Lonliness Is A State Of Mind

                                                  Loneliness Is A State Of Mind


5/13/37
         Well, it’s been two months now and I feel great. I still don’t know why they want me to keep this log. Seems kind of stupid to me. Damn psychologists. They were against this mission from the start. Not the mission itself, just its being a solo flight. They think I’ll go stir crazy in the two years it takes to get to Titan without having someone to talk with. Ha! What a bunch of morons. I like being alone. That's probably why I was picked for this rescue mission. If anything, it’s the return trip that will drive me bonkers.
         Just thinking about sharing this ship with five other people gives me the shivers. Not five ordinary people mind you, that might not be so bad, but five scientists? They’re almost as bad as lawyers. As long as they leave me alone, we’ll get along okay.

5/18/37
         The communications delay with Earth keeps getting longer and longer. That’s fine by me. It’s always the same thing anyway. How am I doing? Am I experiencing any hallucinations? I want to tell them, Yeah, shooting the idiot who keeps asking me stupid questions. But I don’t. I play their game. Why can’t they just leave me in peace. When I’m flying, I’m in heaven. Whether it’s flying a plane above the clouds where the blue sky stretches into forever, or in a space ship like this, with millions of stars shining down on me. There’s no feeling like it anywhere else. When I’m not flying is when I feel like a duck out of water.

6/12/37
         These delays are starting to get frustrating. It takes almost an hour to get a response from Control these days. It upsets my routine. Having a routine and sticking to it is what keeps a man sane I always say. Up at 0700 hours, exercise for an hour to keep the body fit, then have a leisurely breakfast. Ha! That’s a good one. If you can call wafers food, I’ll eat my hat. Probably taste better too. I’ve read the reports about how wafers contain all the minerals, vitamins and nourishment a man needs to sustain good health, but give me a thick, juicy steak anytime.
         Where was I? Oh yeah, routine. After breakfast I checked the ships functions; speed, heading, environment controls, to make sure the computer is functioning right. The computer handles everything and normally I don’t have to do a thing. I remember when a computer was just a tool a pilot used and it was the pilot who flew the plane. Now the computer flies the ship and I’m its backup. Well, if they want to pay me to be a tourist, that’s Jake with me. Gives me more time to read or watch tapes. I saw a good one last night. It was an old Abbot and Costello. Who’s on first! Those guys crack me up. I wonder why it’s taking so long for Control to answer?

8/24/37
         Today’s my birthday! Happy Birthday to me! As usual, I’m alone. Nobody cares. At the orphanage nobody knew when their birthday was, so once a year, on June 1st,  the woman who ran the place gave a big party and it was everyone’s birthday. But I wanted one that was mine alone. So I picked August 24th. They told me that was the day I was dropped off. I guess that’s why they named me Augie. Good thing I wasn’t left there in May or June. Ha! It sure would have been nice if Control had called to wish me a happy birthday though.

10/02/37
         I probably shouldn’t have tried to supe up the radio a couple of months ago. I think I broke it. Those delays were really starting to bother me, so I thought I could boost it some to eliminate them, but I must have done something wrong. I haven’t heard from Control in months now. Ellen says it’s not my fault and we don’t need it anyway. She sure is understanding.

12/25/37
         Ellen sure was surprised with the necklace I made for her. She pretended to be mad at me when I wouldn’t tell her where I got the pretty wire to make it, but she got over it pretty quick. She knitted me a sweater. It fits perfectly. I wonder where she found the yarn? Anyway, later on she cooked us a great dinner. Turkey with all the fixins! We called Control to wish them a Merry Christmas, but they didn’t answer.

1/01/38
         I shouldn’t have drank so much champagne last night, my head is killing me. Ellen let me sleep in. She’s so sweet to me. She even checked the ship’s functions for me and said everything is fine. Sometimes I wonder why Control sent two pilots when the ship does everything, but who am I to argue. Having Ellen here has been wonderful. Still haven’t heard from Control. They must be shut down for the holidays, I guess.

3/07/38
         We’ve been cooped up in this tin can for a year now! Ellen says the ship completed it’s turnover maneuver and has started to decelerate so we don’t miss Titan. It’s the first time Ellen’s spoken to me in days. Just because I told her she was putting on a little weight and should exercise more. She can be so sensitive sometimes. Had a long talk with Control today. They’re real excited about how well the mission is going. Funny thing though, there wasn’t any delay at all in our conversation. It sure was nice to hear Sally’s voice again.

5/14/38
         Sally and I pushed Ellen out of the air lock today. It was a tight fit, but we got her in there. Now it’s just me and Sally. She’s so much prettier than Ellen ever was. I can’t figure out why I never noticed before. But she doesn’t seem to mind, now that we’re together.

8/24/38
         Sally threw me a surprise birthday party. All my friends were there. Joe, my mailman, Steve, the bartender from the Oasis where I drink occasionally and Miss Reilly was there too. Miss Reilly ran the orphanage. She looked just like I remembered her all those years ago. I sure had a crush on her when I was a kid, till she spoiled it. I heard she died in an automobile crash a few years ago, but I guess I was wrong. She was at my party wasn’t she? Sally baked me a cake and everybody brought presents. It was the best birthday ever!

9/18/38
         Ellen’s back! She must have been hiding in the air lock the whole time. She’s lost a lot of weight and looks great. She says she doesn’t hold a grudge against us and we’re friends again.

11/05/38
         Something’s up. I keep seeing Sally and Ellen whispering to each other. They don’t think I noticed, but I did. Miss Reilly did too. She thinks they’re plotting to get rid of us. I tried to tell Control, but Jackie says I’m just being paranoid. I think she’s in on it too.

11/07/38
         You can’t trust any women. Not only was Miss Reilly in on it, but she was the ring leader. I never did like her ever since she wouldn’t let me keep that stray cat I found back at the orphanage. She said it wouldn’t be fair to the other kids in the orphanage if I was the only one with a pet. I’ll bet she was sure surprised when the brakes on her car wouldn’t work. All it took was a little hole in the brake hose. She should have let me keep the cat. I guess I’ll have to get rid of her again.

11/09/38
         It took some doing, but I managed to override the safety mechanism on the air lock so both doors will open at the same time. I told the girls I was going outside to check on the antennae so they wouldn’t be suspicious when I put on my space suit. Why did Control send four people on a mission like this and only give us one suit? Sometimes I wonder about Control. Anyway, you should have seen the looks on their faces when both doors opened. It was worth the air I lost. I had to replace it from the emergency reserves, but I’ll still have enough to finish my mission.

12/12/38
         I can be such a noodge sometime. Here I thought the radio was broken when Ellen tried to boost the power, but she forgot to replace a simple fuse. But then, I didn’t catch it either. You should have seen the message I got when the power came back on. Those guys at Control can be such practical jokers. I guess that’s why we’re such good friends though. They know how much I like a good joke, even if it’s on me. You’ll die when you hear this one. They sent me a fake message saying I was off course, imagine me off course, Ha! They said that I would miss Titan by a million miles. Those guys are too much, but wait, it gets even better. They said if I don’t change my heading immediately, I’ll slam right into Saturn on December 13, 2038. I wish the girls could have been here to see this. I miss them, we had so much fun together. I wonder whatever happened to them? I have to go now, Jackie is calling me. Time for dinner. Hmmm, smells like pot roast.