Life can be hard

    This journey, that I call life has tore me down where it gets hard to breath. I have struggled so long to be happy. For a while I thought I lost myself. Im slowly coming back, it just took a little while. I had the smartest six year old girl, who was my best friend in the world pass away in a tragic car accident. I was Pregnant with my third child at the time, I only had three weeks to go. Courtney was so excited about her soon to be brother, she used to sing to my belly. I let her go off with family members when she wanted so she been to alot of places in her little time. But one evening my world turned upside down. For the longest three hours of my life, I didnt know what was going on.
   
    I'll start at the beginning of that dreadful day in July 2005. I had a doctors appointment that morning, so we all went as a family. We had a great day so far, went to the store and picked up some groceries to take home. On our way home, Courtney looked upset. I knew what was wrong, her father kept saying he was going to pick her up but never came. I told her not to worry, she has so many people that loves her. That seemed to have brought a smile to her face. We stopped to get lunch, and I got a call from my mother on the cell that she was on her way to pick Coutney up for the night. I was a bit sad because she was going to stay with her great-grandmother for two weeks, to attend church camp, and bible study in another town. Well of course I said okay, and we went home to get her ready to go. When I hugged her and told her I loved her, I had no idea that would be the last time.
   
    I went shopping after she left and pick up some toys for her and Nolan, I found myself bragging to someone about my daughter that day, about how she did in school and church. I got home before the weather got bad. She called me on the phone three different times that day from my moms house.
   
    I had some money so Ben, Nolan, and I went school supply shopping for her. It started storming on the way, the sky was a greenish color. Ben said I have a bad feeling, lets go home. I said nah, were almost there. So we got there and I started to pick up stuff and we were there probably twenty minutes or so, I got a phone call from my mother saying they have been in an accident and Courtney needs surgery. My heart dropped. I left everything where it was and took off running out of the store. Ben grabbed Nolan and we jumped in the car to go to the hospital, where I thought they were on their way. I only imagined a broke leg or something. Something simple, I thought she was going to survive. I waited and waited, she never came to the hospital.
   
    Three hours later a cop broke the news to us. My whole family was there with me. My father collasped in my lap and hugged me. I was in total shock. I couldn't even cry at that moment. We got in the car and went to where they took her. It was so heartbreaking when I seen her. They had her injuries covered so I couldn't see. I didn't want to see. I  just broke down right there. I felt so helpless. I stayed a little bit, but I decided to go see my mom. She survived, she was med flighted to a very good hospital. I got there five minutes before her surgery. Mama was crying and kept saying she was sorry, but I told her it was not her fault at all.Now, I can say that was the worst time of my life.
   
    Here I am almost 3 years later, raising my boys the best way possible. I honestly thought I wouldn't make it through. But I did! I will always love her, and nothing can change that.