The End of the Road

The End of the Road

Earlier in the evening, a man had approached her. The tang of whisky on his breath floated to her nostrils and she almost gagged.
         ‘What’s a pretty little thing like you doing on your own then?’ he slurred.
She had looked at him wide eyed and frightened, the urge to be sick increasing tenfold. He had leant in head swaying on huge shoulders, but she had been quick and ducked under the arm he had rested on the back of her barstool.
         She hadn’t wanted to go, but Mrs Parker had persisted, had promised that she would be in the park if she needed her. Mrs Parker had been good to her, had given her a job when they came to Haven Mead six months ago, had put a roof over their heads, but things were getting too familiar.
Elaine sat on Broad Rock and watched the darkening sky frown moodily towards the rolling sea; the sun had moved from her mighty throne and was now sinking fast in hues of orange and purple.
         She hadn’t wanted to think of anything at all, she wanted to sit; be quiet; be still; but Elaine found her thoughts trailing here and there, but never in the present, never to the oncoming tide with its foamy tickle of wet surf surrounding the rock and lapping at the lace skirt of her summer dress. The present was too hard to think about, and the future was a dot wrapped in cellophane placed on a shelf too far out of reach for Elaine to grasp.
The last rays of the sun drooped below the horizon as Elaine got to her feet, gathered her sandals in her hand and headed for the beach. The cool water as she waded the short distance to dry sand awoke her somewhat and again she felt the urge to escape. 
         She hated the feel of wetness around her ankles. She looked down at her feet, the clear ripples turned darker before her eyes and the memories of that night came flooding back. The evening had been much like this one, cool and breezy with rolling clouds darkening and gathering for a summer storm. The storm had come and with it a rain that would last forever in her memory. That had been seven years ago.

2000.

Everyone was invited to the end of the year party. All her friends would be there and Elaine had the best escort. David Manville was the school rugby team captain and every girl in class wanted him at her side, especially for the leaving party; it would be the last chance to dance with him before everyone went off to university.
         She was excited of course. She had bought a new dress; a black number that showed off her curves as it skimmed off her shoulders and hung low on her back. It was hung on the back of her door carefully pressed and slid neatly into a garment bag. Her shoes were simple black patent leather mules with a cluster of diamante flowers. She had picked out her makeup, a collection of roses and browns to illuminate her eyes and lips, black mascara and pencil, and her hair would be adorned in tumbling coils of pinned curls. It had all been worked out; she had practiced many times over, perfecting every detail until she was absolutely satisfied with the ensemble.
At five pm on the evening of the dance Elaine and her best friend Jenny sat giggling in Elaine’s bedroom. They had both showered and were now sitting in front of the large mirror applying their makeup and pinning their hair. How grown up they felt. 
         ‘I wonder what everyone else will be wearing.’ Jenny giggled. She was a friendly open-faced girl, plain in comparison to Elaine, but had features that you could call pretty. She was slim with fair hair that fell about her face and shoulders in waves.
         ‘Not as nice as you Jen, that dress you bought is gorgeous,’ Jenny blushed, casting her glance to the pleat of pink chiffon hidden beneath the clear plastic wrap on the back of the door. The dress was expensive and yet she knew that somehow Elaine would overshadow her easily. She always did.
It was seven when the two girls heard a car pull up outside the house. Jenny ran to the window and giggled and gasped. Elaine had been sitting at her vanity table but now stood, composed herself and waited for the doorbell to ring. She didn’t want to appear too eager but Jenny had already made it to the top of the stairs before Elaine could grab her arm to slow her. Elaine let her friend go, she sighed as she watched Jenny trip lightly down the steps to wait by the front door which rang as she neared it. Elaine waited at the top of the stairs; she wanted to make an entrance, the kind she had seen in movies.
         David and Lucas stood pale-faced in black suits and ties. They were obviously not used to wearing suits and looked uncomfortable, and yet somehow in their unease and their awkward gestures they still managed to look handsome, proud and respectful Elaine thought.
         ‘Quite the gentleman David’ Elaine whispered softly from the top of the stairs. She smiled, noticing the two young men looking up at her, jaws open at the sight of the woman elegantly resting her arm on the banister and gliding in her full black skirted dress that swayed and bounced beautifully as she descended. David muttered something and smiled a soft goofy smile. Elaine beamed inwardly, the dress hadn’t failed her.
The dance was held at the school’s sports hall. The car rolled into the car park as the first band started playing, Elaine waited for David to open her door, and she felt like a princess.
The large wooden floored room had been decorated with lilac ribbons and balloons, banners were pinned to the walls and long trestle tables had been covered with white tablecloths and heaped with plates of sandwiches and cakes, trifles and fruit juice punches. Tables were arranged around the sides each with a tea-light in the centre and a large stage had been erected at the furthest wall.
         ‘Doesn’t look like our sports hall, does it Jen?’ Elaine said as they found a table facing the stage.
         ‘No it don’t, the committee did a good job for once. Does it feel strange to you? All this I mean,’ Jenny asked in a small hushed voice, Elaine knew what she meant, it was their first proper party. The school hadn’t thought about celebrating the end of year before apart from the normal non-school uniform and free lessons stuff they usually had. Somehow it all felt such a big thing, the end of school; end of being a kid, time to grow up. She smiled back at her friend but said nothing.
The evening had been everything Elaine had hoped; David had been attentive, had asked her to dance to a few of the songs and they had mingled with her friends as they complimented the dress and her makeup and hair, she had given hugs to almost everyone and wished them all good luck with university, had even shed a few tears for her closer friends.
The graduation ceremony had taken up an hour and now the slow dances had gotten a few couples to the floor. Elaine glanced at David; he smiled and held out his hand to escort her to dance. 
         ‘I can’t believe the night is almost over,’ David whispered.
         ‘No, I know.’ Elaine replied softly. 
They danced in silence for a few minutes; she rested her head on David’s strong shoulder and he kissed her neck. Elaine looked up at her date surprised. He smiled at her kissed her full on the lips before she pulled away and again nuzzled her head into his warm shoulder to cover her blushes. She felt strange, tingles ran up her spine and she suddenly felt light-headed. Of all the planning she had done for the party, she had never dreamt that David would kiss her; now that he had she wondered if this was how every girl felt the first time.
         ‘We could go for a walk’
         ‘Where are we going to go for a walk to at this time of night David?’
         ‘The beach would be nice. There’s the old boat house, we can sit on the porch and watch the moon on the water.’
         ‘I, I don’t know. The beach can be dangerous at night; we don’t know who else goes down there.’
         ‘No one goes down there Elaine. Don’t worry I go swimming from the boat house in the night sometimes, it’s safe, I promise you.’
         ‘What about Jenny, I can’t leave her.’
         ‘Elaine, stop worrying. we can be back here in plenty of time to pick Jen and Lucas up and drive you back home. Your Dad isn’t expecting you till gone twelve. I bet you no one will even notice we are gone.’
Elaine gave in. David took her hand and led her quietly through the double doors of the sports hall and out into the car park.
         The small beach and harbour was a short walk from the school down a narrow cobbled lane that bent in an arc as it left the town and tumbled slowly downhill. It was quiet. The moon shone on the dark cobbles creating speckled shadows and pools of darkness; Elaine clung to David, wrapping herself around his torso. He responded, moving his arm around her shoulder and holding her tight encouraging her but her nervousness never left her.
The cobbled lane gave way to soft sand; the soft crunch of waves fell in rhythmic waves along the shingle on the shoreline. In the moonlight Elaine could see the foamy spittle rise and fall in gentle spasms as the low tide licked the dotted rocks under the shallow surface of the dark water.
         Elaine took off her shoes, carrying them as David led her across the beach to the boat house, a small wooden shack protruding sea-bound on a bed of flat rock. David led Elaine to the porch which swayed and creaked as they walked across it.
‘Is this thing safe?’ Elaine said warily. David said nothing; he sat, took off his shoes and socks and motioned for her to join him, gathering her dress under her she sat down. 
Dangling their bare feet in the black water as the moon cast long silver darts across the horizon they were silent for some time.  David shuffled closer to Elaine and gently put an arm around her shoulder. Elaine shivered. The night was balmy but something chilled her all the same.
         ‘Beautiful isn’t it. I told you it was worth it.’
         ‘Yes. It’s lovely, but we should get back soon.’
         ‘Stop worrying. Now why don’t we really celebrate the last night of school?’
         ‘I don’t know what you mean’
         ‘Don’t act so innocent. You know exactly what I mean, you’ve been taunting me all night dolled up like Kelly Brook on Oscar night ‘
Elaine felt the panic rise up inside her. She tried to get to her feet but David was stronger and quicker, he turned her face towards him and leant in heavy, planting his lips wet and big around her soft delicate mouth. It was not the soft pucker of kisses they had shared whilst dancing. His breath was hot; his head rigid with determination as he forced her closed mouth open to push his tongue inside. She writhed away from him but he pulled her down under him quicker than she could scramble away.
He pulled away for air for a second and she managed to pull herself from the edge of the platform. 
         ‘David. Please stop!’
He was back again, cutting her sentence short with the quick movement of his mouth on hers. His hand reached the bottom of her dress and he pulled it thigh high.
         ‘You look so hot tonight Elaine. I know this is what you want.’
         ‘No, David it’s not. I want to go home.’
         ‘Don’t tease me Elaine. Come on this will be special.’
         ‘I’m not. I want to go home. I want to go home. David, you’re hurting me. I want to…’ she could say no more.
She felt a pain in her groin as David pushed her legs apart in a rough sudden jolt. She winced, but there was no room to free herself from the weight of him on top of her. She felt the wiry hairs of his arm scratch her inner thigh as he reached higher. He pushed her knickers to the side and with his other arm undid his zipper and reached inside.
         Elaine closed her eyes as the first splash of tears ran in a rivulet down her smooth cheek marking her skin with the black smear of her mascara. The fight left her and she lay limp on the sandy boards of the ramshackle boat house porch. David pounded her flesh and was soon grunting heavily, ignorant to the free flowing tears that dampened Elaine’s hair and shoulders. Another hard push and a loud grunt that echoed around the small beach and it was all over. David slumped to the side his breathing staggered and heavy.
         Elaine got to her feet and set her clothes right. The delicate coil of curls was tangled; she pushed the splaying strands from her face and wiped the smears from her cheeks. David kissed her cheek and led her back to the car park.
         ‘Maybe you should wait in the car; I’ll go and get the others. I’ll tell them you don’t feel well and want to go home’
Elaine didn’t answer. He tossed her the keys and she went to the car, opened it and sat in the front seat without saying a word.

2007

The holiday makers had left and Elaine was alone on the beach. Away from the sanctuary of her rock she felt exposed and the sudden chill in the air made the tiny hairs on her arms stand on end. She shook herself from her daze and hurried her pace along the beach towards the promenade.
         ‘Elaine. Over here, I was wondering where you had gotten to.’
Elaine looked up and waved at the woman waiting for her.
         ‘Where’s Dylan?’ Elaine asked smiling wanly as the woman approached.
         ‘He’s fine; he’s on the merry-go-round. You were gone ages; we were starting to worry.’          
         ‘I’m fine, Mrs Parker. Thanks for looking after Dylan for me.’
The two women walked towards the merry-go-round. As they neared, a dark-haired little boy ran towards them. He was tall for his age with wide blue eyes. He leapt and jumped around Elaine and she lifted him into her arms.
         ‘Hey, honey. Have you been a good boy for Mrs Parker?’
         ‘Yes, I’ve been good Mummy. Can I have some ice-cream?’
         ‘Sure. Why don’t you go and play for a little while first? We can get some ice-cream on the way back.’
She settled the little boy back on his feet and he ran to the small enclosed park on the promenade. Elaine again turned to the woman and with a weak smile asked her sit on a nearby bench.
         ‘Mrs Parker I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done these last few months. We’ve moved around so much, Dylan and me, so it has been nice to have a friend to turn to.’
         ‘Oh he’s adorable, and you are most welcome, Elaine. I wish you would reconsider and stay here. Sooner or later you have to put down some roots somewhere for Dylan’s sake.’
         ‘I know. But not here, I will settle but not right now.’
         ‘Elaine, tell me something.’
         ‘What?’
         ‘Are you in trouble? Is that why you keep running?’
         ‘I. I don’t know what…’
         ‘Elaine you can trust me. I promise I won’t tell a soul. I just want to help you.’
         ‘No one can help, Mrs Parker. No one can.’
         ‘Let me at least try.’
Elaine sighed. She had been running for so long she barely understood the reason anymore. She had a little boy who needed so many things that she couldn’t give: school, friends, a home. He was almost seven but had never sat in a classroom, had never had a sports day, or a big birthday party. They had never stayed more than six months in any town they had ever been to. They drove along the coastline, stopping a few months at a time in a cheap bed and breakfast living out of suitcases. It was no life for a little boy. It was no life for her.
         ‘I killed a man, Mrs Parker.’
Elaine waited for Mrs Parker to say something; anything. But she remained silent. Elaine bowed her head suddenly now more ashamed than ever. The secret was out; it had actually been spoken: not just in her thoughts and nightmares, but to another person. She regretted saying anything at all now, but she had started her story; she had no choice she had to continue.
‘The man who raped me drove me home and I slipped into the house and went straight upstairs, Mum and Dad were already asleep, I wanted so badly to go to them; I wanted my Dad to tell me it was all going to be ok, I wanted to cry and let it all out but instead I showered, changed and crept out again.
I went to his house and threw stones at his window till he woke. He was mad at me at first, until I told him that I liked the sex and wanted more. We drove to the boat house again and when he was naked I hit him with a piece of driftwood from the beach. He fell down and I pushed him into the water. I watched until I couldn’t see him anymore then went back home. I never said anything to anyone and two days later I left to go to university as I had planned. I tried to study for a while, I thought I could cope, but I soon started slipping in classes, I skipped a few lessons at first, then whole weeks went by until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I left campus and travelled around from place to place. I wanted to go home, wanted to be with my parents, but I never went back.’
Elaine fell silent. Mrs Parker laid her time-weathered hand on Elaine’s and squeezed it gently.
         ‘Are the police looking for you?’
         ‘No. Everyone thought it was an accident. I read it in the papers a few weeks later.’
         ‘What about your parents?’
         ‘I wrote to them every now and then at first: they don’t know where I am, and they don’t know about Dylan.’
         ‘Well now that you have told your secret, maybe you could stop running.’
         ‘I don’t know how.’
         ‘Neither did I. But here I am after forty-nine years. I didn’t kill anyone, and I wasn’t raped. We all have some demon we run from, but there comes a time when the running has to stop.’
Elaine stared at Mrs Parker for some time without saying a word. She was tired. Tired of sitting on Broad Rock locked in the past; tired of new faces with no names; tired of waiting on tables for small change until the time came to move on. Every town had its own Broad Rock just like every town had its own David; wherever she went it would all follow her. Maybe now was the time to face it all. She looked over to the small park; Dylan was on the slide playing with a little girl with a mop of bright red hair. He looked over for approval and she nodded.
         ‘Mrs Parker. I’m never going to be able to forget about any of it am I’
         ‘Good grief. No! But you can’t go on like you have been can you?’
         ‘No, I guess not.’ Elaine hung her head and the tears fell in great droplets on the collar of her dress.
         ‘That’s it, let it all out. You will feel better!’
Mrs Parker put an arm around Elaine and for the first time in seven years Elaine let herself be comforted. She felt a sudden sense of relief and in those moments knew what she had to do. Nothing would ever take away the pain she had carried for so long; the guilt would always be there like an unhealed scar: a ghastly red imprint on naked flesh, but she could at least try and live again; she could at least try.
         ‘I know where I have to go Mrs Parker.’ She said wiping the tears from her eyes. She sat upright on the bench and smiled at the woman who had done so much for her.
Dylan ran over and Elaine lifted him to her lap.
         ‘What’s wrong mummy?’ he asked.
         ‘I was just saying goodbye to Mrs Parker.’
         ‘Why? Where are we going?’
         ‘Well, honey. Mummy is going to take you to a place you have never been before.’
         ‘We are moving again? But I like it here.’
         ‘I know, Sweetheart, but this new place is somewhere special. You are going to meet some people you should have met a long, long time ago.’
         ‘Who mum?’
         ‘Granny and Grandpa, honey. I’m taking you home. My home’
Dylan looked at her with his beautiful blue eyes sparkling.
         ‘Can we get ice-cream first, mum?
For the first time in a very long time Elaine laughed. Some of the beauty of youth returned to her pale face.
         ‘Sure we can, honey. We can always have ice-cream first.’