VH1.07 - The Morning After

When Violet woke, Luke was still by her side. She was lying stretched out on her stomach, face slanted towards the window. The rain had stopped. Vienna Heights was still damp and dreary as it always was fresh after a good rain, but the sun was starting to shine just a little. For the first while in a long time, she’d just slept. She wasn’t violently tossing and turning, there were no other people hijacking her body and running about town leaving her feeling exhausted and sick the next day. There was just sleep and waking up to what could be a beautiful day next to a beautiful man who looked as satisfied as he did scared to death.

“Hey.” Luke said to her, stroking the ridges along her spine as she stayed flat and still for a moment. She thought, maybe, if she moved, everything might fade away and last night would have all been a dream. His eyes stayed fixed on her, as if he were waiting for even the smallest sign she was going to bail on him.

“What time is it?” She groaned groggily.

“Three.”

Violet furrowed her brow. “It’s too light out to be three in the morning.”

“That’s because it’s three in the afternoon.”

She sat up, pulling the covers over her exposed body. I’m not sure why she did that. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen her naked and in several questionable positions throughout the night. I wondered what it was like for her out there. Did she feel like I did when she went into the darkness? Could she feel only what she was in possession of, only the love and freedom and the happiness and none of the anger or the coldness I held onto? Or was that only true for me, since I was the manufactured half of her? Where I was, I could hear them. I retreated so I wouldn’t have to see it, but every time she screamed, every time her body quaked and contorted against his manipulations, I relived that night she made me. Where I was, every time Luke touched Violet, I was remembering when Calpresi broke her.

I was thankful when sleep came, too.

But, now it was morning. Well, afternoon, but, morning for us since we’d slept so long and so peacefully. I almost felt comfortable peeking out, seeing what the world looked like in the aftermath. I was happy things with Phillip were over. I didn’t like her with him very much because of the way he treated her, but I didn’t recognize the person she became when she lost him and I wasn’t sure I’d recognize the woman who was left over from the night with Luke.

“Why did you let me sleep so long?” She smiled at him. Her hair fell down in her face and she pushed it back, nearly losing the black, satin sheet that barely concealed her.

“Because I thought you could use the rest. Besides, if you were sleeping, you weren’t awake and you weren’t leaving.”

Violet reached out and touched his face. He’d shaved. “What’d you go and do that for?”

“You miss it?”

“Well, I kind of liked how it felt when you did that thing you did in the shower.”

Luke leaned in and kissed her quickly. “I would offer a repeat performance, but, I am only one man, not a machine.”

Violet cocked her head over to the side, teasing him. “Your reputation is so going to be ruined after this. How will the women of the world react when they find out that the Luke Mercer can only manage to go seven times before reaching his limit?”

“Now, now.” His mouth toyed with her chin and her nose and every other inch of her face between words. “Let me get some coffee and food in me and I’ll be good for another seven.”

She nodded. “Coffee sounds good. You know what sounds even better?”

“I’m not a machine, I told you!” He was so handsome when he smiled. I could understand what she saw in him last night, even if I didn’t understand why we were reacting to situations quite the way we did.

“I was going to say waffles. Oh, and eggs, scrambled. And, maybe some sausage and toast with strawberry jam?” She expected this of the man who offered her PB&J and wine as a meal? At least her appetite was back and she didn’t feel as if she’d just puke it up in half an hour.

“Your wish is my command.” He started to remove himself from beneath the covers. He was sitting on the side of the bed when the phone rung. Violet tensed. That ringing was the first indication the outside world still existed or was still aware of them. Her bubble world had been penetrated and thoroughly dissolved when he saw the caller ID display. “It’s the VHPD.”

The Vienna Heights Police Department. If they had a motto, it’d be something like, “Making the Keystone Cops look competent since Vienna Heights was founded.” I kept out of their hair when I had to take care of business. Of course, it’s easy when you consider they’re dumb and I’m quick on my feet. I mean, they couldn’t even figure out Thomas Donovan was killed before his apartments were set on fire.

Luke listened to the person on the other end of the line, his posture indicating he was caught slightly off guard by the phone call.

“Wait … what?” He asked the caller. “I’m not sure how I can help you. I left early last night.” Then, he sighed. “Fine. If it’s that important, I guess I can come down to the station. I’ll be there in, like, half an hour.”

He hung up the phone.

“What was that about?” Yuck. Violet was practically chirping.

Luke scratched his head. “I’m not quite sure. Something happened to one of the employees at NV last night, they were assaulted and I’m supposed to go down and give some statement.” He didn’t want to go. I recognized that look. He wanted to stay right there, in bed with her, until he was old and crusty and impotent. Then, I suspected, he’d probably axe murder us, just so we don’t go find someone else. Jesus. He was in love with Violet.

“Go on.” Violet stroked his arm, the muscle rippling the second her fingertips contacted his flesh. “I should probably go back to Phillip’s anyway.”

“Why?”

“I have to get this over sooner or later, don’t I? Maybe it’s best to just rip the band-aid off quickly and not spend my days sitting around, waiting for him to officially dump me. I’m going to go give him the ring back and see if my mother has room in that big old house for her daughter. That is, if she’s not trotting various men in and out.”

Luke put his hand on the swell of her thigh, gently stroking it through the satin sheet that covered her. “You don’t have to stay with your mother, you know. I hear some sailors are docking close by. She’s probably housing all of them and keeping them on a strict Screw Daisy Schedule.”

Violet shoved him playfully. “Hey! That’s my mother you’re talking about.”

“I’m sorry.” He kissed her, again. He really didn’t want to leave. Me, I couldn’t get rid of him quick enough. I’d let Violet back out in hopes she’d be smarter. What’s dumber than bedding your ex-fiancé’s brother before you’ve even taken the ring off?

“I should take the ring off,” she said.

Now she thinks of it…

“I meant what I said,” Luke pushed her hair away from her face when it once again fell into it. “You don’t have to stay with your mother. This place is big enough for two.”

Violet’s shoulders dropped. She was wondering when they’d have to have this conversation. A night like last night couldn’t be without its strings. There’d be some complication once the hormones and the nerves wore off.

“Luke, I need time. Last night was probably the most fantastic night of my life. I don’t want to jump into anything, and, staying here would be a huge leap.” She noticed the disappointment on his face and tried to reconcile it. “I don’t want to rush us into something that could cause us to implode before takeoff.”

“So, there’s an us?”

Violet smiled. “I think there’s potential for something to happen between us. I don’t know if it’s going to just be amazing sex or if it could blossom into something else, but, my relationship with Phillip isn’t even cold yet and, I just don’t want to make the same mistakes over again.”

“I understand what you’re saying. I just want you to know that, if you change your mind--”

“Your door is always open for me.”

He nodded. One more quick kiss and he jumped up, grabbing a pair of slacks and a sweater from the closet. “Would you at least have dinner with me tonight?”

She stood, wrapping the sheet around her as she, too, went in search of her dress from the night before. “Only if we can have waffles for dinner. You owe me waffles, mister!”

********************************

The elevator ride to the top of the building Phillip’s penthouse was in never seemed so long before. Violet imagined she’d find guards posted out front, armed guards with eight-by-ten glossies of her and instructions to drag her out of the building if she so much as looked cross-eyed at them, on Alison’s order. There’d probably also be painters there, redoing the walls in some ugly shade Alison liked. And, those white carpets would absolutely have to go. Alison would want bright yellow, like her hair.

Strangely, when those elevator doors dinged open, there was none of that. She ambled down the short hallway to the door, knocking twice before she heard even the faintest sound of life on the other side.

They were probably in bed.

“Violet?” Phillip asked a minute later when he pulled open the door. “Thank God. I’ve been worried sick about you. Why are you knocking?”

She shrugged. “I figured you would have changed the locks by now.”

Phillip grabbed her arm, forcefully yanking her inside. “Stop being so silly. You know I’d never change the locks on you. Why didn’t you come home? I must’ve left you three hundred messages.”

Where was her phone? She probably left it at New Vienna’s or Luke’s. She wasn’t very sure where she was, let alone where her stuff was.

“I didn’t come home because I figured Alison would be here redecorating.” She stayed standing, arms folded tightly against her, even when Phillip asked her to sit down.

“That’s why I left you all of those messages. You were at New Vienna last night. Jill said she saw you leaving. I assumed if you were leaving so abruptly, you must’ve seen me in the private lounge with Alison--”

Violet rolled her eyes. “That’s putting it mildly.”

Phillip approached her, reaching out, putting his hands on her arms. She pulled away from him. How was it possible he didn’t see it? If Jill told Phillip she’d left early, surely, she’d told him who Violet left with. Couldn’t he recognize that look in her eyes? On her face? Couldn’t he smell Luke’s musky, cigarettes-and-booze smell all over her? Then again, Phillip was as dumb as his hair was bright and wavy, and his hair was very bright and very wavy.

“Darling,” he continued, still trying to touch her even though she’d refused all his attempts thus far, “I’m not sure exactly what it was you saw, but--”

“I saw you kissing her!” She shrieked. “I heard you telling her you’d always love her.”

Phillip hung his head. “That’s true. I did say that and she did kiss me, but, you’re misunderstanding everything. I told her I’d always love her because she was my first real love. But, she isn’t who I want to be with. I told her that. And, I also turned the Hanover acquisition over to a colleague, a friend of my father’s.”

Violet’s heart sank down into the pit of her stomach.

He hadn’t been picking Alison over her? He wasn’t telling Alison he’d always love her in the sense that there’d never be another woman who could make him half as happy as she does? He hadn’t been ending his engagement to Violet?

She’d just cheated on him? With his brother?

“Are you alright?” He asked her when she said nothing. “You’re looking a little green.”

That’s because she was about to throw up. The silver lining was that she’d had nothing to eat, so there was very little she could puke up. Not that her body wasn’t heaving, trying to find something, anything to expel. She raced for the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

As she fell down on the floor, hugging the toilet for dear life, I thought that was what made the least sense about us being as we were. Right now, she felt cold, clammy, and was retching. I knew she felt like this, but, I couldn’t feel it. For me, I just felt like I was sitting on the floor, calm and healthy.

Maybe that’s because she wasn’t really sick. Maybe it was because her body just did this, as a way of managing stress. Maybe she’d just gotten it used to throwing up when she couldn’t deal with the pressures of the world. After all, she’d convinced her mind to fracture into an entirely different person based on one of her imaginary friends. Who was to say she couldn’t convince her body to naturally want to be sick, after the way she used to treat it when she couldn’t handle the pressure of adolescence under Daisy‘s thumb? Her stress management was, after all, what landed her in the Ram Wesley Center.

Phillip knocked on the door. “Violet, darling. Are you alright?”

She wiped her mouth, hoarsely calling back, “I’m fine. I just need a few minutes.”

But, she wasn’t fine. She was scared. She’d just screwed up, and, like usual, her mind couldn’t deal with the ramifications of what she’d done, which meant that already thin veil separating us was getting a little thinner.

“You just couldn’t leave things alone, could you?” I asked her.

Violet jumped, scurrying back across the bathroom floor when she saw someone who looked just like her, dressed just like her, sitting just like her, appear on the other side of the bathroom floor. Sure, I was little more than a hallucination, a projection, but that didn’t mean it didn’t scare the hell out of her. When the veil between us was thin enough, that’s when she could see me and I could see her, like we were two distinctly different forms taking up two distinctly different areas of space. Even if we truly were just one person taking up one area.

“Where did you come from?” She whispered.

“The ugly, boggy recesses of your mind.” I told her. “Don’t worry. You’re not going to remember a thing in the world about this.” Violet was looking at me like I had two heads or something. Guess I kind of, technically, did. “You had sex with his brother?”

Her eyes flew open. “H--how did you know that?”

“You’re new to this whole having a split personality thing, so, I’m going to be nice and give you a quick refresher course. You’re a wimp who can’t deal with her own life, so, you made me, someone who’s strong enough to deal with it. I had a momentary lapse in judgment and tried to talk some sense into you in hopes you’d be strong enough to start handling your own business, and, I thought I’d gotten through to you until you decided to screw things up even more by bedding the older, handsomer Mercer while still being engaged to the younger and grosser Mercer.”

“I wasn’t thinking,” she said.

“I know. I was there. And, like always, you want me to clean up the mess you’ve made. So, that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to handle Phillip for you, I’m going to handle Luke for you, and I’m going to handle Alison for you.”

She shook her head. “He doesn’t love Alison.”

Good lord was she dense. Sometimes, I wondered if maybe I was the host and I created her to be in possession of all my stupidity. She did do such a very, very good job of being dumb. “Not that. Apparently, she knows what made you this way. So, why don’t you take a little nap and I’ll go fix everything. Hmm?”

“How? How are you going to fix things?”

I crawled over to her. “I’m going to do what’s best for you. You might not like it, but, it’s going to need to be done if you and I are going to keep coexisting. At least, until I can figure out how to get rid of you without feeling like someone cut me in half.”

It happened more quickly this time, maybe because she was feeling worse than she usually did, which usually made me feel stronger than I usually did. But, I was in control once again within a few seconds. I was sitting where she’d sat, looking out at the empty bathroom just as she had before. Except, I wasn’t sick. And, I wasn’t going to let this opportunity to finally get things right slip by.

Phillip was bad for her. Luke was worse. He couldn’t be trusted, especially if he was involved with Cal Calpresi. I wasn’t going to give that man the chance to hurt us again. If that meant picking someone simply bad for her over someone with the potential to devastate her, even if only by association, well, that was the poison I’d pick.

A minute later, I opened the bathroom door. It opened out to the bedroom, where I saw Phillip sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked up at me and smiled.

“Are you feeling better?”

“I’m feeling the best I’ve felt in years.” I told him. “I’m so sorry I overreacted earlier. I just tend to jump to conclusions. You know how I am. Flighty, flighty Violet.”

He squinted his eyes as he stood, walking over to me. When he wrapped his arms around me, I thought my skin would peel away from my bones and run for the hills. When he kissed me, I thought my lips would disintegrate and fall into an ashy pile at my feet. Still, I had to let him do it. He thought he was kissing Violet. I wondered if he knew where that mouth had been.

“I have to go.” I said.

“Go? You just got home.”

“I know. I have to -- um -- my mother! I promised my mother I would come back and help her with something.” A lie? Sure. But, he was an idiot, so, he’d buy it. “Wedding plans. You know my mother, always having to have the last word on everything.”

“Alright. I should probably go check in at the office. I haven’t been there all day. I’m really happy you and I settled things.”

“Me, too.” I grinned. “Me, too.”

He started to leave the bedroom, where I’d planned on changing clothes, but, then, he stopped. He looked at a stack of letters on the dresser by the door. “I almost forgot,” he said. “You had mail today.”

There was just the one letter, in a plain, white envelope with the prison as the return address.

“It’s probably about his release,” Phillip said. “Sometimes, they’ll send notices to the victims and their families.”

I stuck my finger in the open corner, tearing it open. I was expecting a form letter, something like, “Dear ____________, We regret to inform you that the sociopath who burned down your father’s building is now free. Please, remember to lock your doors. Sincerely, the Justice System.”

What I found was worse.

It was a sheet of plain, white paper, just like the envelope. Except, the only thing written on it was a line of big, block-style letters.

“IKSYDK.”

“What?” Phillip asked. I hadn’t realized I’d read it aloud. When you’re stuck internalizing everything, sometimes, these things slip out.

“Nothing. You were right. Just a notice.” I folded it up, not letting him see.

“Alright. I’ll see you this evening, then.”

When he was gone, I raided Violet’s closet, finding a pair of jeans and this green, empire-waist, off-the-shoulder top she never wore. Sure, she’d bought it. She’d liked it because she thought it made her look like a fairy princess or something, and then shoved it in the back of her closet because it was so last season. I think I felt like if I wore something she didn’t wear a lot, it’d be almost like wearing something that was only mine.

**********************

I didn’t know where to go first, to deal with Alison or to deal with the person who’d undoubtedly sent that letter. I figured I’d still have a few more days on dealing with the arsonist, so, I’d deal with the slut, first. On the way, I dropped by New Vienna, looking for Violet’s handbag and phone. She’d left them behind.

Then, I traveled the three blocks to the Fowler Suites. The lift had been fixed, so, I didn’t have to bother with those stairs. It let me out just next to 826.

I raised my hand, starting to knock. I’d done so well to not be overwhelmed with memories, but, I couldn’t help but have a flashback as I stood there. For the briefest moment in time, I was that little girl again, standing next to Thomas as he was knocking on the door. Three knocks. Then two. Then three more. On the last one, Calpresi would answer.

At least on the days it was Calpresi he was meeting there.

Now, it was just me, knocking and waiting for Alison to answer.

“Iris.” She said when she finally opened the door. “I would say I’m surprised to see you here, but, then again, I’m not.”

She moved out of the way, asking me to step inside. I didn’t want to, but, I didn’t want her to see how uncomfortable I was, being in that room, either. We do foolish things for pride.

The bed was still where it was all those years ago, facing the window with the view of Mercer Manor. Everything was either black or gray or white, except for the trim on the walls. The trim was gold. I used to stare at it when I was little, when it was happening. The gold was the only bright, cheerful thing in the room. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t stand how Violet gravitated towards bright, cheerful things and I could only appreciate the grays and the blacks. She’d even taken color away from me.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I tried to sound like Violet.

“Come on. I know which one you are. Violet wouldn’t have the guts to come back to this room. I am curious, though, as to how you got out. I figured she would be over the moon now that Phillip has gone back to her.”

I noticed a selection of pill bottles on Alison’s vanity. One of the bottles was open. When she saw me looking at them, she quickly maneuvered to hide them. I’d let that go. I didn’t want to be up there any longer than I had to be.

“So,” she went on. “I thought it was cute how you had Benny following me. He’s a good guy and very easy to work with. I promised him double what you were paying him and he promised to keep his mouth shut about where I was.”

“I know where you were.” I said. “You were in Closet Falls at some place called the Remington Facility. A quick Google search would tell me everything I need to know about it. See, you’re right. Benny is good at what he does. He’s also quite good at lying to dumb blondes and swindling them out of their money. I’m sure if you’re quick, you might be able to stop payment on the check.”

Alison’s eyes narrowed.

“Oh gees. You were stupid enough to pay him in cash, weren’t you?” She said nothing. “Well, Al, we’ve established what a moron you are, shall we move on to the next order of business, like why you think you know anything about what’s going on with Violet.”

This time, Alison’s smugness returned. “I have connections. I know all about what happened to her, why she made you. I even know that they tried to get rid of you once and failed. Miserably.” She walked across the room, to where there was a desk in the corner. She removed from it a folder, in which were large pieces of paper, photocopies of something I couldn’t quite recognize.

“Dear Diary,” she read aloud. “I think Iris is mad at me. She saw me crying at Daddy’s funeral and told me he didn’t deserve the tears. Then, she went away. I don’t want her to be mad at me. Doesn’t Iris understand that I need her? She’s my best friend. I hope she comes back.”

She pulled another piece of paper from the folder.

“Dear Diary,” Alison cleared her throat. “Mommy made me talk to Daddy’s friend, Jeremy, today. I don’t like him. He told me Iris isn’t real, that I made her up. But, how could I make up someone who takes care of me the way she does? When Iris is here, the bad feelings all go away, they’re like nightmares I can’t remember after I wake up. She promised she’d never leave me. I hope they don’t make her go away.”

I was still taking care of her. Even if she couldn’t understand why I was doing what I was doing. She needed me to make things as good for her as they could be and having her mixed up with the Mercer men wasn’t optimal.

She started to read from another, but, I stopped her. “Jeremy Glass.”

Alison put the pages down. “Not quite sure how that diary wound up where it did, but, I was smart enough to make photocopies of the photocopies in Jeremy’s files. If you’d like to destroy these, you’re welcome to. I have other copies.”

She held the folder out to me. When I took it, I asked, “How do you know Jeremy Glass?”

“Like I said, I have connections. But, I’m not completely unfair. I’m willing to make you a deal.” Alison sat down on the foot of her bed, crossing her legs. She’d been in the tanning bed again. They were as brown and shiny as ever, peeking out from beneath her skirt. “I want Phillip. He wants your better half. You want to keep your identity as in the dark as possible.”

Normally, I’d accept what I thought she was offering. But, that was before Violet had the brilliant idea of bedding Luke. Now, if she lost Phillip, she’d just turn to Luke, and Luke had a history of screwing people over. His brother and his father could both attest to that.

“That’s not how this works,” I said, laying the folder down on the vanity where the pills had been. “See, I don’t do deals all that often, especially with spiteful sluts who are just trying to hurt Violet.”

She laughed at me. “You people are designed to protect the host, right? Shouldn’t you be protecting her from the world finding out that Violet Donovan, acclaimed authoress, is really just a batty lunatic?”

I nodded. “You’re right. We are designed to defend. If you know about me, you know about what I did to the last person who threatened her.”

Alison took a deep breath. “If you’re referring to when you pushed Thomas down a flight of stairs, that was pretty anticlimactic. You should have done it months before, and didn’t even do it until, when? When he was threatening to leave Daisy? Why was he leaving her, exactly?”

Good. She didn’t know everything.

“I think you should be asking yourself a question, Alison. If I was willing to kill Thomas for whatever reason, and he was Violet’s father, what do you think I’d be willing to do to someone who’s about as significant to her as a pimple?”

I recognized that flash in her eyes. She hadn’t thought I’d kill her. Must’ve been all the peroxide seeping into her brain. I looked around her room. There was a statuette from some pageant she’d been in on a shelf. She saw me looking at it.

“Sharp edges,” I said. “Hard base. It’d do.”

She flinched, but tried to keep me from seeing her sweat. “You wouldn’t kill me.”

“Are you sure?” I asked. “I mean, are you really, really sure? I am, after all, the half of Violet who’s not afraid to squash spiders.”

I picked the statuette up, weighing it in my hands. It was pretty light, but, it’d get the job done. Alison stood when I approached her, backing towards the window, her steps falling in line with each step towards her I took.

“Oh. Would you rather go out the window? That’s fine, I’m flexible.”

Her back was against the glass. She held out her hands. “Iris--”

I flung the statuette down on the bed, rolling my eyes at her. “Please. Do you honestly think I’d waste my time killing you? You’re a gnat. You’re a nuisance. But, just know, if you ever try to throw your weight around with me or if you ever threaten Violet, I won’t hesitate to have you taken care of. And, I won’t have to kill you to do that.”

Then, I left. I took the folder and I left her shaking in her adorable heeled shoes.

That’d do, for now.

*****************

“Did you hit her?”

Jude handed me an ice cream cone packed with three big scoops of strawberry ice cream.

“No. I didn’t hit her.” I nibbled on it as he sat down next to me on the park bench. “I may have implied I was comfortable with the idea of caving her head in with a pageant statue, but, I didn’t hit her. As bad as I may have wanted to.”

“Well, then, I’m proud of you. And, I’m glad you came back to see me. According to my superior, you were rather cranky when you stopped by yesterday.”

I barely remembered that, with all that had happened. His superior was who I ran into this time that I left Alison. He told me Jude was in the park, coaching the daycare kiddies at their afternoon soccer practice, even if the ground was all slosh and mud. He’d left them with the daycare workers to come talk to me.

“Yeah. I was cranky. Violet had this flashback to the night I, you know, killed her father and she retreated so far into our mind that I couldn’t access her and, okay, it kind of scared me. So, like an idiot, I went to her mother, who bombarded me with a shrink. Then, I went to the church, hoping I could vent to you and they said you were gone on personal business or something.” I licked the ice cream cone. “Still mad at you, by the way.”

“But, I bought you ice cream! You can’t be mad at a man if he buys you ice cream.”

“You didn’t buy it! I overheard the vendor. He gave it to you free ’cause you’re a priest. He was probably afraid you’d tell God to banish him to hell if he charged you.”

Jude laughed, enjoying his own chocolate cone. He was dressed as he was every time I saw him. Black shirt. Black pants. Black shoes. White collar. His hair was nice and shiny, though, in the early evening sunshine.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” he said. “I had to attend a funeral in Closet Falls.”

“Closet Falls?”

He nodded. “A friend of mine from college passed away.”

“I’m sorry.” I really was sorry and that was a very unusual sensation. I didn’t usually feel bad for people. Then again, I didn’t usually like people, either, but, I liked Jude. Even if he did abandon me.

“Don’t be. He’s in a better place now.”

There was that faith of his again.

“So, there’s this place in Closet Falls,” I began. “It’s called the Remington Facility or something. Are you familiar with it?”

He shifted, turning to face me. Chocolate ice cream dribbled down onto his pants. He wiped at it with a napkin the vendor had given him. “It’s, well, um…a hospital, of sorts, for people who suffer from mental disorders.”

“Oh.”

“My friend was there, as a patient, before he died. I‘d tried to help him, but, by the time I became aware of his illness, he was too far gone.”

I knew that look, that distant look. That’s why he was being so kind to me. He couldn’t help his friend, so, he was trying to help me. Redemption by proxy or some such theory. At least now I knew that his understanding nature, his not trying to ship me off some place, was rooted in a motive other than being a good priest.

“So, is that what I am?” I asked. “Can’t save one, try to save the other?”

He thought I was offended. Oddly, I was not. Was it possible that, just as Jude was understanding of my situation, I was understanding of his? Like liking him, it was an unusual feeling.

“No. No, I’m not trying to--”

“It’s OK.” I smiled and put my hand on his. I’m not sure why I did that. It just felt right to touch his hand. He didn’t pull away from me, but, still, I retracted it a few seconds later. “I get it.”

“How did you handle Violet?” He changed the subject.

“I took her here, to the park, lured her out with memories of Phillip and gave her a pep talk about not letting him run all over her. Do you know what she did?” Jude shook his head. “Went home, told him off, overheard him telling his girlfriend he was in love with her, then, she had sex with his brother.”

“Had sex with his brother?”

“You people can use that word?”

He wadded his napkin up and threw it at me. “If you make one more ‘you people’ statement, I swear, I’ll--”

“You’ll what?” I playfully threw the napkin back at him. It hit his ice cream, sticking to it. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’ll…do nothing because as annoying as it is that you think I live in a bubble, I enjoy talking to you, so, I’m willing to overlook it for the most interesting person I’ve had the pleasure of meeting in a long time.”

“Half a person.” I took another bite of my strawberry ice cream. “The other half of me is as boring as they come. And, dumb. And, her taste in clothing sucks almost as much as her taste in men. Now, instead of breaking up her relationship with Phillip, I’m having to make sure she stays with him in order to keep her from going to the brother.”

“Why?” Jude asked.

I sighed. “It’s complicated. I saw this person at the St. Bartholomew’s fundraiser and, I think he’s involved with the brother’s business and, well, he’s part of the reason Violet’s like this and, if he’s involved with the brother, then, it’s not a good idea for her to be involved with him.”

Jude was silent for a moment, as if he was working up the nerve to ask something. Then, he did, and I noticed he slid away from me a little, as if he thought I’d snap at him for asking. “What did he do? This person you’re referring to.”

I didn’t hit him. I didn’t snap. I, also, didn’t answer.

“I’ve done some research in my free time about people with your -- in your situation -- and, from everything I’ve read the theory is that the split occurs because of some sort of trauma during the formative years.” He went on, stepping lightly around his terminology. “Many times it’s sexual abuse.”

I blinked, staring straight ahead. “I don’t want to talk about what happened.”

He lowered his voice. “I understand. You don’t trust me and the secrets you carry are too heavy for you to unload on someone you don’t trust.”

“No,” I whispered. “I just don’t have the courage to verbalize it. Sometimes I think if I never say it out loud, maybe that means in some parallel world it didn’t happen. But, if I say it, then, it’s out there, it’s in the universe and it could somehow penetrate the atmosphere of that parallel world and hurt the Violet who’s happy and healthy and whole. How insane is that?”

“Not insane.” His cone crunched as he bit into it. “I know as much as you claim to want Violet gone, your default response is protecting her, even when you have to do bad things to get to that point.”

I couldn’t tell him what happened all those years ago. He was right and wrong all at the same time, but, I couldn’t let him know. Maybe I could tell him what happened last night, though. “When Violet was with Luke, something happened to me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I told you that, when Violet had the memory of me killing Thomas, she retreated, she went somewhere I almost couldn’t reach her. Well, last night, when she was with Luke, I went somewhere else, too. I was too afraid to watch her and to feel what she was feeling when they were together, that I retreated into the darkness, into that place beyond where one of us goes when the other is awake. And, where I went, I was aware of where she was and what she was doing, but, I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t see anything but…I was reliving the night I was born. I don’t know why I reacted that way. I’ve never done it before.”

“You have a problem with Violet experiencing physical intimacy?”

“Not usually. I mean, I didn’t have a problem when she was sleeping with Phillip. Then again, Phillip sex is usually very quick and kind of funny. And, she’s been with a couple of other guys, one when she was seventeen and one in college and, neither of them did this to me, either.”

Again, he positioned himself to ask a question he was uncomfortable asking. “What about when you…I mean, I assume you have…you know, while you’re out.”

Funny. It didn’t taste like there was crack in my ice cream. I looked at him like he was on drugs. “I don’t have sex. Not even when I’m in control of the body. That’s part of the tradeoff. I protect Violet. I carry the traumas she can’t. She experiences the things I can’t, as if she’s living a life free of all the bad. I mean, I’ve tried to before but, it’s just too much. I can’t.” I shuddered. Just the thought of anyone else putting their hands on me made my stomach turn.

In Violet’s handbag, her cell phone rung. I fished it out. Phillip’s name was on the ID. Speaking of things that turned the stomach…“I have to take this,” I said. I flipped the lid and put the phone to my ear. “Hey, Phillip.”

“Violet, darling, I’m so sorry. I’m not going to be able to make dinner tonight. My brother’s been arrested.”

“What for?”

Phillip was distracted on the other end of the line. I could hear noise in the background. He was at the VHPD.

“Phillip?”

“Jill accused him of raping her. She said he came back to New Vienna last night after the closing, when she was there alone, and that he attacked her.”

That was impossible. He was with Violet.

He was with Violet?

“Damn.”

“What is it?” Jude asked.

“Who’s there, Violet? Where are you?” Phillip asked.

“It’s just a friend.” I told him. “Look, I’m coming to the station. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

I didn’t give Phillip the chance to ask why or to protest. If I was going to kill Luke and Violet and their night of squishy passion, I’d have to do it now. Strike while the iron was hot, so to say. I turned back to Jude. “I have to go. Family crisis.”

“I should be getting back to the kids, anyway. Will I see you again?” He asked.

“Probably. Thanks for the ice cream.”

“You’re welcome.” He smiled at me as he walked away, back towards the open field where the kids were kicking a ball around. He was one of the good ones. Why couldn’t Violet want someone like him? Someone who understood us. I know Luke wouldn’t, and neither would Phillip. They were both too mesmerized by her to accept me.

That was another reason she could never be with either of them. I had to get her out of Luke’s orbit, then, I could get her out of Phillip’s and we could focus on finding someone who’d accept her for everything she was. Me.

*************************************

The VHPD was located on Seventh Street. 77 7th Street, to be precise. When I got there, a squad car was running away from it, sirens screaming. In all likelihood, one of the cops missed last call for doughnuts and was making an emergency run.

Lucas Mercer Senior was doing his best Matlock impersonation inside, yelling at whoever would listen that he demanded his son be released. He was going on and on, like Luke was some innocent lamb who was being unfairly slaughtered. Sure, Jill was a psychopath who was accusing him of a crime he had no time commit, but, no one was buying Lucas’ ranting, especially given what Luke had done to his own father.

Phillip, meanwhile, was standing off to one side, trying to calm someone on the phone down. It was probably Gretchen.

Lucas had his lawyer glasses on, the big, bottle-bottom spectacles he never wore unless he was trying to look legal. He’d been on the golf course. I could tell because of the hideous argyle sweater-vest and golf shorts he was wearing. No man his age or his size should ever wear shorts.

“My son is a lot of things!” Lucas proclaimed. “He’s a liar and a crook and an embezzler and, at the very least, a con artist. But, he’s not a rapist!”

I heard he cheated at Monopoly, too.

“Violet!” Phillip said when he saw me. I was still standing over by the door, watching everything going on. They were bringing Luke back from booking. His hands were cuffed in front of him. When he saw me - well, when he saw Violet’s face - his own lit up.

That’s why I had to make a show of hugging Phillip. Luke looked like someone kicked him in the groin as they rushed him into the interrogation room. He wasn’t the only one who didn’t like my little display. I could feel Violet stirring, but, I did everything I could to suppress her. This was, after all, for the best.

“I need to go help my father. He’s not exactly being rational right now.” Phillip kissed my cheek and went over to his dad, whose face was red as he yelled at the arresting officer.

I saw my chance and started for the interrogation room, but was stopped by one of the Keystone Cops. He was feeding himself a jelly doughnut. “Where do you think you’re going?” He asked.

“Oh, officer. I was just wanting to see my friend while his lawyers get everything straightened out.” Bat your eyelashes and pretend you’re attracted to them. It’s the first step of getting what you want from a man. I learned that from Daisy.

“Alright, but, just for a minute.” He said.

Luke was sitting at the table in the center of the interrogation room, looking none too amused by seeing me hugging Phillip. The officer who was inside stepped out, closing the door behind her. When he saw me, he tried to stand, but, he’d been cuffed to the table. I took a seat across from him in one of the aluminum chairs.

“Violet.” He looked so happy and unhappy at the same time. “What are you doing here?”

“Phillip called and said you were arrested.” I tried to sound dumb and aloof like her. “But, I know you didn’t do it, because, we were together all night.”

“Right,” Luke said. “So, all we have to do is tell them that.”

I shook my head. “You don’t understand. Last night was a huge mistake. No one can know about it. I misunderstood everything. Phillip wasn’t breaking up with me, he was ending his relationship with Alison.” I showed him the ring still on my hand.

“Violet!” He exclaimed, raising his voice. “You can’t be serious. Last night was not a mistake. You and I both know it.”

“Sorry, Luke. I mean, if you want to tell him, I guess you can, but, it’d devastate him to know his fiancée and his brother slept together. Do you really want to hurt him like that?”

He was staring at me in disbelief. “You can’t be serious. There’s something wrong. There has to be. Even if you did misunderstand things with Phillip, there’s no erasing what we did.”

I leaned back. “No, but, we can pretend it didn’t happen and we can manufacture another alibi for you. You’re so adept at lying and pulling wool over people’s eyes. That way, I get to stay with the man I love. You get to keep your relationship with your brother and everybody’s happy.”

His mouth was hanging open. I don’t think he’d ever been so shocked before in his life. I wondered if part of him knew he wasn’t talking to Violet. If it did, he wouldn’t have time to react.

“CALL 9-1-1!” Someone shouted out front. I raced over to the door to the interrogation room, yanking it open. Someone had fallen or something. Everyone was gathered around a man…a man in ugly shorts. It was Lucas.

Luke tried to get up, but couldn’t. “Dad?” He shouted when he saw beyond me.

Phillip was next to his father, who was clutching his chest. “It’s his heart!” Phillip screamed.

“Dad!” Luke called, struggling with the shackles. One of the officers came in and told him to calm down. “That’s my father!”

“Please!” Phillip yelled out into the growing crowd. “Someone do something!”

Lucas was struggling for breath, his face red as he clawed at and tugged on the sweater-vest.

“Dad, just hang on,” Phillip begged him. “Help’s coming.”

But, help would arrive too late. Lucas Mercer would live out the last few minutes of his life on the VHPD floor with everyone watching and no one doing much of anything because to be a cop in Vienna Heights, your IQ must be double digits or lower. Before dying, though, I watched him pull Phillip down and whisper his final words into his younger son’s ear while his elder son watched on, restrained and horrified.

Lucas Mercer didn’t know it, but his picking that exact moment to expire helped me immensely.