An Ode To Worf

Why I'm so mean, you ask.
I'll tell you why.
I stand all day,
my corns and bunions ache.
They wonder why
I have such an evil stare.
They've never thought,
to give me a chair!

Why I'm so mean, you ask.
I'll tell you why,
Just look at what they've done,
to my hair!

Why I'm so mean, you ask.
I'll tell you why.
They've canned Yar in tar!
I moved up in rank.
Now, there's a "Kick Me",
sign on my flank!

Why I'm so mean, you ask,
I'll tell you why.
They sent away K'Athrine,
who covered for me,
and was crazy enough,
to drink my tea!

Why I'm so mean, you ask.
I'll tell you why.
My discommendation
Even Klingons hated my guts.
My name's not worth "puch nav"!
How'd I get into these ruts?

Why I'm so mean, you ask.
I'll tell you why.
"Worfie Baby . . . . ,"  purrs K'Ehleyer
as she nibbles my ear.
"Remember our last rendezvous?
We've got a son,
and he looks just like you!," 
she says, as she sheds a tear.
"But, there's one tiny problem.
He dosen't wanna be a warrior!"

Why I'm so mean, you ask,
I'll tell you why.
Duras, My Old Lady he slew.
To avenge her,
despite Captain's orders,
I tracked him down,
and gave him his due.

Why I'm so mean, you ask.
I'll tell you why.
I'm abducted by a crazy blond Rom'lan.
Nearly raped by a Klingon female,
who's breath could extingush a nova!
That was one time,
I wished life was over!

Why I'm so mean, you ask.
I'll tell you why,
Every alien's out to get me!
Get out of the way,
it's Trash The Klingon Month!
Even Troi has her day!

Why I'm so mean, you ask.
I'll tell you why.
Guinan beat me at target practice,
and tells me to laugh!
She must have thought that,
I have gone daft!

Why I'm so mean, you ask.
I'll tell you why.
They think I don't know what
Prune Juice really does!
It doesn't just give me a buzz!

"tut-tut!"  They say.
He's always in a foul mood.
He's forever in a snit!
That's because they've never,
let me stomp, bust up, or hit!
And though they've finally let me,
chase and tackle Wesly.
That isn't worth spit!

So, why do you stay?  You ask.
I guess it's the pay . . . . . .


"puch nav"  Klingon for "toilet paper"