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        “No,” Marlena said after a short pause.
         
        “No. What do you mean no?” he asked.
         
        “You know exactly what I mean, Jeremy,” she said, frustrated.
         
      “Sure, I know what you mean, but I think I’m entitled to an explanation, don’t you?” he said, looking hurt.
         
      “You’re right. I’m sorry,” Marlena said. She got up from the couch and slowly walked across the room and back, trying to gather her thoughts. “Jeremy, I’m flattered that you asked me, although I can’t say I wasn’t expecting it soon, but after thinking about it, I don’t think I’m ready yet.”
         
      “How are you not ready, Marlena?” Jeremy asked, showing his confusion. We’ve been together for four years now. How much more time do you need?”
         
      “It’s not that, Jeremy,” she replied, looking away from him. She should have been more prepared for this. Taken time to gather her thoughts. He did deserve an explanation; he was right about that. She sat back down on the couch next to him. “It’s not the time that bothers me. Four years is a long time after all. It’s just, we’re still in college for heaven’s sake.” Marlena knew it was just an excuse.
         
      “Why does that bother you?” Jeremy asked. “Why does college change anything?” He looked at her intently, waiting for an answer.
         
      “Well, money for one thing. How in the world do you expect us to support ourselves when we still have classes to pay for?” she asked, throwing up her hands. And I have loans to pay off as well,” she added, trying to sound reasonable.
         
      “Money isn’t an issue, Marlena. You know that.” He placed a hand on her arm. What’s really going on?” Jeremy asked, sounding concerned.
         
      “I don’t know,” she finally admitted, both to herself and to Jeremy.
         
      “Well, can you figure it out? Can I help you figure it out?” he asked gently.

      It had always been like this with Jeremy. He was patient and calm, rarely losing his temper. She could always count on him to listen to her, occasionally offering advice, but only when she asked or when it was sorely needed. Being four years her senior, Jeremy gave her moral and emotional support unlike anything she’d ever had. Truth be told, that was what had attracted him to her in the first place.

        They had met the summer between Marlena’s junior and senior year of high school, while on an academic exchange program in London, England. That summer was the worst of her life. While Marlena was overseas, her mother had fallen seriously ill from a mysterious, at times life-threatening disease no one had an answer for. Despite Marlena’s protests, her mother refused to let her come home. She was forced to spend the summer alone in a foreign country where no one cared enough to take a second look at her. Nobody except Jeremy that is.

      Her mother’s illness sent Marlena into a deep depression she could not have come out of alone. Jeremy helped her deal with all of it when no one else would. He was always there to listen to her, comfort her, hold her, and cry with her. Marlena knew she could not have made it through that summer without Jeremy. Frankly, he was all she had.

      Although her disease was as-of-now incurable, Marlena’s mother eventually stabilized and began to improve somewhat. Marlena and Jeremy’s friendship flourished and grew all summer, and they started dating shortly after returning to New Jersey. Now, four years later, he was finally proposing, and Marlena had surprised herself by saying no.
         
      “No, I don’t think you can help me. I’m not sure anyone can,” she said quietly, looking down to avoid his eyes.
         
      “So, where do we go from here?” Jeremy asked.
         
      “Well, I think I need to figure some things out,” she answered. “Obviously. I’m so sorry, Jeremy. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Two months ago if you’d asked me, I’d have said yes in a heartbeat,” she said, doing her best to check the emotions that threatened to spill out of her. She hated to hurt him like this. He covered it well, but she could tell he was hurt nonetheless.
         
      “No, that’s okay,” he said, taking her hand. “The last thing I want is for you to do something you’ll regret later. That wouldn’t be good, for either of us.”
         
      Marlena continued to avoid his eyes.
         
      “No, I guess it wouldn’t. I love you, Jeremy. Please remember that. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t believe me, but it’s the truth. I would marry you if I could, Jeremy. But I just can’t,” she said, willing him to believe her.
         
      Jeremy put his hand under her chin and brought her face up until they could both see each other’s eyes. “I do believe you. And I’ll wait for you. If you want me to, that is,” he said, giving her a questioning look.
         
      She let go of his hand and shook her head. “Don’t put your life on hold for me, Jeremy. I love you too much to ask that of you.”

      Jeremy gave her a soft smile. “I’m not putting my life on hold. I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he said, taking both her hands. “I love you, Marlena. Never forget that. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. When you’re ready.” Jeremy brought her close and hugged her tightly, kissed her softly, and left. Marlena collapsed into a fit of silent tears.

~~~

      Marlena woke with tears in her eyes. I’ll wait for you. His words haunted her. She had been doing fine, that is until a new child, one named Jeremy, had entered her class at the daycare. He was a constant reminder of all she had left behind and the life she could have had. Now more than a year after their breakup, she thought she had recovered from the constant memories of her almost-fiancé, but not anymore. She remembered the way he used to talk and listen to her for hours on end, how he used to call her just to tell her he loved her. How he held and comforted her when she cried. Oh, why did I say no? she thought. Even now she didn’t completely know. What I wouldn’t give to have him back, she thought.
         
      Marlena cried herself to sleep.

~~~

      “It can’t be 5:30 already, Marlena thought groggily. But the incessant ringing of her alarm clock proved otherwise. The dream that had woken her last night was only the first in a series that had plagued her all night. Her head ached and her eyes felt heavy and she could think of nothing but returning to sleep. She tried to think of a way to get out of going to work this morning, but then she remembered that there was a field trip today and everyone had to work.

      I guess there’s nothing for it. Reluctantly, she pried herself from her bed and began getting ready. After showering, she threw on the first thing she saw that was clean, not really caring what she looked like. They were just kids after all; its not like they knew whether she looked good or not.

      Upon entering the kitchen, she discovered that she was out of coffee. She felt like screaming. There was no way she could entertain kids all day with a headache like this one without coffee. Relief flowed through her when she remembered that there was a coffee shop on the way to work. Looking around one last time to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything, Marlena put on her coat, grabbed her keys, and left.

~~~

         “Ian, stop that! Paste is not for eating!” Marlena said sternly, walking over to remove the paste from Ian’s hand. I swear, that child’s gonna kill himself before he’s 5. In the three short hours the daycare had been open, Marlena had already caught Ian standing on the table, running into walls, and eating paste. You’d think he’d know better, she thought.

      “Okay, boys and girls, put away your crafts. It’s time to go to the zoo.” She walked around the room helping various children put their supplies away.

      “Chelsea, you dropped a crayon on the floor. Pick it up, please.” She bent down to tie a child’s shoelace. “Brandon, your picture is beautiful, but it’s time to put it away. You can finish it when we get back.”

      She continued in this way for at least ten minutes, but still somehow managed to get the room clean and the class lined up before it was time to leave. Marlena resisted the urge to sigh, and instead pasted a smile on her face. This field trip was one thing she did not need to worry about. Not that she didn’t enjoy the zoo, she did, but keeping track of ten rambunctious kids as they all ran wild, especially after a night like the previous one, was not her idea of a good time, and it did absolutely nothing for her already high stress level. “Okay, everyone follow me. We’re off to the zoo!”

      How did I get here? she thought. She began to reflect upon her current situation and the many circumstances and mistakes that had brought her here, but did not get far before a whiny child’s voice brought her out of her reverie.

      “Miss Marlena! I’m not sitting next to him; he said my shoes look funny!”
         
      “Stay there, Ashley,” she said. Turning to face the other child in question, she said, “Jeremy, say you’re sorry.”
         
      “No, they really do look funny,” Jeremy said.
         
      “Jeremy, how would you like it if Justin told you he didn’t like your new haircut?” she asked, buckling a child into his seat. “How would that make you feel?”
         
      “Bad,” Jeremy said.
         
      “Well, that’s how you made Ashley feel. Say you’re sorry.”
         
      “Sorry, Ashley.”
         
      “That’s okay, Jeremy.”
         
      Crisis averted, Marlena got in the van and shut the door.

~~~

         Halfway across the country, a man sat in a coffee shop, busily working on a his laptop. He had been working all day, barely stopping for anything. Upon ending his paragraph, he paused for a moment. Realizing how hungry he was, he saved his document and got up to order some food. When he reached the counter, his breath caught in his throat. He had to do a double take.

      ”Marlena?” he said, shocked.

      “Excuse me, sir?” the girl at the counter said, looking confused.

      Realizing his mistake, Jeremy shook his head and came back to his senses. “Oh, I’m so sorry, miss,” he said, embarrassed. “Its just that you look an awful lot like my old girlfriend.”

      “Oh, that’s alright, sir,” she said, smiling. “I get that a lot actually.”

      “Do you now,” he said, not attempting to hide his skepticism.

      “Yes, sir, I do,” she said, nodding her head. “I swear, at least once a week some guy comes in here claiming I look like his old girlfriend. Its quite strange, wouldn’t you say?”
 
      “Yes, very,” he replied, humoring her.

      Quickly looking at the menu, Jeremy ordered a turkey sandwich and another coffee. The girl shouted his order to the man making the food, then turned her gaze back to Jeremy.
     
      “So, what’s this girl’s name?” she asked, leaning on the counter.

      “Excuse me?” he said, taken aback by her forwardness.

      “This girl you like so much. What’s her name?”

      “Marlena,” he said, only to get the girl off his back.

      “Why’d you break up with her?” she asked.

      “What do you mean why?” he asked, getting annoyed. What right did this girl, a complete stranger, have to butt into his personal life and ask him questions like this?

      “I mean, you’re obviously still in love with her,” she said, as if it were the dumbest question in the world.

      “No, I’m not,” he said, shaking his head.

      “If you’re not still in love with her, than I don’t know anything,” she said matter-of-factly. “Any fool could look at you and tell you’re either in love or not right in the head,” giving him the sandwich that had just been handed to her.

      Realizing she was not going to back down, Jeremy decided to come out with it and leave as quickly as possible. “Okay, I might still be in love with her. But even if I am, she’s not in love with me, so there’s nothing I can do about it,” he said, taking the plate she offered.

      “Fight for her,” the girl said. “Fight for her and win her back.”

      “Well, when you figure out how I can do that, I’m all ears,” he said, walking back to his seat and sitting down, trying to make it clear he did not to continue the conversation. Jeremy quickly ate his sandwich and drank his coffee. As he was putting his laptop and materials away, the girl at the counter began talking again.

      “Don’t take no for an answer,” she said.

      “What?” Jeremy asked, failing to see how this statement had anything to do with their previous conversation.

      “Go back to her and tell her that you won’t take no for an answer,” she said, taking the plate and he handed her.

      “Well, thank you for the advice, but I’m afraid you don’t know enough about the situation to have any bearing on my decisions,” he said, paying the bill with his credit card.
     
      “Well, sorry to bother, sir,” she said. “I didn’t mean to get in where I don’t belong.”

      “That’s okay,” Jeremy said. “Just don’t make a habit of it.” He crossed the floor to leave, ready to be rid of this strange girl. But she was the last thing he heard before he left.

      “Just do it, Jeremy. You won’t regret it, I promise,” she called.

      Jeremy left the coffee shop, shaking his head.

~~~

      As crazy as the coffee shop-girl had been, Jeremy could not get their conversation out of his head. The girl had been right about one thing – he did still love Marlena. Deep down, he had known she was right all along. He just didn’t want to admit it. Mostly for fear of rejection again. But the more he thought about it the more he knew she was right.

      Why did she say no, he wondered for the millionth time that year. Marlena, his Marlena had been everything to him. She kept him stable, sane, and gave him something other than himself to focus on. Her rejection had left him flabbergasted. It had not even crossed his mind. He wondered if she had figured anything out, figured out why she couldn’t marry him. I hope so, he thought, because this time I’m not taking no for an answer.