My Heart Is Yours Forever

Summary: A story made up of mostly Paramore songs…with a few from some different artists. It’s short, a little dark, and also religious. If you don’t like it, get over yourself.


The only feeling Baylie felt as she walked into church for Wednesday youth group was…numb. No hope, no light, was in her heart. No one here really cared, she knew it.

She was early like she always was, and one of the only people there was Adam, a former member, now one of the “youth leaders.” He was coming down the hallway, looking cheerful like always. He grinned at her.

“Hey, kiddo,” he said, giving her a hug. “How’ve you been doing?”

She just shrugged in her typical way. She hardly said “good” if she could help it, because lying was a sin, and she’d already sinned too much.
She knew he only acted like he cared because he was a youth leader, and because she had told him every secret of hers.

Without another word, she gave a brief smile and walked on.

It turned out James and Allison were there as well. Allison smiled and said hello to Baylie, while James nodded, and as Baylie made a move to talk to Allison, he said peevishly, “We’re trying to talk about something…alone.”

“Fine, I’m going, okay?” she spat, stalking off

She stood alone in the bathroom five minutes later, staring at her reflection. What had she become to be so disliked? Tears blurred her vision as she continued to hate herself even more.

At one time, Allison would have said, “I’ll talk to you as soon as I’m done here.” Now she wouldn’t even do that. There was a time when Baylie and James had had a love-hate friendship. Now he barely said a word to her. They looked at her like she was insane, or at least, James did.

Just when she couldn’t feel any lower, she heard the door open and quickly blinked a few times and rubbed her eyes slightly. She faked a smile as Allison walked in.

“Hey,” she said brightly, looking in the mirror and checking her makeup.

“Hi.”

“So what’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“Okay, talk to me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You usually say ‘the sky’ when I ask what’s up. When you don’t do it, something’s wrong. So talk to me.”

“Look here,” Baylie said hotly, “we’ve hardly had a serious talk in two months, and now…because of something so little that I’d forgotten…you want to talk? I think it’s a little late for that, Allison. I think it’s a little late for you to try and figure out what’s going through my head…to want to talk about it…to make a crazy attempt to save me. Because guess what? I don’t WANT TO BE SAVED anymore. I’ve reached the point where I just DO NOT CARE. I would prefer dying over everything else on this earth. So it’s not your business what’s wrong!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Allison retorted, a little angry, “what’s bringing this on?”

“I’m fed up with feeling like the world has better things to do than mess with an imbecile like me.” She walked out of the bathroom and huffed when she heard Allison follow her.

Baylie whipped around, and there, in the middle of the hallway, she started to sing, expressing her feelings through this method.

Maybe, if my heart stops beating,
it won’t hurt this much
And never will I have to
answer again to anyone
Please don't get me wrong

Because I’ll never let this go,
but I can't find the words to tell you
I don't want to be alone
but now I feel like I don't know you

Allison’s expression went from slightly angry, to shocked. She took a step back as Baylie’s voice grew a little louder.

One day you'll get sick of
saying that everything's alright,
And by then I’m sure I’ll be pretending
just like I am tonight
Please don't get me wrong

Because I’ll never let this go,
but I can't find the words to tell you
I don't want to be alone
but now I feel like I don't know you

Let this go,
Let this go,

But I'll never let this go,
but I can't find the words to tell you
I don't want to be alone,
but now I feel like I don't know you

Then I’ll never let this go,
That I can't find the words to tell you,
That now I feel like I don't know you

Allison’s eyes looked watery as Baylie hit that last note.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You know how horrible I am with words. I didn’t tell you, because you would never listen long enough for me to get it out, because you were so wrapped up in talking to your real friends…and hanging all over James…and I didn’t think you wanted anything to do with me.” She turned on her heel and walked away into the sanctuary.