The Delirium of a Sane Man, Vol. 1

I want to start off saying that; I am anything but a professional writer.  I consider myself a professional typist and that’s about it.  This will be my first entry and I hope that it is not too terrible.

Everyday I wake up to the sound of my cell phone alarm going off, I think about going to work, hit snooze and go back to sleep.  I wake up again, alarm "sigh" its 7:10, I count every minute.  Hit snooze, back to sleep.  This continues on as I try to push the start of my day back later and later.  Alarm, 7:30 I must get up. I lay there phone in my hand eyes drooping from being tired and depressed from thinking about the day I am about to have.  I hear one of my children singing a terrible children’s song about waking up. He happens to be doing this at the top of his lungs. I finally slump out of bed , every minute that passes I am getting more depressed thinking about going to work, about having to be awake way before I should be, simply because the world requires the evil that is money.  I think to myself I should go to bed early tonight so the next day is not like this.  I realize that no matter how terrible I feel right now, I will never go to bed early.  I feel more depressed.  I do all my morning chores to get ready and get in the car, Closing my eyes feels so good, but the more I do it the more tired I get and the harder it will be to get though the day.

  I make it to work just barely. I am already on thin ice here. I spend my day talking to people I talk to every day, and wishing I was not here. I am Thinking of Another life that I could be living. I am quickly losing any will I have to stay at work, I often leave early when they let me, causing my family to struggle more then it should.  I feel empty, save me from the world I think to myself, as I often daydream about unrealistic situations, to make the world seem a more interesting place. When I come back to earth I feel even worse, causing myself this strife that constantly burns inside of me, and I dislike the world. Someone save me from my own mind. Work was finally over, I strolled out to the front waiting for my wife to pick me up, "sigh" she’s stuck in traffic. Am I still alive? I feel cold and empty.  On the ride home I try and get enough energy to reach behind my seat and play with the biggest, but smallest joy in my life my daughter. Her blue eyes and giggling attitude brings me back to the world softly as I play with her she grows tired and starts to cry, I quickly want to hide inside of my dreams.  I love my daughter but I cannot handle fussy, this is why I have trouble with the two boys, my wife’s sons my step-sons, I love them dearly but find it very hard to deal with their attitude.  Can I hide? The rest of the night I think about how terrible tomorrow is going to be and how I would give anything to not have to go to work.  I am cold again. I watch TV my outside hiding what lurks inside, at this point I may be laughing but inside the world is over. I am tired....I am asleep, tomorrow another cold.