Finding Oneself Lost

Finding Oneself Lost

By: Jazmine Morales

Scene 1
(Lights come up; ETHAN enters [stage right] and sees JOSLIN sitting at a table. [Centers Stage] She looks up and smiles at him. She stands. ETHAN smiles back and they walk towards each other, meeting halfway to embrace. They kiss. She keeps her arms around his neck and he looks down into her eyes)

Joslin: How you feeling babe?
Ethan: Fine...
Joslin: Fine? How do you really feel?
Ethan: (Looks over her shoulder at nothing) I feel... lost, I mean, my brother, I only wish I could... (He falls silent and looks back into her eyes)
Joslin: Come on. (She says while leading him off [stage left]) (Lights dim)

Scene 2
(Boy is [Center Stage] sitting alone with a spotlight, looking into his lap. Off [Stage Right] in the shadows stands a girl looking at him. Both look tearfully sad. The girl starts towards the boy) (At that moment the lights fade out.)

Scene 3
(Lights come up; JOSLIN and GRACE are sitting at [center stage])

Grace: So was that the big news?
Joslin: Yes! Can you believe it? (Smiles)
Grace: That’s really great, I'm happy for you guys. It’s been a while since you wrote a new book.
Joslin: Yeah, we haven’t written one since we were engaged, so I’m really excited, but… (Looks away)
Grace: But what? (Joslin's Smile Fades)
Joslin: Well writing a book is extremely stressful. I’m just not sure he can handle it right now.
Grace: Maybe he needs this to get his mind off somethings
Joslin: I get that. It’s just… I think that maybe writing a book might be pushing it.
Grace: O.k listen (Grabs Joslin’s hand) This might help, what with his brother… and you not being able to go to the funeral because of that editors meeting… He just needs something to help him find his way back to his old life, you know, get things moving again. I think it’s a great idea, just try it and see how it goes.
Joslin: Alright, I guess I could do that. For him of coarse…
Grace: Great! So what are you guys going to write about?
Joslin: (Leans forward) ...True Love...
Grace: Don’t you think that’s a little played out? I mean besides the fact that true love and soul mates don’t really exist. And I’ve just never met anyone who’s ”found” that one person.
Joslin: (Smiles) umm I have! He's my knight in shining armor... (Sighs) My Soul Mate
Grace: And how do you know that exactly?
Joslin: I loved him since the first time I saw him. (Looks up fondly)
Grace: (Rolls her eyes) And where did you first see him, Juliet?
Joslin: You were there and you don’t remember?
Grace: What? I don’t even know what you’re talking about
Joslin: O.k well do you remember that time that I came in early for our lunch meeting?
Grace: You come in early all the time
Joslin: Well this was the reason why I started coming in early
Grace: (Interrupts) Ooh! It’s getting good already!
Joslin: (Laughs) Anyways, I came in early and was sitting in your waiting room, reading my book. (Turns to her left) (Light falls to a spot on Joslin) (Grace exits) And shortly after, a tall gentlemen sits next to me, but I don’t notice him. (Ethan enters [Stage Left])
Ethan: Wow that was a really confusing hall way. (Sits down next to her) (Sighs) (Looks over at Joslin reading) That’s a really good book
Joslin: (Doesn’t look up) you’ve read it?
Ethan: …Actually no, but my brother has and he really liked it. Said it was the best book he’s ever read. I think it’s because I wrote it.
Joslin: Oh really? You’r Edgar Allen Poe? I thought he was dead…
Ethan: (Laughs) No. No sorry, just a joke. My brother doesn’t read. (Laughs nervously)
Joslin: Well it was a very hilarious one.
Ethan: Yeah (Looking around) (She barley glances at him) Do you come here often? I mean I’ve never seen you here before.
Joslin: Only on Mondays and Wednesdays. And any other time I can get fitted in. Looking for open days?
Ethan: No, I’m not crazy (Makes a shocked face) Not that people that come here are crazy. My brother come here (Laughs) actually he’s a little crazy… But he’s doesn’t come here for that. He’s just a little confused…Not that there’s anything wrong with (Takes a deep breath) (He turns toward her and sticks out his hand) I’m Ethan Rush. (She puts her book down and turns to him) (They stare at each other) (Joslin lets out a sound of “Oh!” in surprise)
Joslin: (Looks out at the audience) (Ethan is “Frozen”) and in that moment I felt light headed, couldn't even breath, my heart started racing, and I just thought wow, He's the one, and I knew he felt it too, because we both couldn’t stop staring at each other. I could barley gasp my own name. (Turns back to him) Joslin Roth (They shake hands) (Ethan begins to grin)
Eli: (Ethan’s brother comes out [Stage Right]) Ready Ethan?
Ethan: (Being pulled back to reality) Yeah… Yeah. (Stands up) Well it was nice meeting you, Joslin Roth. (He smiles at her and walks off with his brother [Stage Left]) (Then grace walks out [Stage Right])
Grace: Joslin (Lights flicker and Grace is sitting again) Joslin! (She turns back to Grace)
Grace: So you're going to write about how you thought Ethan was some crazy guy hitting on you?
Joslin: No. And I didn’t think he was some crazy guy hitting on me.
Grace: Joslin, your exact words were “I think that crazy guy was hitting on me”
Joslin: You would have thought I was crazy if I said “I just feel in love” (Grace smiles at her) Whatever. Were not writing about that.
Grace: (Sighs) Then what are you going to write about?
Joslin: Not sure yet. Maybe about people who meet in public restrooms.
Grace: You sure it's your husband with the problem? (They both laugh)
Joslin: You wait it'll be our next best seller! (Smiles, then smile fades) I just really hope this isn't too much stress for him.
Grace: (Sighs) What's the worst that could happen? (Lights fade)

Scene 4
(Lights come up fast) (Boy is now standing in a "forest" [Center stage] surrounded by "trees". The girl walks up behind him. [From stage left] (He hears her and turns around)

Boy: Why are you following me?
Girl: (In a confident voice) I want to help you.
Boy: (Lets out a short laugh) Help? What makes you think I need help?
Girl: Just because he's gone does not mean you ha...
Boy: (Cuts her off by yelling) Leave me alone!, (In a normal tone) This is my journey, my cross to bear, you cannot help with this. (He then runs off [stage right]) (Girl sadly follows slowly after him.)

Scene 5
(Lights come up JOSLIN and GRACE, sitting on a bench down [center stage])

Grace: What's wrong? You've been quiet all day.
Joslin: This wasn't a good idea, Grace, not at all
Grace: What are you talking about?
Joslin: The book. I mean I can feel Ethan slipping through my grasp. Something is pulling him from me. And he's not fighting to hold on.
Grace: Then you have to finish the book, Joslin
Joslin: Did you not hear me!?! My husband won't talk to me! All he wants to do is write. He doesn't eat. (Gets choked up) He barley glances at me. (Starts to cry) He doesn't even say he loves me anymore...
Grace: I know this is hard, but you can't stop now. He needs you.
Joslin: Needs me? Are you kidding? If he does, he doesn't have a very good way of showing it.
Grace: (Grabs Joslin's hands) Joslin, Can't you see? He's using this book to find his way
Joslin: No! He's too much into this book and too distant from me. It's never been like this before.
Grace: I understand that Joslin, I do, but you can’t give up.
Joslin: No! (Jumps up) No! You don't understand. I... miss him. (Sits back down) Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night, and he's gone, not in the room. Or he's standing by the window, just staring out. I call him to come back to bed, but he ignores me.
Grace: He has a lot on his mind... Maybe he's having an affair? (Joslin glares at her) I'm just saying, I see it all the time. Sometimes a family tragedy can make a man go to another woman for comfort.
Joslin: (Standing up) Why would you say something like that?
Grace: Joslin, I didn't mean... to be so harsh about it all. Maybe he can't talk to you, sometimes it's just easier to "talk" to a stranger. I'm sorry. That was my psychologist side talking.
Joslin: You're not getting it, grace, He's not like that at all!
Grace: I know but, I just don't want him to go down the same road as Eli did, they were brothers with almost the same psychological behavior. I saw firsthand how Eli declined and Ethan's starting to show the same signs. All he really needs is for you to be by his side.
Joslin: O.k I'll think about it (Lights fade out)

Scene 6
(Lights come up when Girl enters from [stage right]) (Boys standing back in the forest again,[Center Stage] and looking at his feet. The girl walks slowly up behind him, grins and grabs him from behind, putting her arms around his neck and standing on her toes)

Girl: Gotcha, I knew you couldn't avoid me forever! (The Boy continues to stand still, seeming to not notice the girl.) (She walks around to his left side, and takes his hand in hers and tilts her head to the side to look into his downcast face.) Come on (she says as she pulls lightly on his hand.) I'm here to help you (The Boy continues to stand unfazed.) (She smiles but it quickly fades) I could stand here all day, you know? I need you to try a little, so come on lets go! (She pulls on his hand again, he doesn’t move.) What's the matter? (Tugs him forward) I need you to come with me. (She pulls on his hand again. Nothing changes) Hey! (She looks at the boy again tilting her head) Please? (Starting to get a little more desperate. She starts to tear up and repeats her self quietly) Please, just come with me. (Now crying, starts to yell desperately) Please, we have to go, we have to leave this place (Looks around) Now! We must go now. (Now crying uncontrollably, Still Yelling) (Boy is still unchanged) Please... Please... PLEASE... ETHAN (words get progressively louder with Ethan's name being the loudest) (Fast black out) (Lights come up to a full, Joslin and Ethan are sitting [down center stage])

Scene 7
Joslin: "ETHAN" (This is yelled at the same time as the girl yells it) (Ethan looks over to his wife, who is sitting on the right side of him. She is crying desperately.) (As soon as she notices that he is looking at her she wraps herself around him and continues to cry desperately on his shoulder) Oh Ethan!
(He wraps his hands around her and she kisses him on the cheek. He holds her back for a few seconds, then pushes her away and stands up quickly turning his back to her. He runs his hands through his hair, and stops part of the way through, grabs a hold roughly and pulls until a look of pain crosses his face. He lets go suddenly and turns quickly around. He looks directly into her eyes then turns around and starts to walk off [stage right])
Joslin: Ethan stop... (Ethan stops and turns partly towards her.) (She stands) You can talk to me Ethan, I can get you through this... (Walks to [center stage]) I want to help, but I need to know what's going on....
Ethan: You couldn't understand. Nothing I could say would help you to understand how I feel... What I am feeling. I fight wave after wave of an immense sea pushing at me. A storm brews overhead, and there are rocks against my back. You don't need to jump into this, you don't want to.... (He says angrily)
Joslin: It's like I don't know you, Ethan, But I do know we can figure this out... Together... You know that I love you... (Takes a deep breath) This past week you've barely even looked at me, I'm just really worried about you... It's like you're not here sometimes (Anger in her voice)
Ethan: ...Joslin... no... just...
Joslin: ...Ethan... Please... (Walks toward him) (He steps back)
Ethan: (Cuts her off, yelling) No!... (Quietly) I'm sorry, but I'm just going to need some time on this one... (He says as he walks off [stage left]) (Joslin is [center stage] crying as the lights fade to a spot on her.)

Scene 8
Joslin: I give up! Are you happy? (Looks up at ceiling as if talking to "God") He doesn't want my help! (Cries) He doesn't care anymore... How can I miss somebody so much when I see them everyday? I want my husband back (Cries harder) I feel incomplete without him. I love him so much... This book was such a horrible idea! He's slipping through my fingers. And he won't fight back to hold on to me! Why doesn't he want my help? It's never been like this. He couldn’t be having an affair. Why would he do something like that? (Looks up at ceiling) Can't you hear me? (Looks down) What am I supposed to do?... Watch my husband fall apart? Let him fall into oblivion? At least I'll always know he didn't cheat on me... Or did he? (Takes a deep breath and lets it out) Holding on to Ethan is making me weak. I can't fight for someone, who isn't willing to fight to hold on. I can't live like this! I won't let this darkness consume my life or my husband! I love him too much to let someone take him from me! He needs me, just as much as I need him. (Looks up at ceiling) You hear me? You can't take him from me! Not yet! (Runs off [stage left]) (Lights fade)

Scene 9
(Boy is standing with his back up against a "tree" and his eyes are closed. The Girl walks in from [stage right] and the boy opens his eyes when he hears her.)

Boy: (looks at her suspiciously) Who are you?
Girl: How could you forget who I am?
Boy: I don't remember much of anything any more. My past has gone. The only thing I have left is what lies before me, and it's almost over.
Girl: You're wrong you have me. What's almost over? What’s this big thing?
Boy: (Ignoring the first part of her statement) ...If you don't know, you don't want to.
Girl: But I want to, why are you so determined to go through this alone?
Boy: I'm alone and have no one... It needs to end and it will happen soon. I would leave if I were you
Girl: I told you before that you're not alone, and whatever this is you can't do it by yourself (And with determination in her voice adds) You wont do this by yourself
Boy: You have no idea what you’re trying to get into, no idea what this is...
Girl: I don't care!
Boy: Whatever (Cutting her off.) (He then turns and walks off [stage left]) (Girl turns around and walks off [stage right])

Scene 10
(Ethan is sitting against the wall in a room. His hands are covering his eyes and most of his face. He moves them to run through his hair and lets out a sigh)

Ethan: It's so hard to see anything anymore. I'm so close, I can feel it. Its breath on outstretched fingertips... (He balls his fists by his side) But it's all too overwhelming... (He puts the palm of his hand on his forehead and runs his hands through his hair again) A blanket of darkness has been draped over my shoulders. It grows heaver by the moment. I'm not sure what to do anymore. It would only be too easy to close my eyes and let it wash over me... (Sighs) To fall into oblivion? (Closes his eyes and shakes his head) I am tired... (Lets out a short laugh opens his eyes and shakes his head again while saying) God, it's so hard to figure things out. I'm not even sure what's real anymore. Who's here, who's not and who never was? No one that's who... It doesn't matter. (Pause) I've lost everything. Everyone... (Stands up slowly) No... Wait... not everyone. My wife, Joslin. She's still here... waiting for me like always... (He smiles but it quickly fades) I am starting to miss her, I haven't seen her in... (A puzzled look crosses his face) Wait, I've been home for weeks. I see her everyday. What's going on? What's come over me? (Runs his hands through his hair again, and looks around for something that's not there) If only my brother was... No. (Starts to get angry) He isn't and can’t be... (His hands are slowly closing into fists while saying this and punches the wall in anger) I'm tired of this crap! (Yells last word) Tired of this confusion. This darkness. My eyes are open now. I need to stop looking for something that can’t be found, something that was never really there, and look at what's right in front of me. (He says full of anger) I know what to do now. I know how to finish it (he smiles an angry smile) It'll all be over soon. (Lights fade as he walks off [stage right])

Scene 11
(Lights come up and Grace and Joslin are now sitting in an office) (Joslin's in a long couch and Grace is in a chair, writing)

Grace: So how are you?
Joslin: Never better
Grace: You don't sound so convinced
Joslin: (Takes a deep breath) It's like he doesn't even remember me anymore. Everything had been perfect, Just right. We had each other and... that's all that mattered... (She looks up at Grace)
Grace: (Looks away) I'm sorry, If you don't mind me asking how's the book?
Joslin: We stopped writing
Grace: Is he ok with that? (Joslin Shrugs) What do you mean?
Joslin: I haven't been home for two days
Grace: What? Why?
Joslin: We had another argument and in our last one he... (Cries) He locked himself in our bedroom! So I left... I'm staying at the Hilton.
Grace: (Stands up) Joslin!, you can't leave him
Joslin: (Stands) Don't tell me what to do, Grace! (Starts to walk away) You don't know about anything that's been going on. You don't know us.
Grace: Joslin, don't do this. I... (Joslin Glares at her) I'm sorry... I should have been your friend, should have been more sensitive. I just switch off, my work... I'm sorry.
Joslin: (Sighs) I just don’t know what to do anymore (Walks back to seat and sits)
Grace: (Sits back down) Does he know you left?
Joslin: I left him a note...
Grace: A note? I don't think it was such a good idea to leave him alone. I mean... his condition...
Joslin: (Jumps up) You don't think he... (Joslin runs out [Stage right] Grace jumps up)
Grace: JOSLIN!! (Lights fade)

Scene 12
(Lights come up fast) (The Boy is standing in the forest looking quietly around. He stops and listens quietly for any sound.)

Boy: Where are you?… (He then continues to look around the "trees".) Alright, there’s no need to hide any more, I know your still following me. Besides you’re the one who said you would never leave… (Lets out a cocky laugh, but continues to search. He stops and puts his hands on his hips) Come on, stop playing games... (He’s now searching franticly for nothing.) Where are you? (He yells as calmly as he can.) …Where are you? (He yells again after a slight pause. This time some of his fear and anxiety creped through and he yelled a little louder. Then for a third and final time he yells once again) Where are you?! (His voice cracks slightly as yells. His body slumps and he sits down on a "log," and whispers) …you said you’d never leave me… (Lights fade)

Scene 13
(Lights come up and Ethan enters [stage left]) (He walks past the center table then stops as he notices a paper on the table, He walks back and pick’s it up) (Reads it in disbelief, and then stumbles into a chair) (As he reads it there’s a voice over of Joslin reading the note)

Joslin: Ethan. This is really hard for me to do. I can’t begin to understand what you’re going through right now. I just wanted to help you, because I love you very much. And it hurts me to see you in pain. But I’m not going to fight for you, if you’re just going to keep running away from me. I know you miss him, but you have to stop blaming yourself for his death. It… Really hurts being away from you. Even when were in the same room. It’s like your not here, or you don’t remember who I am… I’m checking into a Hotel. And letting you handle this as you wish… Alone. For however long it takes you. Goodbye for now, Ethan. I love you… Always. (He puts his head down as lights fade)

Scene 14
(Lights come up) (Ethan is found at the table [Center Stage], note in hand. He has fallen asleep at the table and his other hand is raped around his slumped head. Then Joslin, looking flushed, walks in [From stage right] and he jumps at the sound of the door slamming. He looks up and blinks away the sleep.)

Joslin: (She looks from him to the note and states, her voice a little faulty) I… I just came back for a few of my things; I’ll be leaving again shortly…

(She ignores the puzzling, but heart-lifting smile creeping across his face and starts to stalk off towards their room, not looking at him. [Stage left]) (He stands up quickly. With the biggest smile across his face. As if this was the first day he had ever spotted the woman he loved most in the entire world. He starts to walk towards Joslin who tries to ignore his movement. Ethan catches up to her and when he does she stops with him besides her. She had begun to cry as he walked over. She turns towards him but backs away shortly until she is pressed up against their bedroom door. The smile on Ethan’s face falls. Joslin cannot stop crying unable to look at Ethan, she stares at their feet. Ethan moves closer and puts his right hand on the wall besides her head. He leans forward, closes his eyes and touches his forehead to hers. With his breath against her face, she looks up into his opening eyes. He begins to smile once again. She smiles slightly and lets out a soft laugh. She wipes her nose quickly then lets out another short laugh slightly louder than the first. Ethan then leans in a kiss’s her passionately. They both brake away smiling.)

Joslin: (After a deep moment of looking into Ethan’s eyes) Who are you?
Ethan: (Smiling brightly, he lets out a joyous laugh) I’m... yours
Joslin: You better be. (Kisses him again)
Ethan: I love you so much (They kiss again and the lights fade.)

Scene 15
(The Boy is sitting on a "Log", elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. The girl walks in [Enters Stage Right], leans against a "tree" behind the boy. The boy turns. When he sees it’s the girl he turns back around quickly and wipes his eyes. He then, crosses his arms and continues to look away trying to look angry.)

Girl: Hello…
Boy: (Sighs, uncrosses his arms) You fallowing me again? (He sneaks a quick look at the Girl, but quickly looks away, He starts to smile a little with embarrassment, but it quickly fades as she replies angrily.)
Girl: No, just passing through (she pushes off from the "tree" and starts to walk away slowly [Stage Left].)
Boy: (looking downcast) Oh… (He pauses, and then works up the courage to stop her at the last minuet.) No!… (Looks at her) Wait… (The girl stops and turns around. She puts her hands on her hips and waits.) (he looks down at his feet) Why are you going?
Girl: Why?...I thought you wanted me to leave. Why should I stay?
Boy: (looks ashamed and says sheepishly) I don’t know… (Girl sighs under her breath and begins to turn back around) Wait!… I know who you are now… (She pauses with her back to him, and then slowly turns around.) I’ve been out here, lost and looking for something for a really long time… (He laughs) I didn’t even know what I was looking for…. (The Girl now starts to walk towards him slowly) (Smiles, a little embarrassed) You just kept following me… I didn’t understand why… maybe I still don’t…
Girl: (Standing besides him) I just wanted to help you
Boy: I know that now, but… Why? Why you were so determined was what frustrated me… (He pauses and smiles at a private thought) It doesn’t matter now, I know what I was looking for… (She finally sits down besides him, starts to look at her hands but then looks up at him) (He looks down at his feet) What I was looking for… For so long… (He smiles and Scoots closer to her) (Girl smiles) …was… (He looks up and into her eyes) …You.
Girl: (She smiles even wider and wraps her arms around him) I knew you’d figure it out!
Boy: (Laughs a little surprised by her reaction) Oh whatever… (He holds her, then they let go) like you know everything...
Girl: (She jumps up, pushes the hair out of her face) I do, and it’s about time you realized that… (She then grabs his hand and pulls him up. Their now facing each other and holding hands.)
Boy: Oh really?
Girl: Really!
Boy: (He then pulls her towards him, almost roughly, and holds her to him) So you knew I was going to do that?
Girl: (Looks up into his eyes and says softly) Most certainly
Boy: Then what am I planning on doing next? (He asks softly back.)
Girl: Kiss me back…
Boy: (Starts to look a little puzzled) …Bac… (Cut off by the girl kissing him) You do know everything… (He says after)
Girl: I’ve been trying to tell you (They laugh) Did you miss me? (He kisses her)
Boy: I thought you knew everything? (The boy laughs she joins, they kiss again and the lights fade.)

The End