Truth in Politics

“Okay Senators, welcome to today’s debate. Remember, you are both hooked up to lie detectors so please try your best to tell the truth.”

“You can count on me Bob.”

“Senator McCain, that was your very first statement and already you have set off the alarm. I want to caution you that those watching at home can tell when you are lying. Now, Senator Obama, do you really think that your plan to tax the oil companies will work? If not, please explain.”

“Bob, there is no way in hell that my plan will work. I only made the suggestion based on data that shows the American public knows very little about the impact of various economic decisions. It sounded good so I said it.”

“Thank you Senator for your somewhat troubling yet completely honest answer.”

“Did you know that Obama’s middle name is Hussein?”

“Senator McCain, thanks for that totally irrelevant comment, however I would like to ask you to please wait your turn.”

“I’m just saying.”

“Yes, Senator, I know. Now here is one for you. Why do you think we need to win in Iraq?”

“Well Bob, winning is everything. There are winners and there are losers and winners win and losers are just filthy terrorists. Hussein sounds like a terrorist name to me, so therefore we should stay and win no matter what the cost.”

“Surprisingly, that comment didn’t set off any alarms, audible ones anyway. You actually believe what you just said...amazing....anyway, let's continue. Senator Obama, why did you change your stance on campaign spending?”

“I saw that I could kill two birds with one stone. First of all, by turning down federal funds, I appear to not be wasting government money. Secondly, I can now spend my own vast funds any way that I wish. This gives me a chance to buy votes as opposed to earning them.”

“Another honest and troubling response. Senator McCain, do you want to comment?”

“I remember when I was a prisoner of war for six years. That’s where I got the idea for a gas tax holiday. Just think about it, free money. We give up the gas tax for a few months and never have to worry about paying it back.”

“We are going to pause for a moment. We are experiencing some technical difficulties. Not only did the lie detector alarm go off, someone apparently activated a laugh track as well.”

“Okay, it looks like everything is ready to go. I would like you both to make a statement about the environment.”

“I just want to say that Senator McCain wants to kill polar bears and otters for pleasure.”

“And I want to say that Senator Obama wants to see gas go to $10 a gallon.”

“I’m sorry folks. We are going to have to take a commercial break. The lie detector has overheated and caused a small fire in the green room. We will be back with more Truth in Politics in just a moment.”

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