Changing Things in My Life

          Have you ever taken one moment in your life to stop and think about what it could be like if it was different? For instance, is there stuff that you have done in the past that you want to go away, and stuff that you  just want to change? You think about this because you have thoughts that maybe it's time to go further toward life and not deeper into life.

          I didn't have a great childhood like most people do. I lived with my father until I was 12 then I moved into my mothers house because living with him  was hell. When I moved in with my mother things got a little better but not all the time.

          I had this attitude problem toward everything. I always I got into trouble in and outside of school. While  living with my mother we never lived in one spot we always moved around, which I very much despised. When I came back to APW High School,  my life  became worse than ever before.

          During the first year back,  I turned my whole world up side down. I became the one known to dress all in black everyday and always have a black attitude. In the middle of the year I began to slit my wrist over and over again. I even pierced one of my wrists while sitting in English class just for something to do. I also spiraled into a deeper state of depression;  when I wasn't able to cut myself, I began to  plan my own death.

But as the time and days of my life went on it even got worse.

          They say that if you keep stuff bottled up in you for so long it ends hurting you in the end and it's true it does.

          In the middle of in 10th grade at APW my whole life was becoming a mess. One night, I sat in my bedroom with two razor blades and slit my wrist 126 times, all together in one single setting, without  taking any hesitation of what I was doing. I went to school the next day and the school found out what I did through one of my friends because that morning I forgot what I did and I  rolled up my sleeves and my friend saw the marks I made the night before.

          When they tried to get me to explain in the office I refused because it was none of their business and when Henner the vice principle left the room, and then I took off from the office and out of  the school doors. A cop finally got a hold of me a put me in his car and took me back to the school, where I had to explain my story to so many people and then they sent me to Mental Heath the worst possible place you could end up. After being sent to Mental Heath I realized what I have been doing wrong in my whole life.

          I haven't cut myself or done anything else to arm myself since. But I reached point where I thought about what I was doing now and I think I'm ready and willing to change my whole life for the better.

          I still where all black, get mouthy on and off but not as much as I used to. But I want to change all that for me and not for the people around me. If it's possible to do so I want to change the way I act, color of my clothes and color to my life but only for me because I choose to do so.