The Proposal

The Proposal

He does not know.
He will never know.
My love grows on,
But alone I stay.
Friendship instead of love,
Eternal loneliness.

He brightens my days,
Encumbers my dreams.
My friend I love,
An unrequited love.
Lost in my fantasy world,
Lost in what can only be a dream.

Tonight, I am alone with him,
Relishing in a bonded friendship.
A cold night, he pulls me close,.
No ardor is in his motion.
I demand my quickened heart stay still,
Realized dreams will end in losing a friend.

Together we sit outside,
A delicate blanket of stars.
He sits so near to me.
Feeling his warmth makes me colour.
He looks to study my face,
To discover my repressed thoughts.

Tell him! I command myself.
Tell him! I speak naught,
Silent as so many times before.
He smiles his crooked smile
As he catches me thinking.
Oh, how I always melt at that wicked grin!

He turns to look at me,
Those dark eyes soft,
So rich with soul.
He is troubled.
He wants to speak,
Unsure of suitable words.

"I want to say something,"
He finally begins with a strange smile,
"But I fear you will be angry with me."
He looks away, withdrawn.
A plain, uninteresting stone catches his eye.
"I'm not sure if I should really say."

I am confused, could this be it?
Surely, he cannot mean it,
I read too much into this.
I hear only what I want to hear.
So many fantasies,
It confuses daily conversation.

His eyes are troubled.
"You can say anything," I pledge,
Though I hold back my own truth.
He shall never know my truth.
"I am your friend," I assure him,
"You've shared many secrets before."

He looks back to me,
His dark eyes searching mine.
"Actually," says he,
Again his crooked smile,
"Rather, it's something I want to do,"
He says turning completely to face me.

My heart freezes cold.
My dream is coming true?
No! It is not truth!
My fantasies deceive me,
I will not falter in my deception!
I demand my eyes not be disloyal to me.

He takes my hand, only a friendly gesture,
Shared so many times before.
My once paused heartleaps to fierce life
From the touch of his hand,
My usual reaction, for my heart always races
At his gentle touch or smile in many moments past.

"I am afraid you will be angry with me," says he,
"But I have been thinking,
And I want to do something fairly drastic."
No! I think, He cannot mean what I hope!
I pretend my heart is beating normal pace,
I demand my breathing remain regular.

Deceiving eyes, do not betray me now!
Fantasy invades my senses,
He takes me into his arms and confesses,
He wants to tell me of his love and passion.
But for the same reason as I,
He chose to be secretive, for fear of losing me competely.

He sits so close to me,
Lips not a foot from mine.
So easy a simple reach,
And shatter all I've tried to protect.
But I am wrong in my forlorn thoughts,
He reaches a tender hand to my cheek.

So gentle a touch, my heart beats,
He advances closer to me, as if in slow motion.
His lips lightly brush mine, unsure of my desires.
He pulls away, dark eyes searching mine.
Ignoring fears, he takes me in his arms,
Finally sharing in the fire long suppressed.

I depart from my fantasy,
Vile reality returns once again.
He continues to sit beside me, lips untouched,
Silent and waiting for a response.
I force away the cloud of dream,
I act as if I had not a hopeful suspicion.

"Tell me, I will not be angry," I promise,
I assure you, my love, I think,
I will not be angry!
His eyes find the boring stone, avoiding my eyes.
"Tell me, my friend, or I will soon be angry,
For you will not disclose to me your distress!"

I squeeze his hand, to ease his concern.
His cheeks colour as he kicks the boring stone with his shoe,
That crooked smile returns.
Oh, how I wish he would stop that teasing grin!
He looks back to me,
Eyes ready to confess his mystery.

Please tell me, I silently beg of him,
Tell me what I want to hear!
Tell me of your longing.
Confess your love, please tell me,
This drastic measure you wish to take
Is to make me yours!

"I have been long in thinking," he says,
His eyes still turned toward the ground,
"And I think it's time you knew."
He pauses, looks to my eyes,
A shallow breath before confessing his thoughts,
Unsure of what I will say.

"I want to ask my girlfriend to marry me," he says.

No! Stop! I hear wrong!
That is not what he is supposed to say,
These are not the words of my dreams!
I feel my lungs collapse.
I pray my expression remains placid.
Eyes, do not betray the lie!

"I know you never warmed to her,"
He continues to torment me,
"But I think it is time.
I want your thoughts, my friend,
I need your support for this,"
He begs of me.

I nod with concern evident.
I am careful not to display my obvious sadness,
I will not lose my friend for the sake of a confessed love,
Though also not to show false happiness,
For he knows I have never liked her,
And she never really liked me.

"And this will make you happy?"
He answers my question with a hopeful nod
And the crooked smile I have come to love.
My chest begins to ache as I sit beside him,
A growing pain where once my heart resided.
Eyes, fail me not, more than ever, not now!

"Then, my dear friend," I say, "you have all my support.
If this is what makes you happy, then so be it."
He smiles broadly at my loyal words,
Takes me into a grateful and loving embrace.
I feel control slipping away.
Eyes, do not reveal the deception, I command again.

The sting in my chest is mounting,
Too much to bear, I pull away from my love.
Force painful, cold air into my lungs.
Awkwardly, I examine my watch,
"The night grows late, I must get home," I say,
Despite his rational denials of the hour.

I place a soft kiss upon his cheek,
The closest I will ever come
To the lips of my love.
He does not know, he will never know.
I leave my love to sit as I walk away,
I finally allow my eyes to betray my lie.