Lawyer baiting

Lawyer Baiting

The art of lawyer baiting has been a well loved and practised tradition in this country for many centuries. It was begun by his Royal Highness Oswald de La Moronique, the Duke of Brighton in 1573, on account of his attitude concerning the common sport of the time (mostly that of bear or cock fighting) as being "a little humane for my liking." Appropriately, in the style of many eccentrics of that particular winter, he set about wracking his able brain for a truly original idea.
And then, on the 14th November 1573, a truly unique and unsurpassable idea struck him early in the morning as he rose from his chamber pot. Being himself a man of many monies, his innovative notion was understandably prejudice against those undertaking a profession which rivalled his in terms of percentage of people who fall directly to sleep when they hear any mention of their particular subject: lawyers.
Now, for many of this fine profession who are in fact casually casting their untamed eyes over these words of sin, be not alarmed! For though this prejudice would seem unjust, it is not, of course, undeserved. Recall your minds back to that famous sonnet of our most respected poet, which ends:

"For though thou profession to me will bore,
It is naught but dust, when against the law."

Wise words from a wise man. Pray, do not weep, for my heart goes out to those who Saint Shakespeare has here disdained. Do not be afraid, if you wish not to continue with this page, for what are words, but thoughts and absurdities?
In any case, for those with sufficient mettle to wish to carry on, the main feature will continue as proposed.
So, with such an idea in mind, Duke Oswald set about to publicise his sport and bring it to the international stage. Like a plague it spread through the streets of Brighton, up through the wild of London and even so far as Manchester, though they had a sport not dissimilar to the very idea itself. And so to every corner of this great nation was the sport spread. Farmers knew it, children knew it, even Her Royal Highness was rumoured to be guilty of practise once or twice. And yet the strange thing was that not a soul who had brushed their noses upon the law heard but a whisper of these felonious deeds. So, for years ordinary folk were symbolically getting away with murder as, is the delicateness of the art, those who were frequently targeted and abuse by this devilish baiting were completely unaware of their position.
In 1608 Duke Oswald deemed it necessary to begin a society for all those who regularly carried out his invented practise, and the Society for Neighbourly Prejudice was established. Duke Oswald considered the name ambiguous and only those who were members knew what was really meant by the second letter of their shortened triplet. Unfortunately, nowadays this same society has a changed name and is settled the other end of the British Isles, yet it still practices its traditional skill regularly, be it with limited members, and now, after a successful campaign resulting in a vast amount of power within their current leader's palm, they will be looking to reinstate their former dominance, only this time all aspects of prejudice will be publicly presented.
Such actions can only result in those who concern themselves with the law being forced into discrimination and becoming a rare and exotic breed of people. It is my dutiful duty to publicly state that, unfortunately, we need lawyers, and if this indiscriminate violence will continue to be enforced by the swines who head such a company, we must pull together and for once and forever we will rid England of this evil and erase that blot upon society and replace it with goodness and wisdom that only the people of the proud British empire will sweat to implement. And so, together is the only way forward. Listen not to our forefathers, ones who have grown up under the illusion of humanitarian parity within discrimination, for they are unjust and the government's work on pensions will soon, be it accidentally and unintentionally, put them in their place.
Now, brothers, sisters of this great country, let us stand and as one put down our hand on these animals, where it hurts the most. For we will be, forever, England.!!!!!!!
If you are interested in Lawyer Baiting and wish to become a member of the SNP, then sign up immediately, at your local recruitment agency. Or visit our website, with free demonstrations of how to bait a lawyer, by logging on to: http/:tryandunderstandnonsense.co.uk/Newts-will-rule-OK!