Arguing

So her name is Kristin and i love her very much. And like all relationships, the love comes hard and through a lot of struggle. Every single day feels like a battle. On some days it's easier, but on other days i feel like i just want to throw in the towel and give up. So i asked myself, why do i put up with this? Do i stay in this troubled relationship because the good times are so great? Or do i stay because the bad times give me passion and drive. That might sound stupid to some, but to me it makes sense because i am just one of those people that feels like i need a little bit of drama in my life to give me a sort of purpose. Work and play are not always enough action for me. I need a girl in my life to shake things up and make me feel alive. But with Kristin i'm beggining to feel like a snake eating it's own tail. The real problem is, however, that the longer i choose to stay with her, the more in love i fall. But at the same time i grow more frustrated with her and feel like i want out. In all of this, though, i have gotten a few good things out of it all. For example, i have managed to make a lot of self improvements on myself due to having to put up with the problems between Kristin and I. During these times of trial, i get to learn about my flaws as a person. My anger alone is enough of a problem for me to need to do something about it and fighting with Kristin allows me to realize this. I also have learned that i can be very mean and spiteful when it comes to expressing myself in a fight; I say things that I later regret. But this in itself causes problems to because when i hold back i regret that later as well. So in all i have realized that it's the drama i'm in love with and without it i get scared and panicy. I wish i had a word for this phenomenon. thanks for listening!