All in time

                    The mask of denial revealed itself and began to hide me away from life. Life that I had once known. That was 9 years ago after the loss of my baby girl Amanda.
      A year after her death I stood in front of my family and friends and removed the mask that shielded my bleeding heart. The loss of my daughter is nothing you could ever comprehend nor would you want anyone to go thru.
    You see 9 years ago a part of me died with my daughter Amanda. Or should I say that I thought a part of me died. I let the mask cover me and take control. When really I should have let my family and friends help me.
      I had to find my way to GOD and his arms. To know that he was in control of my angel and comforting her now as one of his own. That was the only way to let go of the mask to move on.
   
 
      Ok so now today 9 years later I’m here to talk to this mask so it doesn’t take control of my life again. You see in all this madness of the loss of my daughter Amanda, I had two young boys that needed me more then ever. But I let the mask take control and push everyone and thing way including my boys.
      It was easy for me to let the mask take control because as a mother I felt as if I failed my daughter. But the truth is I failed my boys, Amanda was in GOD arms now and my boys were in the wind. Waiting for me to come back from this mask and from the hell that I thought I was in.
      I’m in hell now, my angle is in the best place ever (god arms) and my boys are not with me.

      I never thought anything would be harder then hearing the doctors tell me sorry we have done everything we could to save your daughter. But now I’m faced with the words from two hurt boys. (Mom it’s a little to late) how could I have let this happen? The world ended for me when Amanda passed away. How can I go thru this again, how can I make this pain and hurt stop before it seizes my heart like it did Amanda.
        I will ask GOD to walk me thru this and find my way. The way back in to your hearts and back into your life’s. Please don’t shut me out of your heart and life’s. I know it must feel as if I walked away and never looked back. But I can tell you not a day nor a night goes bye I don’t think about you.
        So I say to the mask today I’m in control and I wont let you hid me away from this grief. I will hold my head up high and face this head on, as I will not let you take control of me.
My dearest Boys,
        I was told tonight that you said it’s a little too late for me. As I was on my knees trying to plead with GOD don’t do this to me. I need you to hold me up for I need them in my life. I heard him say give it some time and get off your knees. God help me thru this as if I feel them slipping further away. He said all in time my sweet little thing, just give it time.
        So you see the mask don’t have control of me. I will wait for the pain to ease and see in time if you feel the same.
        Just know that I will be there now and in time. On the sideline and in the background watching you all the time.