Toilet Toils

Word Count 1000

Toilet Toils

Sam had just come out of his room after many hours of studying. That dark dreary cold dungeon left him weary. His face looked pale. His eyes sunk in their sockets. A heavy look drooped over his face, following his matted hair. Each dragging step across the main room looked as if all the sunshine and sweet smelling lilacs of the world had been sucked away from this gloomy winter night. Biochem must be rough.

Sam made his way through the main room, then crossed into my territory. The swooshing sound of a door, a snapping of a lock, and the quick flick of a light switch told me he just entered the bathroom on my side of the apartment.

“Dammit Sam. When are you guys going to fix the toilet in your bathroom”

“ I don’t know... I kinda like using your bathroom” Sam said jokingly.

“Well, the next time I have to go to the bathroom and your in mine, I’m using yours. I don’t care if it can’t flush. Hopefully the smell will be an incentive for you to fix it.”

“Ha, ha, ha... that’s nasty” I heard echoing from the bathroom as I slammed my room door shut.

******

Surfing the web, I heard the drum of low-bass giggling coming from outside the door. What are Sam and Jerry up to? I bolted out the door heading toward their bathroom to find Sam and Jerry trying to fix the problem with a scrawny plunger. Sam’s engaged face took control of the situation. He had a strong demeanor. From the piercing intent in his eyes, and the rubbing of his clean-shaven chin to the scratching of his head, you knew ideas were rolling through his head. Sam immersed himself into situation.

“Let me try” I asked Jerry. After a few more thrusts he reluctantly handed it over to me.

I gave it a few attempts, but nothing happened a part from the few faint kweefs the plunger made. Any hard thrust and the plunger turned inside out. We weren’t sure what to do.

Out of ideas. Sam leapt toward the toilet to turn the water back on. Not sure what this would accomplish, but we had to try something. Maybe the water flow would give that little extra push needed to unclog the toilet. Sam twisted the valve. Water started to trickle down along the insides of the bowl. More attempts were made, but to no avail. However, the water level in the bowl kept rising, so Sam quickly closed the valve. We would have to try something else.

After some pondering and bullshitting, I could still hear what sounded like running water. I became worried.

“Sure the water is shut off.” I asked Sam in a perplexed tone. Sam, however, was all calm and collect. He bent over and gave the valve one more quick tug as reassurance.

“Yeah, the water’s shut off” Sam proclaimed in his self-assured manner. So, I left.

******

Soon enough, I heard more commotion coming from there bathroom. “Noooo... why won’t it stop rising!” I heard a high-pitched cry exclaim. I bolted a second time over, but this time with a slight flutter in my heart. I was both worried and excited.

Crouched down, Sam hunched over at the side of the toilet. Periodically, his hand frantically fumbled around the valve, eyes bulged out in disbelief. “Why won’t it shut off?” Sam quivered, looking toward with his child-like expression for guidance. It was as if he was a 10 yrs old boy who lost his parents in the middle of the food court at the state fair. Helpless. Powerless.

Moments rushed pass. This was it. As the water rose toward the brim, Sam fell into a new hysteria. He hovered around the toilet like a vulture. His hands flailing around as if he were attempting to cover his ears to block out the problem, when the main room door flung open followed by a “HeellLOoooow, La La Laah.” Lou just entered.

“Lou, get me a garbage bag!!” Sam yelped.

“I’m on it” Lou said sharply. From the bathroom, we heard Lou’s footsteps stomping around madly. Within 30 seconds Lou ran to us proudly holding a small, thin plastic bag complete with the Target logo.

In disbelief, Sam stood frozen for about a second, with an expression of a fish out of toilet water. His eyes fixated on the garbage bag Lou had retrieved.

“What the fuck is that?!” Sam said in a mildly angry tone. “How am I su’pose to stop it from overflowing with THIS?”

“Well, what’s plan with the large garbage bags?” Jerry chimed.

“Wrap the garbage bag around the toilet, you know. The overflowing water will just fall right into the bag, giving us some time.” Sam said.

“That’s not going to work. You can’t wrap it around. The toilet has a base. Water’s still goin’ to leak out.”

“Oh... well, I don’t hear any other ideas. What’s your brilliant plan, huh?”

“I thought we were goin’ to use buckets or something to get the water out, like you see on TV when people are stuck on a leaking boat or as a fireman’s last resort; to prevent the water from overflowing. Not letting it all flow into a giant bag. Jeeze, what the hell are you going to do with a giant bag full of toilet water.”

“Ya know, that’s fine and dandy, but we don’t have any buckets. I’m just trying to made do with what we got.”

“Ahh... the toilet’s still running?” Lou said, rather matter-of-factly.

“Oh shit!!” the rest of us exclaimed in unison.

All hope seemed lost in these frantic moments, however, as I was about to go on my small pilgrimage, a small gleam of light bounced brightly off the white ceramic toilet body. The Porcelain Gods must have been on our side, because suddenly the water stopped running.

Small toilet toils always help break the mundane rhythm of the Biochem blues.