Setback 2002

FOCUSED HIGH
the shadows have passed
I rose over and beyond
...
all the mistakes
...
my mental bankbook of a brain
was cleared and restocked
...
with the same good intentions
all prior errors were caused by
...
I
had
set
my
self
free
...
the personal goals may have changed over time
but the instigators remained the same
I now see that I have tried
but found myself unprepared
for the war to come
for the worst to come
FOCUSED LEVEL
we have levels of interest we know we can manage
and fears that level our management of interest
and management interested in our level of fear
we fear that we'll all know
we have no business trying to please everyone
now hanging on
to managing what I'm after
by a thin slice of yearn slowly unweaving
no I'm not making this up this time
nor was I ever before
it's happening again
I'm slipping
strong enough to see tomorrow
yet wise enough to remember yesterday
now putting it together for today
seems to be the hardest part
so why don't you just do it man
you try when you're in my shoes being me
it's never so easy
ROMANTIC INTERLUDE
my divine interpreted theory of love
five points like five digits on a hand
the fourth attached to a ring
you eventually wish to see on that finger
the fifth is life and love everlasting
one hand has to reach the other first
then press on the pivotal tips of the fingers
rolling and budging enough
to work its way down toward interlocking
one after the other after the other
until all five can join as hands eventually do
now factor in all the people in the world
who have to meet and start with a finger apiece
pointing and personifying
pushing and pulling with their own
strengths weaknesses thoughts dreams and dilemmas
and a willingness or unwillingness to budge
rights and wrongs
likes and dislikes
sins and values
combined with the ability or refusal
to simply get along and play nice
sure it happens and slowly but surely
those hands lock
and happiness forever after insues
sometimes it gets as far as the fourth digit
but the fifth never makes it tight
never makes it right
and so the union is broken
and sometimes
when looking to gain that first or second
crucial
point of contact
we lose
the sentiment that starts everything off well
and sets in circle the motion
you wrestle with so many people
that your hand won't fit with anyone's
no matter how hard you try
no matter how soft or clumsy your hands are
there's too many other ones out there
to find one that fits quite the way
you wish it would
FOCUSED LOW
sometimes
I go back to where I was once happy at one point
and try to regain that feeling
but it's never the same
there's too many varying factors
that caused those sunny days before
that can no longer be counted on as being there
for any hope of reclamation of those moments
only shells and sparks exist
sparks are good
shells are bad
I've regrouped and retooled
but haven't we all somewhere along the line
I lose all sense of thought when
the thoughts arose of what could be
out of what was
and where we are now
I'm sure they've been thought before
by everyone
perhaps not like I've seen or haven't seen
in their lives
all my wishing hoping and praying
has got me nowhere but lost down and out
when all I wanted was a glimpse
a foot in the door
a Hi! How are you? and a smile
first
let that be a push toward wanting more
not just the expectation of more and then some
thinking
at times
is mostly a good thing
when kept in check
by understanding
and realizing reality
and coping with life as it comes to you
in moderation