The Dangers of Camping

              Camping. This word sounds friendly, and, often when said, will bring back warm, fuzzy memories of golden, fluffy marshmallows and campfire evenings.  The idea of traveling into the vast unknown and roughing it has never died out... except in Japan.  It provides a unique opportunity for guys to get in touch with their manly side and, in my opinion, gives women the chance to gain a proper respect for how clean their homes really are.
         Unfortunately, camping has many dangerous elements, including one I will soon reveal. Regretfully, I must say I will, once again, have to write another chapter in my best-selling book: The Top Ten Thousand Things That Can Turn Your Campout into a Fatal Occasion ... Volume 15. In the past, I have had included more obvious chapters such as: "Pyromaniacs and Campout Stoves", or "Five Common, Man-eating Bugs You Didn't Know About".  Well, my newest Chapter I have fondly titled: "Sleepwalkers and the Living Nightmare of Camping".
         First, I will begin by saying I am a sleepwalker. So, on certain nights, I will act as though I am awake and do things that imitate actions done while being awake such as: walking, talking, and robbing the cookie jar. (My mother is refusing believe that last one.) With that fact said, let the danger be known.
         One dark night, I was sleeping in my tent in the middle of nowhere, or as I might call it: The Wild. Well, as most people would have guessed, my body decided it wanted to see the world... without my mind's consent. Because I don't remember exactly the details of the beginning of my journey, I will start my account at the second of my awakening. It wasn't a pleasant experience.
                  The trees blocked all light from the moon and stars, making everything completely black. Along with this factor, I didn't have my contacts in, which made everything I could have seen blurry. Together these elements made me completely blind. My dream, in which I was following the leader (don't ask), had turned into a fight for survival (or something like that.). Well, I did the first thing that came to my mind: I tried to find my way back to the tent. One problem: I didn't know where I was, or what direction my tent was.
                Unfortunately, while stumbling around, I encountered the topic of Chapter 169. (Just for reference, Chapter 169 is titled: Trees and their Pugnacious Night-lives.) Yes, as one might have guessed, I was attacked by a plant... to be specific, a thorn bush.  He brutally attacked my legs, taking advantage of my blindness and the lack of human witnesses around to incriminate him. (A side note, this dangerous thorn bush is still at large. Beware!) 
         Eventually I managed to find my way out of his grasp and to safety. Luckily, a few minutes later, I found my way back to my tent alive.  Then I calmly went back to sleep in my tent without waking the other occupants. This adventure would have been a topic of enormous humor if it were discovered by my friends.
         Now, I suppose, many of my readers have just realized the full danger of this situation and are thinking, "I sleepwalk!!! I will never camp again." I beg to differ. This chapter's purpose, as well as the book's purpose, itself is not to discourage camping, but to inspire creativity and perseverance.
         Those who sleepwalk should take creative measures as I did. I learned that it would be worth my time to attach a cord to my hand or foot. This cord made it so I would not be able to sleepwalk without waking up or dragging my cot through the forest...which would eventually wake me up... I hope. Either way, the sleepwalker would wakeup... hopefully closer to the tent than he/she would have been without the cord.
         Camping is hard and dangerous, but will not kill anyone... unless the camper is really stupid, male, or just plain unlucky.  Nevertheless, surviving hard and dangerous things creates strength, knowledge and perseverance. One learns that "the sun will always come up tomorrow", (unless you are in Alaska during certain parts of the year) and that "if it doesn't kill you, it will make you stronger".  These messages are timeless and valuable lesson to learn.

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