Self Esteem and raising children

Poor self-esteem is when a boy's relationship with his mother is bad, when communication is confused.
A boy will think his mother never has anything good to say about what he does and so his self-worth suffers and loses his self-esteem: loses his confidence.
Such a boy will grow up to a man who believes only sex with his woman will guarantee her love -- so he confuses his self-worth with an act of sex.
So he often has sex to make him feel good and not because he is having sex for the sake of sex.
These kinds of boys try drugs and smoking and alcohol and whatever else, because their self worth is lagging. The logic is: she hates me now so maybe if I smoke she will like me? (Or jump off buildings and get on You Tube.)
Their confused and don't know what to do to get their mothers-females to like them.

A girl loses her self-esteem because of poor communication with her father. [This seems odd because the world supposes a boy's self worth comes from his father and a girl's from her mother: dark for light and light for dark: isaiah 5: isaiah 60: gross darkness covers the people.]

Thus a girl will erroneously think the only way to please a boy is to have sex with him.

So we have to realize that work(self0 has nothing to do with sex.
But on the other hand, realize work (self) and sex complement each other and reinforce each other.

If we worship precision and rubbish the worship of power then all will be well. At the moment, the culture worships power and rubbishes precision worship.

Am I right that self worth is between mother and son and father and daughter when experts say the reverse?
Yes, because guys with guys talk ABOUT women and boys with fathers will do the same -- but the reality of ACTUAL relationship of boy with mother is missing.

So we have to get away from this second-hand information about the opposite sex, and get the information directly from the source. (Besides information is useless and its relationship that counts.) Indirect information about the opposite sex cannot build self esteem.
So a father-son relationship like: 'hey lets do mach stuff together' is bullshit. This builds Esau's not Jacob's and God loved Jacob but hated Esau: Malachi.
You can build wild and ebullient men with these father-son relationships but can't build actual self esteem -- we mistake extroversion for self confidence and self esteem.
This sort of man is acting out from a base of a LACK of confidence -- in other words he feels he must continually act the hero or his balloon will deflate -- -- what an egotistical bore he will turn out to be. Not centred and quietly sure of himself but always imbalanced.
Avril Lavigne's song 'Complicated' is a description of this low esteem at work. In the song the man acts over-the-top because he is unstable and unsure of himself around women, especially when he meets other males without women.*
So such a man becomes an actor, a clown or hero but never himself.

* Isn't this then a lack of father-son bonding assurance?
It seems to be on casual inspection. let's look at the nursery rhyme: georgie porgy puddin and pie kiss the girls and make them cry and when the boys come out to play georgie porgy run away.
In this world men have to be war hero's and the like. However not in the coming world. So maybe george is on to something? Maybe good sex the bad girls don't like (hence cry)?

So a guy with a girl suddenly confronted with other guys without girls goes berko -- this happened to me once. Its the realization the man has to be macho when confronted by other guys -- in this world there is social pressure on a guy to be macho.
So it is not sign of a lack of  macho father-son bonding -- its really a lack of confidence that bonding with a female has all power.
The guy has no assurance from females that they love him when he is not giving them sex.
Females will have similar problems of lack of assurance without sex.
The power of love is indeed absolute but we need to see love is all powerful but meek not extrovert and not macho.


Then a mother who speaks to a son has to assure him his work has value. And its critical that a father praise the work of his daughter.

Love is a skill we need to develop, and is NOT a strong feeling of liking and loving a person. Love is NOT a strong feeling.
Love is chosen and fine words for someone.

Before having children a couple need to establish a sure relationship; so that its so solid there is no need felt by them to have children; and in that state children are an expression of their love only, and are fully provided for. (Whereas what parents are doing is living vicariously through their children; and its as if the children are supporting them!)
Its way too young to have children at 30.
Genesis 5.

So the best time to have children is when you have no need for them and feel you could go on forever as you are without them. Then your relationship is mature and then a child is a gift your giving and not an object of your "love".

I am Elijah -- Malachi: 'and he shall turn the hearts of the children to the fathers and the hearts of the fathers to the children less I come and smite the earth with a curse.'
Elijah was a SINGLE man. Whereas earthly wisdom would suppose the best man for advice about raising children is a parent with experience.


I used to smoke cigarretes -- why? Why do girls go bulimic and anorexic?
I think I have found an answer.
It appears were looking for love from our mothers (if a boy) or fathers (if a girl) and we subconsciously suppose we need to harm ourselves so that the mother or father will take pity on us and have sympathy for us -- and this sympathy and pity we suppose is love -- -- and we also suppose that hurting ourselves in this way not only gets parental love but helps us find sexual love.
I gave up smoking -- it didn't do what it was supposed to, as it does for some; who are actually worse off because then they can't quit.
So that appears to be why we smoke or girls go anorexic.
The one case on Dr Phil was a bulimic and anorexic girl who was raped and molested at school and her father said it was her own fault -- at that point the fasting and spewing began; self esteem zero. So then all her fasting is about trying to get her father (and boys) to treat her well and love her. She agreed with her father, at some level, that it was her own fault.