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Christmas Special that has nothing to do with Christmas! Who will save us? |
| [Introduction]
High everyone! I know I'd wait for Christmas to come but this story just coulden't wait so without further ado I bring you Christmas Capers! Plot: The High Evolutionary, an evil mastermind who creates an army of hyper evolved animals to take over the world. In the weeks before Christmas animals start dissapearing from zoos and pet shops all across the country and it is up to the Manimals to stop him! Differance between Manimals and Beastials: Manimals are human beings who have been fused with animal DNA and can swith between human and animal forms at will. Beastials on the other paw are animals who have been hyper evolved by radiation. Beastials look even more like animals than Manimals and must where latex human suits to walk among humans unoticed. Characters Good Guys: Matoaka Redfeather: Matoaka is different from the others her mother was human but her father was a unicorn! She has the power to become and anthro and non-anthro unicorn she also has the power to become a cheetah, hawk,grey squirrel,crocodile ,wolf and black bear (all non-anthro unfortunetly) Matoaka's mate is the former Prince of Planet Ava Zander. Minsk Flemmingcoff: Minsk is a human/mink hybrid a powerful warrior who is about to have a child, is currently in Russia. Minsk's mate is the dashing human thief The Prowler AKA Edward Green Bill Brandy: Bill is a human/Texas Longhorn hybrid is the tough guy/streetwise teen of the team Bill's girlfriend is a teen enviormentalist Samantha Star Jim Buckwheat: Red Squirrel/Human hybrid Jim is the kid brother of the team and Bill's best friend he is also the chosen weilder of the Space Sword which unfortunetly has been stolen from him! Jim's girlfriend is the pampered rich girl Jordan Celt. Bob Buttz Catfish/human hybrid Bob is Bill's half brother, the big nerd of the group he is also Jewish and gay Bob is gay and single Bad Guys the 2nd gen beastials: These are characters I made up so I'm not ripping off and shaming Marvel Comics like I did last time. Sir Aries: Uplifted Ram/Sheep Sir Taurus: Uplifted Bull Sir Nrrr'c: Uplifted Cockroch Lady Tiamat: Uplifted Five-headed Dragon Yin and Yang: Uplifted Ant and Termite respectivly |
| The High Evolutionary stood before his Beastials. They trembled before him like little puppies. "You have failed me." Said The High Evolutionary "I set out to create a perfect race and you coulden't rise above your defects! I have a very good mind to recycle you all!" The Beastials from Lord Tyger to Lady Vermin shook with fear as he said that "But I won't." The H.E. said "Instead you shall be kept alive to help raise the 2nd gerneration of Beastials!" H.E. pushed a button reavealing a glass chamber, inside a small black sheep "You were all evolved with a an invetion I call Isatope A. This new generation shall be evolved with a new product I call Isatope B!" A green light filled the glass chamber! The black sheep bellowed in pain as it hyper-evolved! This was the beginning of the 2nd gen beastials Moving right along, It was Christmas Eve and all through out the city not a person was gloomy except for Bill Brandy. Bill idly watched the world go by at a Hot Topic while sucking a Jamba Juice Bill was always sad during the Holiday season. He wasen't sure why but somehow Christmas always reminded him of the death of his 1st girlfriend Maddy Saturday A few minutes later Samantha Star, his current girlfriend appeared, she was bundled up in a wooly sweater and looking around as if she had not a care in the world. She stopped when she found Bill "Hey Bill I need to talk with you in private can we go somewhere quiet?" Bill sighed deeply, threw his Jamba Juice in a wastebin and left the Hot Topic "I need your help." Sam said "All over the country animals are being stolen!" She held up several newspapers chronicling the crimes "I've been planning a Stake-out. I've attached a tracking device to one of my dolphin friends and once she gets taken I need your help getting to this villain's lair!" |
| "Why did you pick a dolphin?" Bill said. "Won't that involve boats and water and great difficulties?" Sam's face fell. "You're always criticising everything I do, Bill." "That's because you come up with such wacky schemes. Couldn't you have put the tracking device on a cow? It would be easy to follow a cow." Sam shook her head. "Bill, there haven't been any disappearances of cows. I had to choose one of the species that has been disappearing." "I just think you should have chosen a land animal." "It's not going to matter that much. My Uncle said we can use his speed boat." Bill rolled his eyes. "But it's wintertime! It's going to be freezing cold out there on the water." "Quit trying to make it seem harder than it is, Bill." |
| "Anyway the dolphin is at the aquarium." Sam said "Aquarium? Why didn't you say so?" Bill was full of releif that he wasen't going to have to spend Christmas Eve on a boat in the middle of the sea Meanwhile Bob was with his mother "Bob Dear. Becuase you've been so good you get a Hanukah present early!" "Oh boy! Let me open it!" In a few seconds he had torn through the paper "OMG! A whole box of Pauly Shore movies!" Than he relized the presant wasen't so great "OMG. A box of Pauly Shore movies?" "Nothing's to good for my little perogie!" Mother Buttz said Bob tried to think of a way out of this situation "I think I hear my friends calling me" He said "I better see what they want" He rushed out the door and he planned to head for the video game store but suddenly he was stopped when a hand covered his mouth! Bob freaked! He thought some pedophile had grabbed him! He bit the hand in hopes it would release him but instead he heard a low growl! Soon they were in a nearby alley. One hand realeased his mouth though the other remaned on his shoulder. "Calm down I won't hurt you" Said a soft femmine voice "I am Belladonna Starchild and I need your help in stopping my Grandfather." "Why what's he doing?" Bob asked Belladonna took off her hair (which was clearly a wig) and reavealed she had dragon horns and ears! On her forehead was a tatoo of a Japanese Dragon "He made me a freak and he's planning to take over the world!" |
Bob stared at her. "I see.... And this involves me how?" It was Belladonna's turn to stare. "Isn't it obvious?" "Uh... no, it's not obvious at all. I'm sorry you have a crazy grandfather but I'm pretty sure that's your problem and not mine." "Don't you see what he did to me? How he made me into a dragon? Do you want something like that to happen to you?" Bob shrugged. "I reckon something like that already did. I'm half catfish, half human." "I know that! Why do you think I picked you to help me?" "I have no idea." Belladonna looked up at the sky. "You are so dense. A pure human wouldn't understand the danger. They wouldn't even believe me. They would think I was crazy. I knew a manimal would understand." "I think you're crazy, too." "Take me to your brother Bill. Yes, I know all about you guys. I did a little research. When he hears what I have to say he will help me. I know he will." |
| "Hm, Bill...", Bob muttered, rubbing his lip as he thought where he could find his somewhat elusive half-brother. "Well, I can't say whether or not he'd help you, and I'm afraid that things are going to stay that way." Belladonna's eye twitched without her knowing. "And why, pray tell, is that?" she asked, murderous intend heavy in her voice. It didn’t exactly help that she had to travel well over fifty miles to get to Bob, much less go through seemingly hundreds of websites and phonebooks trying to find him. Then there was the fact that she had to travel without being caught by her uncle’s henchmen, who seemed to be at virtually every corner and coffee shop from Arizona to Berlin. “Well, it’s kinda a funny thing, you see…” Bob started, intending to try and lighten up Belladonna’s face, but was cut off by a short outburst. “Funny? Funny?! What’s funny about my having to trek through miles of snow, cold and god knows what else what, just to find a team of people to help save the world, while having to wear a wig that makes my scalp feel like it’s on fire!? Do you realize how much I risked just by coming to you?! Do you realize how often I had to dive down into the freezing snow and muck, into rivers and dumpsters, just to avoid what could potentially be my pursuers?!? Answer me god damnit!” She grabbed his shirt and violently shook him in blind rage, from the simple implication she would not meet her saviors, practically foaming at the mouth while doing so. “…I can’t contact him at the moment.” Bob meekly finished. Belladonna blinked and, incredulously, asked, “What?”. Confident from the fact that she was no longer seeing red, Bob continued. “Well, like I was saying, you pulled me so quickly from the house that I didn’t have a chance to grab anything that I could use to call Bill, and since I don’t know where he is at the moment…”. The horned girl continued staring at him. “You mean I just took you, told you how I go here, what I had to do to get here, and shook you like a rattle, just to get that you can't call him on your cell phone?”, Bob’s head nodding in confirmation. Belladonna could only slump her head in quiet grief. |
| "But there are a some more team members I can introduce you to." Bob said Matoaka Redfeather would surely help you and she is always at Manimal Headquarters should any member of her team or anyone else need her!" "Why didn't you say so?" Belladonna felt her spirits rise "The Headquarters are in The Indian Paintbrush Wood" Bob said "Come to think of it Matoaka should be the one you were looking for not my half-brother as she is the team leader." What are we waiting for?" Bella asked putting her wig back on And the headed for Manimal HQ. Meanwhile Bill and Samantha were stopping at a comic book store "Why are we doing this again?" Sam asked "You said the kidnappers don't come untill midnight, I need to grab some stuff to read while we wait." They entered the store and a Japanese-looking man greeted them "Ah my favorite kind of customer American teenagers! May I interest you in some generic super hero adventures?" "Dude drop the act." Bill said "I'm here for some Dungeons and Dragons comics y'know from the 80s" "Dungeons and Dragons? What's that?" The clerk asked "You honestly don't know?" Bill gasped "It's on your shirt for crying out loud!" "It is?" The clerk asked "What do you think D&D stands for?!" Bill was baboozled "Desperation & defication?" Bill looked the man right in the eyes and breathed deep to take in his scent but he could find nothing wrong "OK you're weird" Bill and Sam decided to take they're buissness elsewhere. The comic book guys exaled deeply "That was close." He went behind the store and took off the latex mask that was his face revealing he was an uplifted cockroach by name of Sir Nrrr'c "I better call High Evolutionary, I've got to tell him infiltrating comic shops ain't working out... right after lunch" |
Bill and Samantha found another comics shop just a block down the street. When they entered The Lizard's Lair a bell over the door tinkled. From the back room came an old geezer in a yellow T-shirt. His beard was three feet long. Samatha chuckled. "He looks like a leprachaun." "Do you have any D&D comics?" Bill asked. "I sure do!" said the Geezer. "Check out those boxes," and he pointed to 2 boxes full of comics. "Wow!" Bill said, as he pawed through the box.. "This place is a gold mine. How come we've never been here before?" Sam frowned. "I don't remember ever seeing it here before. Hey, mister! How long has your comics shop been here?" The Geezer smiled. "Seventeen years." |
| Sam smiled and repeated, "Seventeen yea, seventeen years?!", catching herself before she finished. Still smiling, the shopkeeper nodded once again and repeated, "Seventeen years, and I've never seen a customer go away unhappy. Even if they come in with little to spend, I always find something for them to bring home. You'd be surprised by what you'd find here." Sam was still dubious of the old man's claims; she and Bill had scoured cities looking for good comic stores, even the ones that normally stayed hidden in the allyways. How had this one slipped through the cracks? Well, it certainly looked it's age; the wallpaper on the walls was faded, cracked, and peeling, and the comics were well preserved. Sam pulled out a box filled with Archie comics, and the pages weren't even yellow, despite the issue being printed nearly four decades ago. Unlike his friend, Bill wasn't the least bit concerned about how they had missed such a place; he was only happy to have found so many issues of such an old series. And the old man, well, he just smiled beneith his beard, many things buzying throughout his mind. |
| After finding enough comics Sam and Bill headed for the Aquarium. Bill read his comics quietly while Samatha froliced with her dolphin friends among them Bonnie who had a tracking device attatched to her. A man watched them from the shadows, he was a curious man with ant-like features. He tapped his wristwatch and High Evolutionary appeared on the face "What is it Agent Yin?" asked H.E. "I think people are catching on to us!" Yin whispered "Two kids are having a stake-out by the dolphin pool!" "You need not worry They can not stop us now, No one can" With that H.E. signed out Meanwhile Bob and Belladonna had reached Manimal HQ. Matoaka greeted them "Whose your new friend?" The leader asked "I am Belladonna Starchild." She took off her wig "And I suffer from being part dragon." Meanwhile Sir Nrrr'c the cockroach in disguise had found some Dungeons and Dragons cartoon videos. He was very curious about them but the High Evolutionary had forbidden him from watching videos or reading comic books, claiming they were pro-human propaganda "Hell one can't hurt." Nrrr'c decided |
| But when he slipped it into the video player he caught one of his antennae in the mechanism. "Ow! Ow! Ow!" he screamed as he struggled to get free. He yanked his head backwards and the antenna came free, minus an inch from the tip. "That's not good," Nrrr'c said. "I guess one can hurt after all." He felt so disgruntled that he decided not to watch the video. Instead he drank a small glass of orange juice and stared moodily out of the window. The tip of his antenna throbbed. At Manimal Headquarters Matoaka listened to Belladonna Starchild's long, rambling story. When it was over she shook her head in disgust. "That's the biggest crock of dragon crap I ever heard." "Wha- what?" Belladonna said. "You don't believe me? How can you not believe me? Didn't you hear what I've been through, how I suffered?" "I heard it," Matoaka said, "but I don't believe it. I think you are a spy sent here by the High Evolutionary to infiltrate our organization." "That is so not true!" Belladonna said, holding her hands out palms up. "I can prove it! I'll bring a beastial to you!" "If you can bring in a beastial, I'll believe anything you say." Matoaka said firmly but sincerly |
| Belladonna sighed deeply. "I know where there is a beastial." "Where is it?" Bob asked Belladonna pulled out a cover a Playboy "Right here." "That looks like an ordanary skinny blond girl." Bob said "She is really a five-headed dragon! Her real name is Lady Tiamat." "Very well." Matoaka said "Bring me Lady Tiamat" "Very well Mother-to-be." Bella said with a twinkle in her dragon eyes "I'm NOT pregnant!" Matoaka snapped harshly "Than what is that lump in your bellly?" Bella sneered "Allright! I admit it! I'm pregnant." Matoaka huffed "Bob you stick with Bella and make sure she dosen't get hurt." Meanwhile at the aquarium Bill and Samantha were beginning to get sleepy, the sun was setting and the dolphins were getting ready for bed. Suddenly a great flash of light exploded out of nowhere! And when it ended Bonnie and the other two dolphins were gone! "HOLY SATANTIC RITUAL!" Bill bellowed "What was that?" "That was what we were waiting for." Sam answered The GPS beeped "They're in that truck! We must follow it!" |
| Bill and Samantha jumped into Bill's Mazda Miata and kept behind the truck as it left the city and entered the countryside. "Where the hell are they going?" Samantha said. "I don't know, but at these gas prices-" "Stop worrying about money, Bill. You know my uncle is rich." Bill shrugged. "I know, Sam, but I kind of like to pay my own way and not be dependent on your rich uncle for handouts." "Look! The truck is turning down that dirt road." Bill frowned. "Okay, I'll drive on past the dirt road and then turn around and come back. It would be too obvious if we just pulled in right behind them. It might be a private road." "I think it is, Bill. I saw a No Tresspassing sign up on a tree." |
| They turned quickly and parked the car. After they hopped out Bill got on all fours and Sam climbed onto his back, they began to make their way to the manshion on the hill. The three dolphins were in a tank bumping and thumping in the truck, when at last they reached the mansion they were unloaded by two Steers. Sir Aries the black ram checked them off on the list. "Three Bottlenose Dolphins, Check." Bill sneaked by with Samantha without the ram noticing. "I see every animal that's been stolen in those cages over there!" Samantha whispered Meanwhile Bob and Belladonna were at Ichabod Crane's house as Bob had claimed they would need some fear gas. Bob knocked on the door and Ichabod answered "Oh it's just you Bob." Ichabod sighed "I was hoping you were Alice." "Listen, Remember those Beastials you and Bill met a few monthes ago?" Bob asked "Well I need some Fear Gas to combat them!" "Oh no, no, NO!" Ichabod said firmly "You are not getting any fear gas out of me!" "You'll do it, or so help me I'll pinch your bum when we go back to school where everyone will see!" "You woulden't dare!" Ichabod hissed "I will unless you give me some fear gas!" "I hate it when you sexualy blackmail me!" Ichabod then went to the basement to get some fear gas when Belladonna looked sharply at Bob "That wasen't very nice." |
| Ichabod Crane came back with the Fear Gas. Bob thanked him for it and headed off the the upscale apartment where Lady Tiamat lived. Meanwhile Bill and Samantha were hiding behind some cages where the animals were being kept. In the center of the room something that looked like a large telephone booth stood. The High Evolutionary desended from down a winding staircase. He snapped his fingers. "Bring forth the White faced Hereford!" The two humanoid steers dragged a young bull by the ring on his nose. They than locked him into the glass booth. The High Evolutionary pushed a button, and the booth filled with a green light! The bull bellowed in pain as it evolved into humanoid form! "This is horrible!" Samantha cried Bill snorted with rage "This has got to stop!" |
"What are we going to do?" whispered Samantha. "For starters, destroy that booth." The booth opened and the evolved bull tumbled out. Two workmen immediately hoisted it onto a stretcher and carried it out of the room, followed by the High Evolutionary. The door slid shut. "Now's our chance," Bill said, "before they come back. You watch the doors while I crash the booth." Bill ran full speed at the booth, lowered his head, and hit it with a mighty thump. The booth cracked. Bill backed up and charged again. This time the booth shattered. "I hear someone coming!" Samantha called. "Come on then, let's get out of here!" Bill grabbed Samantha's hand. |
| They ran and hid behind some cages. The one who entered the room was none other than... Lord Gator! "S***!" Said Bill "Don't know how I knew but I knew!" "Who is he?" Samantha asked Bill just clapped a hand other her mouth and began to slowly back away to the exit. Lord Gator gasped when he saw the shattered booth "The High Evolutionary will string me on barbed wire for this!" He gasped Even though he still hated the Gator, Bill felt a tiny bit bad for him. Bill and Samantha ran into a closet and locked the door. "I think we'll be safe here for awhile." Bill said even though he doubted himself. Meanwhile Sir Nrrr'c decided to read some comic books, he was not prepared for what they contained. Sir Nrrr'c came to the conclustion the Humans were capable of both good and evil otherwise they would not tell moral stories if they were not moral themselves. "This plan is all F***ed up in the logic." Sir Nrrr'c thought "I must do something" |
But what could he do? Sir Nrrr'c sat and thought for a long time. Really the easiest thing to do would just be to put the comics out of his mind and pretend he never read them. But when he tried to do that he couldn't. Somehow he now saw humans in a new way and he realized that the High Evolutionary's schemes were immoral. Sir Nrrr'c was in an agony of indescision. He didn't want to be disloyal to his fellow Beastials and yet... what they wanted to do was so wrong. Bill and Samantha sat in their closet, waiting. "You smell good," Bill said. "What?!" Samantha said. "Why are you talking about my smell at a time like this?" Bill nuzzled her neck. "Stop that, Bill!" but her voice was softer. Bill nibbled her ear and soon they were kissing and more... "What if they hear us?" Samantha said. "We'll just be very quiet," Bill said and slipped off his shirt. |
| Meanwhile, in an upscale penthouse, Bob and Belladonna had tracked down Lady Tiamat The humanoid five-headed dragon was not even wearing her latex suit! A naked dragon woman lay on the bed idly reading a newspaper "Wait." Said Belladonna "Before you use that fear gas I think I should use my weapon." She took out an ivory flute "That's your weapon?!" Bob's jaw dropped "A flute?!" "Listen and learn." Belladonna replied She began to play a soft gentle tune. Bob looked through the keyhole and noticed Tiamat was getting sleepy, very sleepy indeed. Meanwhile, Bill and Samantha were just a breath away from making love, when a sharp voice snapped them back to reality "Who do you think smashed the booth?" "I dunno, but I'd bet my designer genes it was some unstable beastial." "Uh-oh" "Uh oh What Yin?" "I think someone spilled my athrodisiac poition." 'Bloody Hell!' Bill thought 'That's why we're so horny' Samantha must have been thinking the same thing as she pulled away from Bill and hid behind a pile of clothes |
"Quick!" Bill whispered. "Get dressed! What were we thinking?!" Bill and Samantha scrambled into their clothes as quietly as they could. Outside their closet the room was filling with soldiers with loud voices. "Smashed the booth! When I catch the slimeball who did this I'll rip his arms off!" At the upscale penthouse Bob and Belladonna had forcwed their way into the room of the sleeping Lady Tiamat. "How long will she sleep?" Bob asked. "It doesn't matter. If she starts to wake up I'll just play another tune on my flute. Now how are we going to get her out of here?" "We can roll her up in a rug and carry her out," Bob said. There's a perfect rug right over there." The hardwood floors of Lady Tiamat's penthouse were covered with several oriental rugs. "Damn, she's heavy!" Bob grunted as he picked up one end and Belladonna lifted the other. They dragged the rug-encased dragon lady out to the elevator. "I hope no one sees us. They'll probably think we're stealing a rug." |
| Bill and Samantha had gotten dressed but were very unsure if it was safe to leave yet. Bill peeked through the keyhole and saw Lord Tyger speaking to the other beastials. After a few words they all left the room. "Finaly." Bill sighed He opened the door "Come on, we need to get back to the car." "But what about them?" Samantha gestured to the animals "We smashed the booth remember?" Bill took her hand "Without the help of my fellow Manimals we can't possibly evacuate them all" Meanwhile after much puffing and panting Belladonna and Bob were almost at HQ. They rested Tiamat down Belladonna looked more like a dragon than ever! White scales covered her face, her muzzle had grown complete with Asian dragon whiskers. Bob thought she looked like a fine specimen but didn't say so out of politeness. Bella turned to Bob, "How come you have the hots for that Ichabod fellow? He isn't particuly attractive and he dosen't seem to like you very much." "I'm not sure if I can explain it." Bob said "But we are very much alike personality wise we're both social outcasts but we're both very proud and tempermental and we would never change ourselves just to be popular." "You have that faraway look in your eyes." Bella said gently "Something happaned between you..." He cut her off "What I'm about to tell you happend this November on Ichabod's birthday" Bob said "Earlier that October he and my half-brother Bill had set aside their differnces and become friends on the day of his birthday I left some flowers and a love poem I had written in his locker... That poem said a few risque things that I'm thinking must've really ticked him off." (We are briefly flashback to that day through Memory) Ichabod was thourghly Ticked-off today! Bob left a bouquet of flowers and a rather disgusting love poem in his locker. Ichabod felt he had to tell that Catfish Boy once and for all he was not freaking interested! Bob was talking to Jim of something or other. Ichabod took the bouquet and threw it at Bob's head. Bob coughed and spat out Baby's Breath petals and sneezed out cornflowers as Ichabod approched him "Now you listen and listen good! I'm not interested in you! I'll never be interested in you! I'm heterosexual! And you are you are a fat little fag!" Bob was mortified! As Ichabod walked away in a huff. All the other kids pointed and laughed at him and called him names. Bob was so angry that he could cry! Later that day at lunch Ichabod idly strolled by hoping to find Alice somewhere. Suddenly he felt something grab his hair and pull him down! "No one gets away with calling me a FAG! "Bob hissed with Animal ferocity "OW OW OW! LET ME GO!" Ichabod hissed with pain. Bob dragged Ichabod to a beanch and draped him over the side. Than putting a hand on the small of Ichabod's back to keep him still he pulled down his pants revealing his tighty whiteys. Bob took a marker and with an evil grin wrote 'Birthday Boy' on Ichabod's rump "Hey! W-what are you doing?" Ichabod growing more and more frightened with each second. Bob paid him no heed but got out a belt from his pocket he had always saved for just such a chance "I loved you. I really loved you and you treated me like dirt! Well Ichy it's payback time!" Bob swung the belt and placed a smarting sting on Ichabod's behind! "OW OW!" Ichabod yelped! "OK OK I'm sorry! I didn't mean what I said! OW OW! I said I'm sorry! What do I have to do give you a kiss?" "You can't sweet talk you're way out of this one! You're going to take this punishment for as long as I want you to!" Bob gave anouther sting. Suddenly the Jock boys who had heard the yelps and wondered what the comotion was about looked and saw the sight and started laughing their rear ends off! "HA HA HA!" Cackled Brad Stud "The little Fag boy is displining his slave!" Bob stopped smacking when he heard the jeers. Ichabod's heart skipped a beat with dread "Yeah." Jeered Mookie Wilson "Ichabod is Bob's skinny bitch!" Bob stopped completly becuase he suddenly felt ashamed but his hand was still firmly on Ichabod's back who was now weeping from humiliation "Bob, I'm sorry! I'll never call you a fag ever again! But can you please PLEASE let me go? This is way too embaressing!" Bob sighed and took his hand off his beloved's back. Ichabod stood up, pulled up his pants, wiped away his tears and ran off to cry in private |
Bella shook her head. "Wow, you really humiliated him. Ichabod must hate you now." "I'm not sure he does," Bob said. "In a strange way I think he wants me to do something like that again." Bella laughed. "Oh yeah. Sure. Right. I think in a strange way YOU want something like that to happen again." "No, seriously. You can't tell anybody else this, but... when he ran away in his tighty whities I noticed he had an erection." Bella's eyes widened. "Oh my." "Yes, but I don't think Ichabod would ever admit he enjoyed it. Maybe he has mixed feelings about it." "I know I have mixed feelings about it," Bella said. "Are we rested enough now? Let's drag this dragon the rest of the way to HQ." |
| They dragged Lady Tiamat back to Manimal HQ. Zander and Matoaka were inside, Zander stroked his beloved's belly feeling the motions of the child inside, when Bob and Bella came in. "I bring you the Lady Tiamat." Belladonna said bowing low. "Well done Belladonna." Said Matoaka "You were true to your word and as promised I will assit you in the fight against your Grandfather." Bill and Samantha were driving away from the hill when THUD! They hit something! "OMG! I think we hit a Beastial!" Samantha said "We better make sure its dead." Bill growled They had hit Sir Nrrr'c who was not dead or even hurt but merly stunned for a second "Don't kill me!" Nrrr'c begged "I can help you!" |
Bill put his hands on his hips. "We don't need any help from a stinking cockroach!" "I don't stink!" Sir Nrrr'c said. "And yes, I can help you. I have seen the light and realize that the high Evolutionary's plans are evil. I want to help the humans resist the coming devastation." "What devastation?" Samantha said. Nrrr'c brushed the question away. "It's a long story and time is short. Take me to your leader and I will explain all." Bill shrugged. "What could it hurt? Sure, I'll take you to our leader, but if this is a trick you can consider yourself squashed." "Don't worry, it's no trick." |
| "I know the secret of what can-de-evolve a beastial back into a normal animal." Nrrr'c said "What's that Contempory Jazz?" Bill laughed "No but you're close actually it is a thing called Perfect Harmony." "Perfect Harmony?" Bill repeated "Yes. It is when Music is so sweet and pure that it grabs a hold of beastials and transforms them back to normal animals. Meanwhile Zander was getting ready, putting on his battle gear when Lady Tiamat woke up and saw him. "Hello handsome." The dragon murred "I bed your pardon!?" Zander spun around "Don't be so shocked" Tiamat whispered "Are you a manimal or a beastial?" "Neither." Zander said beginning to feel uncomfortable "I'm an alien" "Interesting." |
Lady Tiamat walked around Zander, admiring him from all sides. "You look so strong and handsome in that armor." Zander blushed. "Thank you. I don't often get compliments." "Oh, but you should. You may be an alien but you're the hottest guy I've seen in a long time." "Uh, yes.. well... um, I've got to be going now..." Tiamat grabbed Zander's shoulder harness. "What's the rush? This armor looks so interesting... Was it made on your planet?" "Yes, it had to be. This breastplate is custom-made to fit my chest." "It's so shiny. Why don't you take it off and let me get a closer look at it? I want to admire the craftsmanship." Matoaka appeared at the doorway. "What's going on here?" Zander jumped. "Uh! Lady Tiamat was just admiring my battle gear." "And what's IN the battle gear," added Tiamat. Matoaka's eyes narrowed. "What's IN the battle gear belongs to me." Lady Tiamat flashed a smile at Matoaka. "Of course.... for now." And she swirled out of the room before Matoaka could reply. "Stay away from that one," Matoaka said. "She could be trouble." Zander laughed. "I'm old enough to take care of myself." Matoaka looked hard at him. "But I'll try to avoid her." |
| Bill and Samantha drove quickly with Sir Nrrr'c. When they foud manimal HQ they all jumped out hoping they were not too late. They quickly explaned to Matoaka that Sir Nrrr'c was on their side and Nrrr,c explained how Perfect Harmony changed Beastials back to normal "Let us test it for ourselves." Zander said He got out his flute and faced Lady Tiamat "Let's see if you can resist this." He smiled |
| Lady Tiamat said, "What is that object?" "It's a flute, a musical instrument," Zander said. "Don't you Beastials have music?" "No, but I have heard of it. Isn't it a type of sound the humans sometimes make to excite or soothe themselves?" "Not just humans," Zander said. "My people are very advanced users of music." "Really?" Tiamat said. "And that flute thing is how you make the music?" "It's one way. There are many others. Would you like to hear a song?" "Yes," Lady Tiamat said. "I am curious about it." Zander looked at Matoaka and Bill and Samantha with raised eyebrows. "Well... here goes..." He put the flute to his beak and began to play. |
| He played a strange, very tender and sad song. It was a piece from Planet Ava known as The Ballad of the Lover's Ghost As Zander played the strange power of Ave music magic began to take shape. Tiamat saw the world aroud her melt away into the beautiful forest she grew up in. She saw the rich fruits of her homeland and her mouth watered to taste them once more. As Zander reached the emotional climax of the Ballad Tiamat saw the ghost of her favorite mate form out of snow she yearned to touch him |
Lady Tiamat reached out toward the ghost and suddenly felt herself falling, falling down through snowflakes and mists... "Is she alright?" Samantha said. Lady Tiamat was stretched out on the floor, apparently unconscious. "I guess so," Zander said. "My music seems to have affected her just like Sir Nrrr'c said it would." "Did you use Perfect harmony?" Samantha asked. "I think so. I'm not really exactly sure what Sir Nrrr'c meant by that, but I played as purely as I could. What's going to happen to her?" Matoaka frowned. "We need to put her in a bed and post a guard." "Why a guard?" Bill asked. "Do you think she might be dangerous?" "To tell you the truth," Matoaka said, "I don't really know what to expect. I've never seen a Beastial subjected to Perfect Harmony before so I don't know." "Maybe someone should get Sir Nrrr'c back in here and ask him what to do?" "Why did he leave?" "I guess he didn't want the Perfect Harmony to affect him, too." |
| Sir Nrrr'c sat outside as the snow shivering. It was true he didn't want to be transformed into a normal cockroach just yet. "I may very well have always been different." He wondered aloud "I just don't see things the way other Beastials do. I don't see how a people who can make such wonderful things... could be bad." Belladonna stood in the corner as she sillently eavesdropped on Nrrr'c 'Maybe not all Beastials are bad either' She thought High Evolutionary had come to a fateful decestion. Tonight the planets would alighn perfectly and his powers would be unleashed. He decided he would drain the city of all it's eletricity and use it to rebuild his Evolution Machine Meanwhile Gear and Revel were flying to Earth to pay Zander a suprise visit "Do you think we should give him a heads up?" Gear asked |
"And then where would the surprise be?" Revel said. "True. But still... Sometimes you can give someone too MUCH of a surprise. Who knows what he's doing? He may be involved in something important and not appreciate our interruption." "You worry too much, Gear. We're just doing a casual drop-in surprise. If Zander is too busy to spend a lot of time with us we can still see some tourist sights." Gear sighed. "Not Las Vegas again." "Why not? I love the glitz and glamour." "It's all tawdry tinsel to me," Gear said as he carefully steered his spaceship into a parking orbit around earth. "You got our suitcase packed? It's time to shuttle down and see the Zander boy." |
| As they made their way toward Gotham City they saw something that made them turn pale. They saw a ram and a bull on mechanichal steeds flying across the city. "Ether Matoaka has expaneded her group." Revel mused aloud "Or someone else is playing in God's domain." "Something was not quite right about those creatures" Gear agreed Meanwhile Jim was with Jordan at her house where they were just kicking back. When suddenly his cell phone rang "Jim, something big has popped up come to HQ right away." It was Matoaka |
"Awww, Mat. Me and Jordan were just settling down in the hot tub." Jim held the phone away from his ear and even Jordan could hear the loud squawk from Matoaka: "I don't care if you are toasting marshmallows and singing hymns! Get your tail down here right away!" "Okay, okay," Jim said and hung up. He looked a sad face at Jordan. "Might as well put the cork back in the wine bottle. We won't be drinking wine tonight." "Let's get some clothes on," Jordan said. Jim plodded into the bedroom, dripping water on the floor. "Hey! I don't have any clean socks! What did you do all day? Obviously not the laundry." "Oh shut up. The clean laundry is still in the utility room. I'll get it." Jim admired his naked self in the mirror. "Not bad... not bad..." |
| Jim changed into his squirrel form, got dressed and came over to headquarters "What's the matter?" Jim asked "Look on the TV!" Bob said directing Jim's face. The news was on as reporter Summer Gleeson stood at town square. "This is Summer Gleeson reporting from town square. This strange old man, who may or may not be human is draining all the town's electricity!" The camera pointed upward to show High Evolutionary absorbing electricity into his hands "That is not the only thing." The reporter continued "Strange animal people are cuasing terror.... AAAAAAHHHH!" The reporter screeched as Sir Ram snacthed her off her feet. "Holy S***! You weren't kidding" Jim said Revel and Gear popped in "We came as fast as we could." Gear said "Seems like something terrible is happaning!" "I'm so glad you're here!" Zander said "Now that the King and Queen of Ava is here you can help us undo this!" |
"Really?" Gear said. "Will we be the heroes that save the day? That's great! What do we have to do?" "You have to help us stop the High Evolutionary from draining all the town's electricity." "Whoa!" Gear said. "Stop the High Evolutionary? That's not as easy as you seem to think." Zander waved his hand. "I don't think it's easy, but it has to be done." Just then the lights went out, the refrigerator made a loud clunk as it stopped working, and the air conditioner fan slowly wound down to a stop. They stood looking at each other in the sudden silence. "See?" Zander said. Revel sighed. "Come on, then, we can't stop him here. Let's go to the town square where the action is." But when Zander, Gear, and Revel arrived at the Town Square, the High Evolutionary was gone. They asked Summer Gleeson what happened. "It was terrible," she said. "He must have drained every last drop of electricity from the town. I could hear the people shouting in the movie theater. They were really pissed because it was the first showing here of Iron Man. We don't get the movies until weeks after they hit the big cities." "But where is the High Evolutionary?" Zander said. "He was up on the roof when I last saw him," Summer said, pointing at the roof of the Town Hall. "Then we moved the camera over to the theater so I could interview disappointed movie goers." "Let's go to the roof!" Revel said. "Maybe we can still catch him." |
| The manimals and the aves cofronted High Evolutionary. "Nothing can stop me now!" H.E. said as electricity sparkled from his hands Revel took out his lyre and began to play. As he played the snow bega to fall |
And the High Evolutionary began to dance. It was slow dance, appropriate to an old man. It didn't look like much more than swaying his hips a little and raising his arms. "What's he doing?" whispered Gear. "I'm not sure," Zander said. "It might be some kind of counter-magic to prevent the lyre from affecting him." The snowflakes fell faster and faster until there were so many that it was difficult to see. |
| Revel looked out and saw the beastials reeking havoc below him. He took a deep breath, raised his claw and began to mash some hot lixx on the lyre as if it were a guitar! "What's this? What's this? There's color everywhere! " Revel began to sing at the top of his voice "I think Tim Burton is gonna sue somebody." Jim frowned that Revel was working magic with copywrited lyrics "Nevermind what Revel is doing." Bill said "You better work some magic of your own before that Sheep gets you!" Sir Aries the Ram was indeed charging at Jim who quickly fled "Is that the best you can do?" Zander sighed as Jim was chased by the Ram "I can't sing and I don't play any insturment!" Jim climbed a lampost to getaway "Than dance if you can't do anything else!" Zander chided before he began playing his flute to back Revel up. 'Dance?' Jim thought Now that Zander had mentioned it Jim's father had made Jim take Irish Step Dance lessons when he was 7 in order to make him 'get more in touch with his Irish heritage' Jim felt a strange feeling on his feet and saw that he suddenly he saw those horrible Irish dancing shoes 'Golly it's been so long do I still have an Irish jig in me?' Jim thought He looked and saw Revel and Zander were using their music to devolve Yin the Ant and Yang the Termite back into normal animals "If they can do it so can I!" Said Jim He got down of that lampost and faced Aries the Ram and Taurus the Bull "Now cower before my Irish rage!" (P.S. This past week I've been on vaction in Virgina and saw Busch Gardens Europe where I saw an Irish Riverdance show) |
(Complete with horrible Irish dancing shoes?  )Aries and Taurus screeched to a stop when they saw Jim clunking around in his Irish dancing shoes. "Oh no!" Aries said. "Those shoes!" Jim clunkety-clunked along, kicking his toes. He held his arms up in stiff awkward gestures. Aries covered his eyes. "I can't take much more of this!" From the distance came the groaning of Scottish bagpipes. On top of a hill appeared the silhouette of the bagpiper marching towards them. It was Bob Butz squeezing the bag of his pipes to make them groan and whine. Taurus screamed and fell to the ground in an epileptic fit, kicking up dust and leaves with his spasms. |
| "I had no idea you were part Scottish Bob!" Jim said amazed "I'm not." Bob said "I'm Yiddish. I just like to scare people by playing my horrible bagpipes." Suddenly Revel and Zander were reaching the climax of the song and Bob, Jim and Bill joined in "The monsters are all missing and the nightmares can't be found and in that place there seems to be good feelings all around! Insted of screams I can hear music in the air." For this lyric Zander and Revel took a peice of cake and both simetainisly ate out of each others hands (a traditional Ave gesture of friendship) "... The smell of cakes and pies is absolutly everywhere" By this time all the beastials had delvolved back into normal animals |
So they all sang the last verse: This is the time to be alive When the world is happy and gay The monsters are gone, the demons are dead, All the bad things have now gone away. There was scattered appaluse when they finished. Bob bowed to the group and asked, "Would you like to hear another tune on the bagpipe?" |
| High Evolutionary looked like he was about to tear his beard out when suddenly he was run over by Reindeer! "Ho Ho Ho!" "Santa!?" Bill, Jim and Bob all gasped at once! "Of course it's me!" Said Santa "You can't have a christmas special without me! I'm Santa!" "Why are you here?" Jim asked "To take the formal beastials home." Everyone looked around Aries was now a normal sheep, Taurus a normal Bull Even Nrrr'c a normal cockroach! They all stood shivering in the cold. Santa picked up Nrrr'c, Yin and Yang and turned to Aries and Taurus. "I've come to take you to a place called Serendipity Island." Santa said "You would be welcome there and I know you would like it." Santa turned to the heroes "High Evolutionary has ultimatly done a great evil to these creatures. He has made them like humans and part of them is still human yet. For there has been no animal that could do bad things knowingly but now...." He stroked Nrrr'c's back and lay a hand on the back of Taurus "More importantly his 'radiation treatment' has utterly distroyed their gonads. "You mean..." Matoaka said "Yes... They may never be able to have children" |
"That's so sad," Matoaka said. "So there won't be millions of baby Sir Nrrr'c's rummaging through my garbage?" "I'm afraid not," Santa said. Samantha snorted. "I say good riddance to their gonads. We don't need any more cockroaches running around." "I'm really feeling festive," Bob said. Can we all sing Up On the Rooftop?" "Which one is that?" "You know... up on the rooftop, click, click, click... down through the chimney comes Old Saint Nick" "No, let's sing White Christmas. Isn't that the one with chestnuts roasting on an open fire?" "Chestnuts? What the heck are chestnuts? Is that like boy nipples are something?" "Hey! Who hung this mistletoe up here? I want to kiss somebody!" |
| So finaly after much Adventure everyone went home to their beds awaiting Christmas morning. Tommorow their would be a party at HQ and everyone was getting as much rest as they could before that day. Meanwhile the former beastials rode in Santa's sleagh all night seeing the world and finally stopping and Serendipity Island at last they were home. |
All the manimals were sleeping quietly in their beds with dreams of sugar plums in their heads... except one. One manimal was tossing and turning. One manimal was having a disturbing dream. Was it a dream that meant nothing or a dream that foretold trouble and woe ahead? |
| On Christmas morning everyone dragged themselves out of their beds with a severe case of bedhead. After a quick breakfast everyone headed over to HQ. Ichabod was invided to the party but he delebratly avoided Bob and hung out with Bill and Jim. Bob finaly cleared his throaght and said "Ichabod, I"m standing under the mistiletoe!" Ichabod saw that it was true and had the most disgusted look on his face. |
Bob laughed. "One day you will realize you love me, Ichy." Ichy stuck his finger in his throat and pretended to barf. "What's that?" Bob said. "You want to do WHAT to me? Ooooh, Ichy!" Ichy suddenly realized what a finger in the throat might symbolize and his face grew red. He turned to Bill. "That damn Bob! Why can't he leave me alone?" Bill chuckled. "What's the matter, Ichabod? Having a little fight with your boyfriend?" "He's not my boyfriend! I'm not gay!" |
| Zander and Revel shook their heads as they watched the kid's antics Now that Revel and Gear were the King and Queen of Ava they both had to wear gold headbands with a jewel in the center (The Ave equivilant of a crown) The king's jewel was a ruby the queen's was an emerald But the headbands gave a both a terrible rash so Revel had taken his off and set it aside on the table "Just a tip." Zander said "Try putting some silk on the inside of the band." They both sat sillent for awhile before Zander cleared his throaght "So... How was sex with my sister?" Revel blushed and smiled "Well, it was well... you know" |
| "How would I know?" Zander said. "I never had sex with her." Revel looked sideways at Zander. Was Zander jealous? Or just trying to make him blush. Zander could be hard to figure out sometimes. Revel's attention was drawn away by the sound of a loud crash. Out on the dance floor Bob and Ichabod were rolling around wrestling with each other. "I'm not gay, dammit!" Ichabod was yelling as he tried to pin Bob to the floor. But Bob was too nimble and kept getting loose and jumping on Ichabod's back. "I love you, Ichy!" "Uh oh," Revel said. "I think we have some drunks already." "Good," Zander said. "I was wondering when this party would get lively." |
| Zander and Revel and decided to pry of Bob before he made this story X rated Ichabod managed to creep away and hide under the stairs. A bit freaked out about almost being violated by Bob. |
Zander and Revel tried to get Bob to sit down and drink some coffee. "No!" Bob said. "I don't want no coffee! I want some more booze!" "I think you've had enough," Revel said. "No! Never enough! More! More!" "He's a raving alcoholic," Zander said. Revel nodded agreement. "Should we dunk him in a cold shower?" "No, too extreme. Let's tie him up." "Tie him up? That's a stupid idea. What are you going to say when someone finds him? Oh, we just felt like tieing Bob up. Nothing weird about that." Zander heaved his shoulders. "So what's your idea then? Hey, wait a minute! Where's Bob?" Revel and Zander looked around. "He's gone!" |
| (Ok I think this story is getting a tiny bit wild for my taste) Bob began transforming from human to catfish, but he didn't stop at the half/human half/fish mark. He started transforming completly into a fish! "Help! Help! Oh someone please help!" Wailed Bob Matoaka quickly saw what was happaning and as he shrunk out of his clothes, he picked up the little fish and dropped him in the fish tank. "Oh deary dear." Matoaka said "Poor thing consumed so much alchahal he's gone zoomorphic." "Zoomorphic?" Bill asked "Yes that's when a manimal become a complete animal!" She said |
Bill looked at the drink in his hand. "I don't think I want any more of this. Will Bob ever turn back from pure catfish?" Matoaka laughed. "Oh sure. He just needs to swim around in fresh water for awhile until the alcohol gets out of his system. I don't know how long it will take. It could be 3 hours... or it could be 3 months." "Three months! That's a long time to be a catfish. He'll forget how to use a fork." "You never forget how to use a fork, but he might be a little clumsy with it at first." "Poor Bob. He looks sad in there. Can he hear us?" |
| 'Of course I can hear you!' Bob thought glumly "There is a way we can speed up his transformation." Matoaka said "If someone, anyone will give him a kiss, he'll change back a lot faster |
"Even me?" Bill asked. "Of course. I said anyone, didn't I?" Bill reached into the tank to grab Bob. "Slow down, you slippery thing! I'm trying to help you out here!" He got a hold of Bob and lifted him up to his face. "Catfish don't have much lips, do they?" Bill planted a smack on Bob's fish mouth and dropped him back in the tank. Nothing happened. |
| But soon very soon. Things began to happan. Bob's fins started becoming arms, he began to sprout legs. He climbed out of the tank and began growing in size. They others handed him a bathrobe and turned around knowing he'd be naked |
"Thanks!" Bob said when he had regained the power of speech. "And Bill, I had no idea you loved me so much." "Aw, shut up," Bill said. "I almost threw up after I had to kiss your stinky fish lips. When are you going to learn to stay away from the alcohol?" "Yeah, I'm sorry. It's Ichabod's fault." "No it isn't." "It is! If he loved me like I love him then I wouldn't have to get drunk." Bill made a disgusted face. "Grow up, Bob, and take some responsibility for your own actions. And for God's sake leave Ichabod alone. By now you must know he's not interested." Bob hung his head. "I know you're right. But I just love him too much." "You're a fool," Bill said. |
| After everything had settled down. Zander and Revel reterned to their conversation. "Don't be so coy. Tell me how was sex with my sister?" Revel than just coulden't keep it contained any longer "It was the greatest sex ever!" Revel said "You woulden't bevieve how many orgasms we had!" Zander smiled quietly "I thought so" Revel cleared his throught "I'm glad you're happy for us. And that you're not mad about... being enchanted" Zander just shook his head "Revel, don't you see? You didn't enchant me. I was always xenosexual. Remember when we would talk about girls? And I always said that none of my suitors made me happy the way Gear made you happy?" |
Revel smiled. "How do you feel about a new little addition to the kingdom?" Zander's eyebrows went up. "Gear is pregnant already?" "No, we don't know. I'm just wondering how you would feel about it... when she does get pregnant... which we hope will be pretty soon." "I feel great about it. Bring on the kids!" "Good!" Revel smiled. "I don't know why I even thought you might have a problem with it." |
| So soon the Cristmas party was over. Everyone went to bed that night full of reknewed spirits. And as for High Evolutionary, he limped back to Marvel Land with his first gen beastials. Never to be seen again The End! |
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