I'm just me.

Introduction:

People usually percieve me one of two ways: nice and friendly or stuck-up and bitchy. The thing is, I'm really not either one. Yes, I am nice. Yes, I try to be friendly. I'm not a bitch, unless, of course, you give me a reason to be. But for some reason, this is what people usually think of me.

In truth, I'm just me. Bethany Johnson, 16 years old, daughter of lawyer and nurse, sister of four boys and three girls. I live in a two story house in a large neighborhood. I drive a silver eclipse and attend a boys and girls private prep school downtown. I have some of the best friends in the world and I play field hockey. That's who I am. Maybe that's not who I've always been, but it is who I am now.

The first day of school this past year, I met Joey Carwright. He was a senior and had transferred from Chicago. He must have felt a little lost at our five floor brick prep school surrounded by guys in khaki pants and girls in plaid skirts compared to the public school with the metal detectors at the front entrance back in Chicago. He quickly fit in though, becoming best friends with Mike Sawyer, one of the most popular guys in school. And not long after, becoming the boyfriend of the captian of the field hockey team, me. Joey is still my boyfriend to this day. In the fall, he's going to Columbia for college. I don't want to think about him leaving right now. Things are too great and happy for us. So I prefer pushing that out of my head.

This is just a little bit about my life. Want to know more? Keep on reading. This is where I will tell you about myself, my family, my friends, and that summer that my life changed forever. It's going to be hard to tell this. But I've committed myself to tell my story. And this is just the beginning.

Chapter 1:

"You guys disgust me sometimes, you know that, right?" Caitlyn said as she barged in my room.

Joey rolled off of me and I sat up on my bed. "You bother the hell out of me sometimes, you know that, right?" I replied, "What do you want?"

Caitlyn went into my bathroom and returned holding my deoderant.

"I'm out so I'm borrowing yours. And now I'm leaving so that you and Joey can continue sucking face," Caitlyn said, already heading for the door.

"Funny!" I called out as my bedroom door slammed. I heard my sister go back into her room on the other side of the wall and sighed.

Caitlyn was probably the loudest of my sisters. Maybe because she was a cheerleader, or maybe just because she wanted people to know she was there. Either way, she always found a way to be heard over everyone else. Slamming doors, yelling, playing music loud, honking the car horn, any way she could possibly make noise she would do it.

Joey touched my arm from where he was laying behind me on the bed. I layed back down next to him. "My freakin sister is a pain in the ass. Where were we?" I asked. Joey smiled, as he always did when I got irritated with one of my sibilings.

"I think we were right about here," he said softly and kissed me on the lips. I let out a moan of joy and kissed him back eagerly. His lips were warm and so were his hands as he pushed them under my shirt on my back. I rolled over on top of him and then heard a scream from across the hall.

"Bethany! Caitlyn! Anyone, help!" I heard my younger sister, Sage, scream. I jumped off my bed and ran to Sage's room at the same time Caitlyn and Rachael, my other sister, did. Rachael opened Sage's door and said, "Sage, what is it?"

I looked at my little sister standing up on her bed, looking like she was on the verge of tears. From what I could see, no one or nothing was in her room. We all waiting expectantly and I heard Joey come up behind to see what was the matter.

"There was a spider. Over there by my dresser. It was crawling!" Sage squealed. All four of us sighed. Sage, who was six years old, was completely terrified of spiders.

"Oh, Sage. It's just a spider. It won't hurt you," Caitlyn said and walked further in the room. She walked to the corner and looked on the other side of Sage's dresser and sure enough, a small little spider was crawling around. She stepped on it, then picked it up with a tissue.

"See? No big deal. It's dead," Rachael said, trying to sound reassuring. Caitlyn carried the tissue out of the room and went back to her bathroom to flush it.

"Sage, get down from your bed. It's gone," I told her and she slowly stepped down from the bed.

"Everything all right up there, girls?" my mother called out from downstairs. "Yes! It's fine," I called back.

"Well, come on down soon, it's time for dinner!" she called again.

Sage immediately went downstairs, Rachael went back to her room, and I heard Caitlyn curse in her room about something. Joey and I stayed in the hall.

"I should probably get going," he said. "All right. Do you work tomorrow?" I asked. "Yeah, until 3," he told me. Joey was a lifeguard at the neighborhood pool.

"I'll probably come by. Sage said she wanted to go swim so I'll probably have to drive her down. I'll see you then," I told him. We hugged each other and I walked him to the front door where he kissed my head before he left. As I watched him go, Caitlyn came up behind me.

"You're so hooked," she said. I turned and looked at her. "And you wouldn't be?" I said and smiled. She smiled back.

"Honey, if I was getting some from Joey Carwright, I would totally be hooked," she said. I shook my head and followed her into the kitchen where my mother was telling my youngest brother, Josh, to settle down and eat his food.

I looked around at my family. My dad at one end of the table, my mother opposite of him. My three sisters and I all sat across from my four brothers. Luke, the oldest, was talking to my dad about cars. Brett was eating silently, Chase was texting under the table even though my mother told him not to, and Josh was banging his fork on his plate. Next to me, Caitlyn was drawing hearts on her napkin. On my other side, Rachael was kicking Chase under the table. Next to Rachael, Sage was telling my mom about a picture she'd drawn.

This was my family. As crazy, mixed up, and different as we all were from each other; I loved each one of them more than anything.


I walked through the gate of the neighborhood pool holding Sage's hand and holding a bottle of water in my other hand. It was the first week of summer, my favorite season. No school or teachers, no more school uniforms or sweatshirts, no getting up or going to bed early...only freedom.

"Can I get in, sissy?" Sage asked. I looked down and smiled at her small body in the pink swimsuit. She was so cute sometimes.

"Yes, if you put on your sunscreen," I told her. "I already did," she said and let go of my hand. She kicked off her shoes next to a lawn chair and jumped into the pool. I sat our beach bag down and slipped off my shoes as well, although I kept my tank top and shorts on over my bikini.

"Wow. These lifeguards here get hotter every summer," I said, standing next to Joey's stand. He looked down at me.

"I'll take that as a compliment," he said and smiled. "Oh. I was talking about Dan over on the shallow end," I teased.

"Well, if that's the case, I just might have to throw you in the pool," Joey said. "You wouldn't dare," I told him. "Oh, but I would," he said and jumped down from his lifeguard chair. I smiled. "Come here."

I wrapped my arms around Joey's waist and closed my eyes. He smelled like a mixture of his cologne and sunscreen and I breathed it in happily. I was vaguely aware of Sage giggling with her friends in the shallow end. Or the other teenage girls staring out of jealousy as Joey ran a hand through my long, blonde hair. All I could think about was how much I loved him, and how I could ever give this up when September came.

"Carwright! Get back up there," Jason, the manager of the pool area, called. "You got it!" Joey called back. He looked at me.

"It's okay. I don't want to get you in trouble," I said and let go slowly. "You sticking around for a little while?" he asked. I nodded and said, "At least until Sage is ready to go home or I can get someone else to watch her."

He kissed my forehead. "I'll have a break in about 30 minutes. We can walk down to the spot," he said and I watched him climb back into his chair and stretch his legs out in front of him.

The spot, as teenagers liked to call it, was on the edge of the neighborhood park which was right next to the pool area. There was a little opening in the woods that had a bench in it and it was mostly a makeout spot. I must've dozed off laying in the sun, because the next thing I knew Sage was shaking me awake impatiently.

"What? What is it? You okay?" I said, opening my eyes. "I'm thirsty," she said, with a hand on her hip.

For an eight year old, she sure could be sassy. I grabbed my wallet from our bag, stood up, and followed her to the concession stand.

"I want a blue and red slushie. And a snickers," she told Christie.

Christie worked there every summer and only lived about 5 houses down from ours. She was sweet, and was always patient with Sage.

"I'll take a diet coke," I told her. "$3.50," she said and I handed her the money.

A few minutes later she returned and gave us our stuff. "Thanks, C," I said. "No prob," she said and turned to the next customer.

"Hey, Beth?" Sage asked.

"What?" I replied.

"How come you and Joey always touch each other?" she asked.

"What do you mean, Sage?" I asked. "Well, you always hug him. And he always plays with your hair. And sometimes you guys kiss. Why?" she asked curiously. I laughed a little. And here I thought she didn't notice anything.

"Well, because we like each other. And Joey's really sweet. I love him, Sage," I told her. I smiled at Joey as we passed his stand on the way back to our chair.

"So? You love daddy. And daddy is sweet. But you guys don't kiss and hug and play with each other's hair," Sage said, with a matter-of-fact tone.

"Because it's a different kind of love. Daddy loves all of us, and so does Mommy. But Daddy loves Mommy in a different way than he loves us. That's how it is with me and Joey. Well, sort of," I told her. We were back at our seats now.

"Oh, well I guess I kind of get it. Although, it really does confuse me," she said.

"You'll understand one day. Don't worry about it. You don't need to understand it right now," I told her. She sat her snickers and slushie down. "I think I'm gonna swim some more now," she said and ran back to the pool. I watched her jump in and come back up.

"Hey, sexy lady," I heard a familiar voice say behind me, just as I sat my diet coke down. I turned around and squinted up at Joey who now had a shirt and shoes on along with his swim trunks.

"Hey there," I said. "Wanna get out of here?" he asked.

"The spot?" I suggested. He nodded.

"Give me one second, and I'm there," I said. I walked down to the shallow end and bent over.

"Sage," I called out. She turned her head. "Joey and I are going down to the park for a few minutes. If you need anything, Mrs. Michaels is over there and tell her okay? I'll be back in thirty minutes max. Don't go anywhere without me or Mrs. Michaels. Alright?" I told her.

"Okay. Promise," she said and nodded. I watched as she swam under water and tickled Elizabeth, her best friend. After a few minutes, I headed down to the spot where Joey was waiting.

"About time," he said. "Sorry. Had to make sure Sage was good without me," I told him. He was sitting at one of the tables, facing me. I sat down in his lap and put my legs around him.

"Mmm," he sighed as I kissed his neck, then his lips. "You really drive me crazy sometimes," he said, pausing only for a minute. I shrugged.

"It's my job. Isn't it?" I flirted.

"Yes, that it is," he said and pulled me back towards him where I kissed him again. This was what I loved. Being alone with him, in his arms, and not worrying about a thing. I loved it more than field hockey. Or driving around at night with my sisters going nowhere. Even more than black and white photos, which I loved alot. The thing I loved and always would, was Joey Carwright. Nothing or no one could ever change that as long as I lived.

We returned to the pool about twenty minutes later. Sage was still in the pool, but jumped out when she saw me. She ran up to me and Joey just as we got inside the gate.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Can we go home? Please?" Sage asked. This was new.

"Um, sure. We can. Everything alright though?" I asked her.

"Yeah. I just wanna go," she said quickly. "Okay. Go dry off and put on your shoes then," I said. She ran over to our lawn chair and quickly began drying off.

"That's wierd. Sage never wants to leave anywhere. Not even piano lessons. And she hates piano lessons," Joey commented. "Yeah. Tell me about it. But whatever. As long as she's okay then I guess it's fine," I told him.

He put his arm around my shoulder and walked back to our lawn chair with me. I put my diet coke and towel in the beach bag again and got all our stuff. Sage already had her cover-up on over her swimsuit, shoes on, and towel over her arm. Joey hugged me tight and I kissed him quickly on the lips. "I'll see you tonight," I said. "Okay. Love you," he said in my ear. "Love you too," I told him and hugged him one last time.

Sage was practically out the gate and to the car when I caught up with her. We pulled in our driveway about ten minutes later and she ran into the house. After gathering our pool stuff and locking the car, I went inside as well.

"Okay, Sage. For real, what the heck is going on with you? I mean, since when do you want to leave the pool and stop hanging out with Elizabeth. Are you guys-," I said, walking to the living room but stopping when I got there. "Shh," she said, pressing with fingers to her lips. I looked at the TV. Her favorite tv show was on.

"Well, that explains that," I said and walked out of the room.

Chapter 2:

"Beth, can you come here for a sec?" Caitlyn called out from her room. "What?" I said and stopped in her doorway. "Zip me up," she said and held her hair up for me.

I looked at my sister standing in front of her mirror in a knee length strapless black dress.

"Where are you going anyways?" I asked as I made my way to her. "Matt is having a party at his house and Jess wants me to go with her," she said, just as I finished zipping her up. She dropped her hair and put on some silver hoop earrings.

"Well, you sure get dressed up for a party," I commented. "Duh, Dylan's gonna be there," she said. I smiled.

"Oh, right. Your dream lover boy," I teased.

"Well, maybe after tonight it won't just be a dream," she said and winked. I laughed a little.

"Well, have fun then. But not too much," I told her. "I will, don't have to worry. Love ya!" she called already out the bedroom door and halfway down the stairs. I watched her go and had just gotten back in my room when Rachael came in.

"Where's Cait going?" she asked. "Party at Matt's house," I told her. Rachael walked farther into my room. "Oh. That's cool," she said quietly. I could tell something was wrong so I closed my laptop and made room on my bed.

"What's going on?" I asked as she sat down.

"I don't know. I'm just bored. I mean, Caitlyn is gone to a party, Sage is at Elizabeth's house, Luke and Brett went out with their girlfriends, Chase is at Eric's house, and Josh is staying the night with Dustin. And then mom and dad are out for most the night," she said. I felt a pang of sympathy for her.

Out of all my sibilings, Rachael was the most dependent. She got bored easily when she was left alone. The rest of us could deal with being alone and entertaining ourselves, but Rachael couldn't. She hated being alone. At school, she didn't even walk to her locker without at least three friends. I had never been that way, but I could only imagine what it would be like. I suddenly felt bad, because I had plans with Joey. I couldn't leave her alone.

"Well," I began, "I have plans with Joey. We were gonna go get coffee and maybe go to the movies. But you can come if you want to." She looked up at me for a moment and suddenly looked really young. She was thirteen, and usually seemed older for her age. But in her eyes I could see how young and lonely she felt. Even with seven sibilings. For a moment, she looked hopeful. Then she sighed.

"I don't want to intrude," she said, although I could tell she didn't want to stay at the house. "You won't be. Really, Joey won't care. He loves you," I said.

This was the truth, at least. Joey never got fed up with any of my sisters, no matter how much I did. And he bonded with all my brothers naturally. Even my parents loved him. He never cared I had to babysit, or if one of them was around when we were together.

"Are you sure?" she asked, hopeful again. "Totally. Go get dressed. He's supposed to be here in about ten minutes or so," I told her and she gratefully dashed off to her room.

She was still getting dressed when the doorbell rang. Barefoot, I ran down the stairs to open it.

"Hey," I said when I saw Joey. I hugged him and let him inside. "Where is everybody?" he asked, noticing the unusual silence in my house. With eight kids, my house was usually pretty loud. "Parents went out and pretty much all my brothers and sisters are with friends. Except Rachael," I told him. He nodded his head. "And on that count," I said, "I invited her to go with us. I don't want to leave her here alone. Is that okay?"

"You're seriously asking me this? Of course it's okay. What do you think I am? An asshole? I'd bring my little brother along too if I had to. It's totally cool," he said. I smiled. I knew he wouldn't mind. "I didn't think you'd mind. But just wanted to make sure. Let me go get my purse and get her and we'll be back down in a minute," I told him and ran back up the stairs.

Rachael was just coming out of her room when I turned down the hallway. "Hey. He's down there. Just let me get my purse and shoes," I told her and stepped in my room for a minute before returning ready to go. We walked downstairs together.

"Hey, Rachael," Joey said nicely. "Hey," she said. "You ready to go?" I asked both of them. They both nodded and we all got in Joey's car.

"So, where are we going?" I asked outloud. "I was thinking we could go to JumpJava first. Then go check out the movies or something. If that's cool with you," Joey replied.

"Is that cool with you, Rach? I'll buy you a mocha. You know it's your fav," I teased as I turned in my seat to look at her. She smiled and nodded.

"So, Rachael, what are you doing this summer?" Joey asked her as switched lanes. "I'm going to art camp at the end of June. Other than that, nothing much," she told him.

Rachael loved to paint more than anything. She had gotten accepted at a college art camp for two years in a row now and she lived for it.

"That sounds like fun. How long is the camp?" Joey asked. "Three weeks," she said. He nodded as we turned into JumpJava.

The smell of coffee was overwhelming as we walked in the door. It was Tuesday night, which was Double Java night. Almost every couple, group of friends, and family in Perkins was stopping in for coffee. It was practically impossible to turn around in the small shop. We were pushing through people to get to the line when I heard a familiar voice.

"Bethany Johnson! Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes!" the voice said. I turned around and rolled my eyes as I saw Mike Sawyer and David Morrison, Joey's best friends, walking towards us. "What's up, man?" Joey greeted them. "Not much. Just the usual," David replied.

David and Mike were both Joey's age. While Mike had a steady girlfriend, Katrina Jackson, David tended to play the field more. He picked up a different girl at every party and never stayed with any of them very long. He really wasn't all that bad, but he defenitely had a repuatation for being a player. Unfortunately, Rachael had the biggest crush on him for years. I felt her shift a little next to me.

"Guys, this is my sister, Rachael," I introduced them. Mike said hello to her and David checked her out, head to toe.

"Beth, where you been hiding this one? She's fine," David commented. I knew Rachael must've been on cloud nine right then, but I felt protective of her suddenly.

"Yeah," I told him as he moved closer to her, "And she's also thirteen."

David held up his hands, surrendering. "Okay, okay. Whatever the boss says. I'll back off," he said. I rolled my eyes at him and grabbed Rachael's arm. "We're going to the bathroom," I informed Joey and pulled her through the crowd. Geez, this place is packed, I thought. Finally, we reached the bathroom.

"Oh, my gosh! Beth, did you hear what he said?" Rachael squealed once we got through the bathroom door. "Yeah, I heard him. Which is why we came in here," I told her.

A familiar feeling crept up in the bottom of my stomach. It's the one I always felt before I put some girl that was too close to Joey in her place. Or before I dumped a drink on a guy for getting too touchy. I was pissed. David really wasn't a bad guy, and Rachael had always been a good kid. But I was pissed off, and I didn't know why.

"Seriously, Rach. Sure, David's a good guy. But you can't buckle the first time some guy batts his eyes at you," I told her. "I know. But David is so cute, Beth," Rachael pleaded.

"And so are about a million other guys. That doesn't mean they're good enough for my little sister, though," I told her. "Please, Beth," Rachael pleaded again. I considered this.

"Fine. You can talk to him. But I'm serious, don't fall head over heels for him in the first conversation. Guys like him are good at this. You have to be careful," I told her. She nodded.

"I promise," she said and for some reason, I knew she meant it. I felt my body relax a little. I pulled my makeup out of my bag and pulled her closer.

"Okay, well, if you're gonna do this, come here," I said. She smiled.

After applying a little mascara, eyeshadow, and lip gloss, we were set to go. I opened the door and was about to walk back out when Rachael said, "Hey, Beth?"

I turned around. "What?"

"Thanks," she said. I smiled at her and we walked out of the bathroom together.


"Hey," Joey said when we got back. We were almost at the counter now, with only a few people in front of us. "Hey," I said and slipped my arm around his waist. Mike was talking to someone on his cell phone, probably Katrina.

"So Rachael, what grade are you in?" David asked. "Eigth," she told him. He nodded. We were at the counter now. We finally ordered and sat down at an empty table in the corner. "What are you guys planning to do tonight?" Mike asked us.

"We were thinking about going to a movie," I said, "You guys should come." This last part was partly for Rachael's benefit. She smiled at me and I smiled back. Mike and David agreed to come, and thirty minutes later we were walking into the theatre.

"Beth," Joey said before we went in the door. I let go of the handle and let the door shut. Everyone else was already inside.

"What?" I asked. "Come here," he said and pulled me closer to him. "What is it?" I asked again. Joey leaned down and kissed me, full on the lips. I let my arms slide around his neck and kissed him back. Finally, we pulled away.

"What was that for?" I asked. "Just wanted to kiss you," he said. I smiled. As we turned around to go inside, we saw Mike, David, and Rachael standing right behind us. They had probably been sitting there watching us make out the entire time.

"Oh, hey," I said, nearly walking right into Rachael. "Wow, I always thought Caitlyn exaggerated about you and Joey. But now, I see she was right on target," Rachael said easily.

"Oh, shut up," I said and playfully pushed her. She laughed and I walked purposefully to the door and went inside.