a life or death situation. I know you, Arcuna. I know who you are. I know more about you than you or your mother do."

And then the eyes faded away into the howling white, leaving me completely alone.

Who was that bird? That is what I wanted to know more than anything else in the world. I wanted to know why it had interrogated me so fiercly, why it had questioned my beliefs and tried to force its own upon me. Its words still lingered in my mind, especially those ones that did not make any sense to me at first:

"What if she was wrong?"

What if she was wrong? What if everything she had taught me, how she raised me was wrong? Was the fact that she was a Goddess make them ultimately right no matter what? Or can even Goddesses be wrong?

I smiled, and shook my head.

Or maybe it meant nothing at all.

After all, it was just a dream.