My Heart

         My heart is a twisted and dark thing.  It is filled with malice, envy, and hate.  So putrid and vile is my soul, that just looking upon it is a disgrace.  Who could love me?  Who could love this?  This mess I have become that destroys everything I touch.
         I am in a race, and I am running.  But I am falling behind.  My feet drag like lead, while others run with endurance the race that has been set before them.  I can't catch up.  I run slower and slower until I am crawling.  I have no strength.  I have no power.
         Does it have to be this way?  I think not.  No, I honestly I believe that I can change this mess I've become.  In retrospect, I can't change myself, but there is someone who can.  Somewhere from where I can draw my strength.
         I will use my friends to help me.  Their love and care will see me through.  But what if they should stumble?  For we all do.  Then I will use my family as a crutch.  Nothing runs thicker than blood.  But again; what if they fall?  For as mortals, we all trip now and again.
    But HE will lift me up on wings like eagles and HE will help me.  HE guides my path, and I will trust HIS ways.  But when I tire, and can run no longer, then HE will carry me.  HE knows my inner -most thoughts, and HE knows my every failure, my every deep hidden crevace of my soul.  And yet HE loves me?  I cannot comprehend such a love.  What is love anyway?  The dictionary defines it as thus:

1.          A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2.          a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3.          Sexual passion or desire.
4.          a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5.          (Used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
6.          A love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7.          Sexual intercourse; copulation.
8.          (Initial capital letter ) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
         

    Somehow, I just don't think that those definitions are quite what love is.  One of my friends told me once that love is giving someone them the chance to hurt you, and trusting them not to.  But again, somehow that doesn't seem entirely correct.  I referenced love in another book, and here's what I found.
    "Love is patient, love is kind...  it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails." This excerpt is from a book called First Corinthians; chapter 13 verses 4, and 7-8.  This definition of love seem so much more fitting, more deep with a greater meaning; don't you think?
    But HE says HE loves me with the greatest love possible.  What is that?  What is the greatest love possible?
    Well I found a place in the book John; chapter 15.  Verse 13.  " Greater love has no man than this; that he lay down his life for his friends."  HE has laid down HIS life for me.  Upon the cross he died for my sins, my mistakes, my transgressions.  For me, HE bled and died.  I was on his mind that day.  That is why I love HIM, that is why I serve HIM, and that is why I call HIM my Lord.  So no matter how often I stumble, no matter how tough the road to hoe, HE is mine and I am HIS.  For now and forever.