Bugs...what you should know

Bugs (not the bunny) and how it all works or when Harry met Sally

Firstly let us begin by saying the delicate relationship that exists between you and any foreign object which may include any of the following: Typhoid,yellow fever,scarlet o'hara opps ,I mean fever,diaohrea chronic or acute and no you don't get to choose,toncellitus,diphtheria ,in fact the whole theria family,most of which I can't pronounce,influenza,camptobacter etc ets ad infinitum,almost; is a delicate one and one which demands our full attention if we are to understand anything about getting rid of them.
When I say "our" attention I am referring to the dedicated people in white coats that remain in the confines of a white laboratory.
Due to the combination of white on white, which I must say is a nice camouflage combination these people are hard to see and almost impossible to find.
As such these scientists bump into each other frequently - a small known fact which is starting to make its presence felt. It seems the white on white combined with excessive fatigue are contributing factors and it doesn't help that they also have their heads in the clouds which also happen to be white.Fortunately they all find this on the most part quite amusing it helps to break up their day and they consider landing on the floor with a bump all part of their down time. This is all good as we want these people to continue their work on these bugs which quite frankly are a menace.

On going into any illness the initial phase is subtle.Shortly after the bug introduces itself to your immune system, " Hi'I'm Nigel, and starts unpacking, your body tells you that things are not quite right. Subconsciously your body knows what you are in for and organizes it defense force into a state of high alert. It is almost like you are waiting for something to happen, a bit like the airport departure lounge,gazing at the regular updates on flight delays detailing flights that are not expected anytime soon. You wonder when it will all stop, so you can go.Rest assured your body will be giving you regular updates from here on in on how you are feeling. These will range from bad to worse and getting worser.

Eminent scientist Dr Arthur Shopinhowzer has identified,quite correctly according to himself, this initial period of the bug invasion is something akin to an incubation period. During this period the bug and its immediate family like to settle in a bit,before adding to their immediate family at an exponential rate which although foreign to us,is perfectly natural to them.to the mathematians amongst us this is equivalent to doubling their population every 20 min. This may seem extreme until you realize they are wanting to take over your body, I mean they mean business.
During this population explosion there will be much celebration and festivities amongst excessive conviviality and although they take a while to get started you can expect your symptoms to intensify pretty much immediately.

The incubation period is where the bug gets a feel for the body making notes on the body temperature and other particulars such as blood acidity and where to get a good nights sleep.
Many bugs are attracted to the digestive system as to them it is just like one giant water slide. All this excessive commotion causes your bowels to move at an unnaturally quick rate which is in line with hoe quick you need to make the bathroom.



Dr Arthur Shopinhowzer has also found the brain another featured attraction that the bugs seem to enjoy.
The bugs find that all of the excessive neural activity ( usually concerned with your concern about being so unwell and how many sick days you can take before the wheels will start to fall off.) is rather like an amusement parlour,complete with light shows.They enjoy riding on all the electrical impulses, much the same way we ride roller coasters and admission is free!
After a few days you feel you know the bug well enough to respect the havoc it can reek on your body. You are reasonably helpless and incapable of moving, the front door feeling like an expedition on everest.
Everyday becomes a bit of a guessing game as to when the bug has run its course.Will it return tomorrow with an even greater ferocity? Or do the array of prescribed prescription medicines need to run their course,which happens to be twelve days?
It's perfectly natural at this stage to feel a deep seated frustration and being seated in the bathroom so often doesn't help.Your thought processes may start going around in circles,something incidentally the bugs love-remember the bit about the roller coaster rides? You would pay anything to leave this bug for once and for all and although someone has to go you are too sick to do anything about it. This tumultuous relationship has to end. Just take plenty of fluids and try not to think to much...