Miracles

So today I decided I'd put my lessons learned into a form that everyone might be able to understand a little better.

Over the past few weeks, I have been dealing with this "Sam" situation (explained earlier). This situatuion has pretty well evolved into them hating me, turning the brotherhood against me and well... God. At first it didn't seem like it was a spiritual battle becuase I thought it was going to be between me and my brohers, but when it came down to it, the fight was a matter of choosing sides. The line was drawn in the sand, the sides were and are clear cut. Whats really sad is that this is not at all what I wanted to happen. I really do love my brothers... blood born or not. They have been there for me, I have been there for them. And now it's gone. It seemed so fical and shallow. Whatever.

I hate to say this, but the choices laid before us were good and evil. The reason they hate me is because they weren't doing the right things, and I told someone. And not just someone that would listen, someone that would do something.

So then I was put in the worse place possible. I had cut my ties to the closest thing I had ever had to trust. I feel now like I lost a part of me. A large part of me. And I didn't lose them to God... had that been the case, I don't think I would feel so empty. I lost them to the wrongs that they do. I didn't lose them because they are sinners... I lost them because of the sin they commit, and the unwillingness to even care that what their doing is wrong.

Whatever. In the end, I've lost so much. I've lost my own heterosexual soul mate... I lost one of the best friends I'll ever have... I lost the greatest mentor I have ever had... I lost something to do... I lost my friends.

I didn't lose them because I chose God over them, I lost them becuase I chose to do the right thing over the wrong. Because I chose to do what was right over sin...

It sounds so self righteous and cinicle. I really am a hipocritical bastard. I really don't diserve friends as awsome as they we're... but thats life.

Either way I look at it, I need to be happy. Happy for the fact that I'm not in there place. Sad for them, mourning that they will suffer, but grateful that I won't have to suffer because of them. Happy that I finaly got past all the bull and that I dont have to worry about what I'm doing wrong in my life and worry more about what I'm going to do right.

"Take what you get and live with it. Whatever happens, happens. Try your best to guide the good your way, and do the most to avoid the bad. Pray."

All I've got to say is that I must have done something right. I may not seem like I have much to show that with, but it's true. I really did do something right for once. Cause for the first time in my life, I'm sorry for hurting my friends, but I'm not sorry for what I did. I'm sorry that it hurt so much... but in the end, it made me a better person and hopefuly... I won't let go of this.


More on the upside now. A friend of mine is going through alot. Alot... ALOT. As in "he's just turning 17, his birthday is this weekend, and he is going to get married to his girl friend, whom is kinda younger than he is. They are getting MARRIED. MARRIED. MARRIED MOTHA F*%&ER. AS IN TIED FINGERS TOGETHER aND LOCKED IN A HOUSE TO MAKE BABIES KINDA MARRIED><. WHAT THE H$LL IS THAT? I MEAN CMON MAN?"

So yea... I'm proud of him for it, becuase he's doing it because he loves her. My question is this: is he doing for his love for her, or his love for God. I think the main motive for his recent rash decision is that I'm there to remind him that sex outiside of marraige is wrong.

Sadly... it really is. I'm not really saying that as this soap-box christain, but it is.

And so my point is that he faces the hardest decision I've ever seen anyone have to make. I mean that, he has to choose his love for the rest of his life. He's got alot more life to live too. But it's that he really does love her that kills me. It's like, they need to get married. No doubt about it. They really do. They love eachother more than my mother loves me. And she loves me alot. ALOT. Same alot as above.

But then the question becomes "why should they get married". If they really love eachother, they dont need to prove to the rest of the world that they need to get married.

However, if they love eachother half as much as they claim, the question becomes "why shouldn't they get married". They have no reason to wait any longer. None. Finances, housing, family. None. Yea sure Mrs. Bobby... but thats another story.

Then theres more... but thats enough for now.