VH1.06 - Covet (part 2)

There was an old man sweeping the stoop of St. Bartholomew’s Church. He grinned this gummy grin at me as I hurried up the steps into the church. “Good day, Miss. Can I help you?”

Why did everyone seem to want to help me?

“No. I need to see Jude. Where is he?”

“He’s not here. He was called away to attend to private matters out of town, isn’t expected back until tomorrow.”

Old Man Gummy was wearing one of those collars, too.

“But, I need him. He told me if I ever needed to talk to him, he would be here. He isn’t here!”

“Calm down, young lady.” He propped his broom up against the railing of the stoop. “I’m sure whatever it is, I can help you.”

“No, you can’t. He’s the only one I can talk to. I’m sorry. When he comes back, would you tell him Iris was looking for him?”

“I will, child, but, you seem very distraught. Are you sure there’s nothing I can help you with?”

I shook my head. It wasn’t his fault. Jude was just a liar. He said he’d always be there, and when I needed him - when I truly needed him - he wasn’t there.

“Thanks anyway, Father.”

As I was going back to my car, I heard him call out, “Hey, wait a minute! Aren’t you that author?”

Some people just should not try my nerves while they’re standing near steps.

******************

An hour later, I was on my cell phone again, heading for the Vienna Heights Park. Leaving and going to Daisy was a mistake. Jude couldn’t help me when I really needed him. I’d have to bring her out the only way I knew how. This time, Benny answered quickly. He tends to be more prompt when he’s being paid.

“Anything?”

“Yeah, the food in the train station vending machines is severely outdated. I think I may have caught something.”

“The only thing you need to catch is Alison. Where did she go?”

Benny belched. God. Why did someone as good at his job as Benny was have to be such a disgusting maggot? “Train took her about thirty minutes out to a place called Closet Falls? Dinky place, I think it’s only like population five or something.”

“So?” I parked Violet’s car in the lot just outside the park‘s gates. “Where did she go when she got there?”

“Well, she hasn’t come out yet, but, somebody picked her up in a black car and drove her to some place called The Remington Facility? She‘s been in ever since.”

“The Remington Facility? What kind of place is that?”

“Beats me. I went in, hoping I could get a brochure or something, but, the woman behind the counter told me I was violating some kind of hygiene code and had security throw me out, so, I’m parked outside now, waiting to see if and when she comes out.”

“Good.” I hung up on him.

It’d gotten darker. The forecast this morning called for thunderstorms in the late afternoon throughout the night. The way the clouds were hanging so heavy and gray in the sky, I thought they would start soon. First would come the rain, then the thunder, then the lightning. I wondered if wherever Violet was right now, she could remember how afraid of thunderstorms we were.

The grass, however, was soft and green. It smelled as if it had been freshly mowed. There weren’t many people around, just a bunch of boys in the meadow kicking a ball around. Another woman was on the playground, helping a little girl into a bright, red coat. One more trip down the slide and they were gone.

I went for the swings. As the laws of the universe dictate, anything Violet loves I must hate. Violet loved those swings. They’d sort of been her place with Phillip, the weasel. If I had any chance of coaxing her back out, at least out to somewhere I could access, it’d be here, where she felt the strongest and the most alive.

Sitting down on the swings, I let them sway me back and forth, looking around just to make sure there was no one who could overhear me. I know it might sound silly, but I thought, if I talked to her, if I said the words aloud, maybe they’d have a better shot as getting through to her.

“Do you remember this place?” I asked. “Do you remember Phillip bringing you here? It was just after he’d introduced you to his family. He took you for coffee at the Mercer Manor and Luke had made fun of how you sipped out of the cups. Then, Phillip whisked you away here, to a picnic. You’d seen a spider crawling across his hand and he adored how adamant you were he not kill it. Because, that’s who you are. You’re the gentle one.”

The kids from the meadow sprinted past. A few droplets of rain had fallen from the sky. They were obviously afraid if they got a little wet, they’d melt. I still couldn’t feel her, but I hoped if she was remembering anything, it was how she felt there at the park that day and not how she felt on the stairs that night, or anything else about Thomas.

“You know, Vi, I don’t like you very much and it has nothing to do with Phillip. Sure, I think he’s about as lame of a choice for a husband as you can come up with, but, that’s not entirely it. I don’t like you because I depend on you just as much as you depend on me. Not that I’ll admit it ever again. You need me. You can’t function without me. I’m your will, your aggressiveness, the part of you that knows sometimes you just have to kill those spiders. But, you’re my heart. You’re the one who gets to live a life full of love and happiness and contentment that I’ll never know, and the only time I’m close to that is when you’re out, when you’re living that life. When you’re hiding like this, it’s just me and the only thing I know is the bitterness and the anger and the hurt.”

They say hallucinations are a part of Violet’s disorder. Sometimes, she would project images of me, like when she saw another little girl holding her hand at the Fowler Suites. I don’t know if that’s only true of the host or not, but now, I was projecting one of her, on the swing next to mine.

“It was so nice here that day.” She said. “We came over to the swings and he told me he loved me, and I teased him. I told him he was only saying that because he’d gotten his parents’ stamp of approval on me, and he teased me right back saying he only said it because Luke hated me and that was the only stamp of approval he needed.”

I reached out and put my hand on hers as it clutched the chain suspending the swing from the steel set. “You need to hold onto that. Don’t think about what happened. Try to focus on how happy you felt when he said he loved you.”

“Why are you doing this?” She asked. “You hate Phillip.”

My temples were starting to throb. I pulled my hand away only long enough to rub them, trying to alleviate the tension building behind my forehead. “I hate that you allow him to treat you like he does. But, the fact of the matter is that you love him. You’re my capacity to love and I don’t like that you’re wasting it on someone who treats you like he does. So, I get frustrated. I want what’s best for you, Violet. I want what’s best for me. I want there to be a day when I can live as a full person, when I can take the strength and the knowledge of what’s right for us and apply it to your ability to love as blindly as you do. But, I know now that you disappearing isn’t the answer, because I’ve never been this scared before. Not knowing how to access what you’re in control of is one thing, because I know it’s there. But, when you disappeared, when it was completely absent, I felt like I truly was just half a person.”

Violet dropped her hands onto her lap. “So, how does this work? How do I go back out there and pretend I didn’t do what I did? How do I live knowing I killed my father?”

I moved over and kneeled down in front of her. To onlookers, it would have looked like I was talking to an empty swing, but I could see her there, like a ghost.

“You don’t. You take those memories that resurfaced, the ones that scared you so badly you went away like you did, and you give them back to me.”

Violet shook her head. “Iris, you shouldn’t be burdened with that. No one should.”

“It’s what you made me for. It’s my job. I’ll carry the burden you can’t until you’re strong enough to carry it on your own without breaking.”

She wiped her eyes. I hadn’t noticed before that she was crying. Maybe it was because I’d seen her crying so many times before, I had just gotten used to it.

“What happens next?”

“You’re going to do like you always do. You’re going to close your eyes, except, this time, when you open them again, you’re not going to remember anything about Thomas’ death. You’re going to think you left Luke’s, you went to the Fowler Suites only long enough to see Alison leaving, and that you came here to clear your head. Then, you’re going to go home and get ready for the opening of New Vienna tonight.”

Violet smiled at me. “Thank you, Iris. I know you could have left me there. It means a lot that you didn’t.”

“It’s alright. Now, close your eyes.”

She closed her eyes and I took her hand again. The pain, it was unbearable. First the pain in my head, then in my soul. The world around me started to systematically shut down, fading away, until I no longer saw it as if I were there, in it, breathing its air and feeling the chill on the breeze as the storms set in, but as if I was looking through a window, as if I was watching someone else feel those things.

Violet was awake again.

************************

“Where have you been?” Phillip was pacing the floors of the penthouse when Violet came home. She stopped for a hotdog in the park, just as the vendor was shutting down. Just ketchup. She ate her hotdogs like such a girl.

“I went to the park. Do we have any aspirin?”

She’d made it home before the torrential downpour started, but now, it was raining so loudly, pounding against the windows like little grenades falling and detonating instead of gentle raindrops. If the glass weren’t unbreakable, I’d be afraid the windows would crack and we’d be swept away in a flood.

“You went to see Alison.” Phillip followed her into the bathroom, where she raided the medicine cabinet for something to relieve our headache. There were two aspirins left. She put them in her mouth, chased down with a handful of water from the sink, and then tossed the empty bottle in the trashcan. “She called me from the train station, said you were at the Fowler Suites, that you were harassing her.”

Violet’s eyes widened. “I was not. I don’t harass people.” She didn’t remember anything about the run-in with Alison, but, she thought it was safe to assume that.

Phillip was already dressed. He had on his best suit. Or, well, his second-best suit since Violet puked all over his best suit a few days ago. “Luke told me he thought you were going to get the wrong idea about Alison and me. I honestly thought you were better than this, than going around throwing that ring in people’s faces. You know how delicate our breakup was. How could you say those things to her?”

He had her cornered there, between the sink and the wall. She couldn’t get past him, even if she tried. “What things?” She asked.

“You told her that she was a whore. You told her if she was a better woman, she would have been able to keep me. She felt terrible, Violet. I honestly didn’t think you had such cruelness in you.”

We didn’t say those things. If anyone was harassed, it was us and Alison acting as if she knew what happened there. That’s when I realized there was a good chance that she did know, and she was playing the situation for all it was worth, complete with making up a story about Violet saying things to her that only I was capable of saying.

Violet ducked under one of his arms and headed back into the bedroom. He followed like a bloodhound.

“She said someone was following her, when she went to see her mother. Did you hire someone to follow her?”

“Of course I didn’t!”

Except we kind of did. I’d have to cover that one up later.

“I just never imagined you could be so insecure as to have someone follow her. What? Were you hoping to catch us together? Were you hoping if you did, it’d some how validate those nasty things you said?”

“I didn’t have anyone follow her!” She screamed, throwing open her closet door. “And, I didn’t call her a whore. Although, it’s an apt title for someone who throws herself at a man who’s supposed to be engaged to someone else. Hey, while we’re on the topic of titles, what’s the correct term for a man who lets her do it?”

Sniffle. You’re making mama proud there, kiddo. Now, if she’d just hit him, I’d almost think my little pep talk got through to her.

“I’m going to New Vienna.” He said. “See if Luke needs any help before the opening. I just can’t even look at you right now.”

“Good.” She reached in and took one of the dress bags out of the closet. “While you’re there, I want you to think long and hard about what it is you want out of this relationship, because, I’m not going to let you keep doing this for much longer. Either you want to be with Alison and you stop dragging me along or you want to be with me and you give up this obsession you have with her. One or the other, it’s a decision you need to make.”

Phillip looked back at her once more before leaving and slamming every door he met behind him.

And, Violet didn’t cry.

******************************

There were people lined up around the block, all huddled under umbrellas, waiting to get into New Vienna. The lights were on. There was a bouncer, a huge guy in an official New Vienna t-shirt, out front, checking names off of a list before letting people in through the velvet rope. Luke had sent a car for Violet, the driver of which was armed with a note. “Show up in style, Kitten.”

And, she did. She was wearing a white halter dress, per the theme of the opening. New Vienna was to be old Hollywood meets modern chic. Luke loved those old black and white movies, so everyone was supposed to dress as if they had just stepped out of one. She’d put a wave in her hair, and it now hung over her shoulders. She looked the best I had ever seen her look without a whole lot of influence from me.

The driver ran around and opened the door of the limousine for her, holding an umbrella over her as she scurried up the sidewalk to the shelter of the awning above the door, bypassing everyone in line.

“Violet Donovan.” She said to the bouncer.

He glanced at his clipboard. “Right. Top of the list. You must be important.” Big guy unclipped the rope, allowed her to step through, then re-secured it behind her.

She was surprised by what Luke had managed to do with the place. A few weeks ago, there wasn’t much to it other than the roaches and the stench of paint. He’d taken stills of some of his favorite old movies and had them retouched, to highlight the blacks and the whites, and reprinted as wallpaper, which now lined the walls of New Vienna. No image repeated twice. When Violet walked in, she hung her wrap on the rack next to Humphrey Bogart’s scowling mug.

Violet made her way in, to where all the action was. The place was already almost packed to capacity. There was a stage he’d installed back towards the back, where a behemoth of a woman was sitting on a stool, blowing on a harmonica and howling some song about love done wrong. Violet could barely understand a word she was saying but shared in the sentiment.

“Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine.” Luke was sitting at the bar, naturally nursing a gin.

“She kind of had to. You sent a car for her. Besides, it would have been rude if I didn’t come, after the way you begged me.”

He looked so handsome tonight. Luke wasn’t the type to dress up often, but, he was standing before her in a black suit with a gray silk shirt beneath it and those eyes of his were like little pools of pure blue, offset only by the few strands of silver sprinkled through that coal-colored hair of his. He still hadn’t shaved, either. Scruffy had never been so gorgeous.

“Begged you? When did I beg you?”

Violet sat down next to him. “Don’t you remember? It was just after you saved my life and nursed me back to health?”

He slapped his hand down on the bar, getting Jill’s attention. “Another gin, Jill, for my guest, when you get a second.”

Jill nodded, finishing up with the customers she was serving.

“Couldn’t find anyone else?” Violet propped an elbow up on the bar, resting her head on her fist.

Luke swiveled around to face her. “Eh, it’s OK that she’s a little crazy. Girl knows how to mix her liquors and the people seem to like her. Besides, maybe she’ll be intimidated by seeing a much more beautiful woman by my side and get the message.”

Violet cocked an eyebrow. “My, calling me beautiful. You must be desperate to get her off your back.”

Luke cleared his throat and cast his eyes down. “I was a little afraid you weren’t going to be here when Phillip showed up alone. He said the two of you had a fight over something you said to Alison.”

“It was over something I didn’t say to Alison.”

“Okay. Want to explain?”

Violet sighed. “I don’t really remember much after I left your apartment. I went to see Alison and, well, everything’s kind of a blur but she called Phillip and said I went off on her and was calling her a whore and a bunch of other stuff that, I know I didn’t. I would remember it because I would have enjoyed it too much.”

Luke smiled. Gees, his teeth were bright and sparkly. Just like his eyes when he looked at her. “What’s gotten into you? You’re being almost not annoying tonight.”

“I don’t know. I’m just looking at things differently today for some reason, like I have a renewed sense of myself and what I deserve. That’s why I gave Phillip an ultimatum. I told him he needed to figure out which one of us it was that he wanted, but he can’t have both because I deserve more than being some guy’s second choice, no matter how much I care about him.”

Jill brought over the gin, staring Violet down when she went to handle another group of people who approached the bar. Luke handed the drink to Violet, clinking it with his own. He looked like he was about to say something, before the doors opened and in walked the last person Violet needed to see.

Alison.

Violet looked stunning. Alison looked amazing plus stunning plus perfect, which is the formula for disaster. She’d slipped into a black tube-type dress that was so tight Violet wondered how she could move to descend those spiral stairs that emptied into the pit of New Vienna. She even gave this devious wink to Violet as she walked up to where she and Luke sat.

“Alison.” Luke said. “I believe I put your name on the banned list.”

Violet snickered.

“You did. Your brother had them take me off it. He thought Violet put you up to it. You should have filled them in that he’s no longer your main investor. That’s now Cal Calpresi.” She raised her voice when she said his name. “Do you know who that is, Violet?”

Violet shuddered. That stupid bitch. She did know. I don’t know how, but, she did. Violet’s stomach started doing summersaults and by the way Luke looked at her, he could tell something was wrong.

“No.” Violet replied weakly.

“Hey, are you OK?” Luke asked when he saw how pale she got. He turned back to Alison. “You need to leave before I have someone throw you out.”

“I’ll leave just as soon as I find Phillip. He called me. Said he had something he couldn’t wait to tell me, wanted me to meet him in the private lounge. I would suggest going home, Violet, but, he might want you to stick around, so the society photographers can get a good shot of him taking the ring back.”

Luke stood up, towering over her. “Go do whatever it is you have to do, but I swear to God I will wring your neck myself if you say another word to Violet.”

Alison pulled her long, golden hair back away from her face, letting it fall back behind her shoulders, exposing her neck, as if she was daring him to try it. “That’s fine. Just point me in the direction of the lounge. The quicker we get this over with the better. Phillip and I have been apart long enough, after all.”

Luke hitched his thumb off to the right, where there was a black curtain blocking the back room. “You’ve got five minutes before I have security haul your ass out.”

She waved at Violet. “Trust me. That’s all I’ll need.”

Violet watched her wade through the sea of dancing, mingling people, before disappearing behind the curtain. When she was gone, Luke turned back to her.

“You banned her?” She asked.

“I didn’t want her causing a scene and upsetting you. Are you sure you’re alright?”

She took another sip of the gin. “I’m alright. I’d be better if I knew what he was saying to her, though.”

Luke drummed his fingers on the bar. “Then, we’re going to have to handle this like mature, rational, responsible people.”

Violet drew her eyebrows together, curiously. “And, how do mature, rational, responsible people handle things like this?”

Luke took her hand. “They eavesdrop.”

Violet smiled as he whisked her down the same path Alison had just traveled, through the sea of people. The whole way, Violet dreaded what she would hear. Either Phillip would be in there telling Alison it was over, or he would be in there, telling her she was the woman he wanted to be with. Before they reached the curtain, Luke stopped.

“Whatever happens, Violet, I want you to know that she’s not better than you and my brother was dropped on his head several times as a child. Mostly by me, but, the damage is done.”

Violet nodded. “Thank you.”

And, then, she did it. She leaned her head against the frame, pulling the curtain back ever so slightly to peek in. The private lounge was done up just like Luke’s apartment, with plush, black carpet and black, leather sofas and a white bar where a bottle of champagne sat chilling in a bucket of ice. Phillip had gotten them champagne? Violet’s stomach sank.

Alison was standing near the bar with her arms around Phillip’s waist.

His eyes were locked on hers as he pushed her hair back, cupping it behind her ear. “Alison, you know I’ll never love anyone like I love you.”

“I know.” Alison stood up on her tiptoes, kissing him softly. “And, I love you, too.”

Violet let the curtain fall, obstructing her view. It was over. It was really, really over. She’d finally seen in Phillip what I’d seen all along.

She glanced back at Luke. I think he could see it written on her face the same way I could feel it in her breaking heart.

“I need some air.” She said.

“We’ll go out through the alley so you don’t have to deal with everyone out front. Come on.”

Luke took her hand again, leading her through the stock room.

“Where are you going?” Jill called after him when they hurried past the bar.

“Not now!” He yelled back. He’d probably come to regret that.

Violet burst through the back door and into the dark, rainy alley before Luke could stop long enough to grab them an umbrella. She was happy to be caught in the rain. She could lie and say the tears she was crying were just raindrops. That would probably be a better excuse than leaky ceilings, but, then again, she was in control of our creative impulse.

She was soaked within five seconds of going outside. Luke took his coat off and wrapped it around her, trying to keep her warm.

“I’m sorry.” He pulled her against him as she wept. She held onto it as long as she could, but, when he hugged her, she could hold it no longer. As she cried, he reached behind her, stroking her hair with those big, gentle hands of his.

A roar of thunder rolled through the sky and she jumped. Maybe she did remember how afraid of the thunder we were.

“Let me take you home,” Luke said.

Violet shook her head. “I’m not going back to that place. I’ll be too tempted to burn the building down.”

Luke pulled away just far enough until he could look down into her devastated eyes. He cradled her face in his hands, wiping her tears away with his thumbs. “No, Violet. Let me take you home…with me. You need someone to take care of you.”

“What about the opening?” She whispered. “You’re needed here.”

“I’m well-staffed. I’m also soaking wet now because of you.” He saw her give him a begrudging smile. “There we go. I’ll take you back to my place, fix you something to eat and you can dry off. Don’t worry about my brother. He’s a moron.”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “If you’re sure it’s OK for you to leave.”

“It’s a perk of being the owner.” Luke reached down in the pocket of the coat he’d wrapped around her and extracted his keys. “I’m parked around back.”

**************************

They rode to his apartment building in the upper west of Vienna Heights in silence. Nothing was said, nothing was done, she just leaned her head on the window, reliving what she’d heard Phillip tell Alison over and over as he drove.

When they arrived, he went to his room long enough to retrieve something for her to change into. “Here,” he said when he came back, “it’s a t-shirt. You can shower if you want to, I’ll make some sandwiches.”

Violet let her fingers linger on his hand for just a moment as she took the shirt from him, then went down the corridor, turning just before his bedroom into the bathroom. When she was inside, she stepped out of her shoes, reaching behind her, unzipping the dress and letting it fall to a puddle around her feet on the floor. She took the towel off the rack and started to dry herself, her hair, her skin. She unfolded the shirt and pulled it over her head. It was so big on her and it smelled like Luke. Luke smelled like cigarettes. Then, she stood in front of his mirror, looking at herself.

She didn’t look the same. She didn’t feel the same, either. I’d intended our talk in the park to help her, but, now, she was too numb to remember much of what I’d said.

When she went back out, Luke was at the stereo. He put on a Bill Withers CD.

She curled up on the couch, her back resting against the arm. He knew what her favorite CD was? He knew how she took her coffee. Why hadn’t she seen it before? “You sent those flowers, didn’t you? The pink roses I thought were from Phillip.”

Luke put a plate and a glass of wine down in front of her. Only Luke would serve a white wine with peanut butter and jelly. “You like roses and you like gross colors like pink. I thought they might cheer you up. Eat. I’m going to go put something warm on before I catch pneumonia.”

When he was off, in his bedroom, Violet glanced once more at her reflection in the mirror. She didn’t look the same because she wasn’t the same. She’d been freed of something that was holding her back, something that used to dictate who she was.

I didn’t know what was going to happen next. Usually, she thinks things through, but, this time, she didn’t. She stood up, ambling across the soft carpet in her bare feet, down the corridor to Luke’s bedroom. He’d left the door standing slightly ajar. She pushed it open with ease.

No mirrors on the ceiling. She’d been wrong about him. She’d been so wrong about so many things lately. When she’d figured he’d have black, satin sheets, though, she’d nailed that one.

He had his back to her, standing at the dresser. His shirt he wore was crumpled on the ground just as her dress still was on his bathroom floor. She’d never noticed before but there was a tattoo on his shoulder blade of a serpent. As he moved his arms, it looked as if the snake was moving. She couldn’t remember it anymore, but I thought back to Thomas, the way he’d tried to slither away from me that night in the stairwell.

Her heart was racing. We felt strange, both for different reasons, Violet because she was no longer the victim of her own inhibitions and me because she was no longer shackled by the conservative nature that used to hold her in place. I felt strangely sick, but she did not. She’d never felt more alive before than she did now, crossing his bedroom floor.

She reached her hand out, her fingers lightly brushing the tattoo on his shoulder. He jerked, whirling around, as if he hadn’t heard her approaching.

“Violet?” He asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She whispered. She was staring at his face as she raised her hand, now running her fingers over the stubble that covered his scruffy jaw.

Luke leaned into her touch, his cheek enveloped by the palm of her tiny, porcelain hand. His skin felt so warm, so foreign beneath hers but so familiar at the same time. To me, it felt like she was jamming my hands on the quills of a porcupine. I wanted her to leave. This didn’t feel right. But, if she wasn’t listening to herself, she wouldn’t listen to me.

“You’re upset.” He said. “You’re not thinking clearly.”

I wanted her to listen to him. There was something off here. I wanted her to go back to the way she was. This was only going to get her hurt and she wouldn’t let me out. She wouldn’t let me stop her from getting hurt again.

Outside a crack of thunder blasted in the sky, sounding like an atomic bomb powerful enough to wipe out the city. A crack of lightning lit up the sky, lit up the room, before returning them to the darkness. In that flash of lightning, I think Luke saw on her face what I was feeling in her heart. She needed to feel like someone wanted her and she knew he did.

This moment, it was unlike anything she had ever written before. It was like anything she had ever experienced before. She had never wanted anything as badly as she wanted Luke in that moment, no matter how unhealthy it was or how terrible she would feel tomorrow. I felt this sense of foreboding. Unlike before, I could see this particular train coming for her, but I didn’t want them to collide. I wanted to swoop in and pull her to safety, to let the train fly by her and have her be grateful I saved her of the mess it could have left.

But, I was as powerless to stop her as she was to stop herself.

Luke dipped his face down, hesitating at first, before he put his mouth on hers. I think he was waiting for her to stop him, to shove him away. But, she left her hands on his face, kissing him softly, slowly, and breathing in the scent of his breath. Like the shirt he’d given her, it smelled like cigarettes and gin.

He put his hands on her shoulders. When he spoke, he did it with his mouth inches away from hers, as if were she to just give him even a breath of concession, he’d waste no time in devouring her right there where they stood. “Are you sure?”

But, she didn’t say anything at all. She only pulled his face back into hers, kissing him harder this time, as if she could never be close enough to him. Her lips parted and he backed her up, towards the bed, his hands exploring the length of her in the darkness until he found the edge of his old t-shirt she was wearing and pushed it up her thighs, up her abdomen, over her heaving, supple breasts. She pried herself away from him only long enough to hold her arms up so he could liberate her of the old shirt completely, and as soon as it was as discarded as the her relationship with Phillip and even what they knew of their own relationship, he laid her back, on the cold satin of the sheets.

As he stood in front of her, removing the little he still wore, I couldn’t help but think about it. I couldn’t help but think about lying there, in room 826 of Thomas’ apartments. I couldn’t help but think about Cal Calpresi standing there, just as Luke was standing there and being as powerless to stop him from hurting Violet then as I was to stop this now. I couldn’t breathe. Luke had taken Violet’s breath away and the memories had taken mine.

He laid down on top of her, burying his face in the curve of her neck, gently kissing her and suckling the tender flesh beneath her ear as she reached her arms around him, her fingernails burrowing into that serpent tattoo.

And, when he reached his hands down, when I felt him parting her knees, when I heard her moaning in his ear to make love to her, that’s when the darkness came. That’s when I could take no more. That’s when the only thing I could think of Calpresi telling Violet what a beautiful little girl she was before…before…

That’s when I understood where Violet went when she remembered killing Thomas, because that moment sent me to the same place, a place where nothing existed but the torment of reliving what happened in that room.

The law of the universe was indeed correct. Her ecstasy induced my own personal hell.