Sour Cream & Onion Pringles

Sour Cream & Onion Pringles

Some days I wonder if any of it was worthwhile. I wonder if the stupid jokes were even funny, or if that song was really any good. I wonder if those random adventures were really worth the price in gas, or if those late nights would have been better spent asleep. Looking back, I wish I’d never offered to drive that night—the night I met Her. I wish I’d said, “No, I think I’ll stay home tonight. I don’t need your friendship. I don’t need anyone.” Yeah, that’s what I should have said. Maybe in telling you this, I can save you from my mistakes. I guess that part is up to you.

I remember the night I met Her. A mutual friend had brought Her along for our night of spontaneous fun. We were driving around well after midnight, really flying down highway 38. The moon was bright enough that I didn’t even turn my headlights on. One of those songs that really meant something drifted from the radio, and we turned it up. The speedometer rose as our singing got louder and louder. Talent didn’t matter on nights like this—you’ll learn that someday. On nights like this, it was about being in the moment. I remember catching Her eyes in the rear-view mirror, and knew She could tell, too. We were best friends already. We’d just never met.

Later that night we stopped at a 24-hour gas station for sour cream & onion Pringles, and a few bottles of orange soda. We sat on the roof of my car in the parking lot, talking for hours that night, and many nights after that. Eventually we knew all of each other’s stories. Eventually, we were the stories.

The end of our senior year changed everything. I had my first, and last, fight with Her. It was over a boy. I think one of my biggest regrets is that our fight was pointless. I wish it had been over something meaningful. It kills me. It killed Her.

I wish I could tell you exactly what  the fight was about, but I don’t remember most of it. I do remember my last words to Her, though. I looked Her in the eye, and I said, “Looks like you don’t need me anymore, and I sure as hell don’t need you.”

She never showed up at graduation.

They told us it was a drunk driver. He probably didn’t even see Her. They said She’d been speeding down highway 38 with her headlights off. She didn’t live on highway 38, or anywhere near it. I did. While no one can really say for sure, I know that She was going to my house. She was going to make things right.

I guess you just have to decide if it’s worth it. If having a few good times makes it worth whatever pain your friends are sure to bring you. I look back at those nights sitting on the roof of my car, and those last words echo in my ears. I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay.  I still can’t eat sour cream & onion Pringles.