I Remain

Where to go?
What to do?

Where is my path?
Where is my purpose?

Do I have some glittering talent or niche I can claim as my own?

or am I doomed to be an aimless questioning wanderer...
transversing through the grainy sands of time without direction,
continuing to live just because I Am.
Will I watch the hustle and bustle of the active and fulfilled from above?

Always above...always separate and distant from others.
no matter how hard I try
no matter how hard I scream
no matter how hard I pound on the glass,
always there remains a faint but impermeable barrier

Cutting me...away
Thrusting me...away
Severing me...away
keeping me at arms length.

I never can "click" into place,
  never can "fit" in with the others,
  never can "be" in the here and now.

Doomed to live a lonely existence in a barren land bereft of sense, of warmth, of connection.
  an aimless wasteland for the lost soul
  a glass plane in which one is kept separate from all but views always
  a suffocating space with no air
  a delusional state where a half-hearted hope forever lingers in the mind,
 
sickeningly torturous 
      with the possibility of maybe...

Maybe.

maybe I'll wake up to a clearer day where everything makes sense
a day where I'll know what my purpose is
a day where I'll know my life is fulfilling and whole.

Wholeness. Completeness. Assuredness. Security. Comfort. Love. Belonging.

Until then I remain in a suspended state of existence, living...but not quite
Until then I remain ridden with the possibilities of what could be
Until then I remain...I remain...I remain.