A letter to whoever

To whoever,
Don't hate me for taking the 'easy way out' as people call it. To be honest it wasn't hard, it takes more courage to see life to the end. As I sit writing this, knowing that by the time you read it I won't be here, it feels strange.
I don't want anyone feeling bad, no 'ifs', 'buts' or 'maybes'.
'If only i had paid more attention'
'But she should have told me how she was feeling'
'Maybe if I'd known I could have done something'
I tried to talk to people but I felt like I was pestering, I didn't like to annoy people with my problems after all everyone has their own problems.
But most of all I hated hurting peoples feelings, I just couldn't tell someone that what they were doing or saying hurt me, and it all built up inside. Maybe thats why things got so bad. I constantly hid behind 'I'm fine' and 'Don't be silly, of course it's alright'.
Anything for a quiet life!
I was always a loner, I always had friends but I was never anyones best friend.
Same with family, I was always the strong one, my sister was weak and needed help and everyone knew I would be fine on my own. But I wasn't, I could hold it together for years but eventually I would crack, I'd get so low and down and all I wanted was a hug. As I write this I'm not on talking terms with my mother or sister because I let my opinion be heard. My father how much I love and admire him, I wish I'd told him just how much he meant to me, how much I wanted to tell him what was going on and that I really needed him but I kept quiet............strong to the end.
My relationship was the same, I kept quiet. My partner was loving and caring but his life and job were more important and I was allowed to get down and talk to him as long as it had nothing to do with him, the second anything was related to him he would lose it, 'Don't I do enough for you'
'I work all day to come home to you moaning'
'Well maybe it's not me causing the problem, have you looked in the mirror lately'
He twisted everything, made it all seem my fault, made me doubt my own mind. He kept things from me and I know he lied to me, I'm not stupid! I got tired of having to find things out from other people. Towards the end I feared that he was having an affair, I guess I'll never find out now if he was or whether it was just paranoia.
I'm an emotional person, tried antidepressants, tried counselors but my emotions got on top of me.
I know that there are people who have went through far worse than myself, the terrible things that some people go through but I was not strong enough and I admired strong willed people so much.
I don't want anyone to be sad, I am where I want to be, no more emotions, no more tears, just peace...............