Bitch

         You were like a dream. Not one of those dreams where you run around looking for your pants and wondering what the hell is going on; no, the kind of dream where you fly and jump and feel weightless. I had been with girls before, even gotten laid a few times. But I've never looked at a girl before and been scared by how happy she made me. You were prettier than the other girls I'd been with before. You were intelligent and funny and gorgeous. Underneath it all though, you were a complete and utter bitch.
         You laughed at me a lot. But I didn't mind. You would roll your eyes and shove me lightly when I talked. You laughed when I tried to be serious. When we kissed for the first time you giggled and asked if I had taken lessons from my vacuum cleaner. I laughed too, but do you know what that comment did to me? Well, do you? It tore my whole fucking life apart! No guy likes to be compared to a household appliance, especially not in the romantic field. I even asked one of my old girlfriends if she thought I was a bad kisser. She said she wouldn't have wasted six months on me if she thought so, but what the hell do ex girlfriends know? You weren't like all the others. You were different. You made me different.
         We started dating the summer before college. You were an ivy leaguer. I had gotten into a state school. Don't get me wrong--I'm relatively smart--but definitely not ivy. More like dandelion weed. Well, hopefully a more masculine weed, but you know what I mean. I knew that we were living in a twilight zone, the odd transition place between high school and college. And I knew that we were in different leagues, worlds apart, whose distance could not be crossed long term. You had grown up in a house that drank herbal tea and hung black and white photos of dead trees and discussed how Nietzsche was vastly over rated. I didn't even know who Nietzsche was. At the beginning, I intended to break up with you two weeks before leaving for college. It was enough time to still have fun with a girl over the summer, but no teary goodbyes. But you were perfect. I don't know when I started falling for you, but I think it had to do with all the time we spent on the beach. Beaches are crappy places to go if you're trying not to fall in love with a girl. We would swim, laze about on the sand, and watch the big boats go by. I didn’t love you at first. I still regarded you as my summer girlfriend. A casual fling to color up my last summer home. But sometimes when you looked at me and smiled, the whole beach seemed muted compared to you. You liked to sit higher up on the dunes and play that game where you have to answer any question the other person asks. One night you smiled and randomly asked me what I was most afraid of. And for some reason, that smile convinced me. Falling in love, I told you, and I kissed you. Then you made the vacuum cleaner comment. Bitch.
         So I didn't break up with you. To my surprise, you didn't break up with me either. In the beginning we saw each other every weekend, and then every other weekend. We would talk on the phone for hours, but you always seemed distracted. You began to make excuses to not visit or call. I knew the end was near and I would have done anything to stop it. So I did everything I could to speed up the end, by being as clingy as possible. I couldn't imagine my life without you. You were everything to me. There were twenty thousand people going to my university at that time. But I didn’t have eyes for any girl but you. But you had eyes for other boys. I found you with another guy when I decided to surprise you by driving the three hours to your college. Do you even know how fucking expensive gas is these days? We both stared at each other for a moment, then you said sorry and shut the door in my face. I just wanted to let you know that I should have known you were a bitch before then. I hope you have fun with your new ivy league boy toy. Bitch.