Wonderland Uncovered in Western NC

A startling discovery was uncovered in a previously unexplored cave at the base of Looking Glass Mountain in Brevard, NC by a troop of Boy Scouts. While out hiking, the boys had ducked into the cave for shelter from a storm. While surveying the cave surroundings, a gleaming object near the center of the cavern caught the eye of Charles Lutwidge Dodgson IV, who rushed over to see the shining treasure. He discovered a Daliesque time piece melted over a moderately sized glass coffin which held Alice's remains. "Phantasmagoric! Look at this", he shouted to his scout master, Dorian Mouse.

Experts have verified that the perfectly preserved, mummified body, dressed in a cornflower blue aproned dress, is that of Alice in Wonderland. According to Colin Duckworth, an expert anthropologist specializing in mummification, the body was laid out similarly to that of Sleeping Beauty, whose mummified remains were located in 1992, not far from this recent find in Transylvania County. He said authorities are questioning local undertakers for clues about the identity of the person responsible for preserving these national treasures. It is believed that it is the handiwork of the same individual.

Even more important to the find, an anthropology team on the scene uncovered Alice's rabbit hole underneath the coffin after it had been moved. The first treasure unearthed was Alice's looking glass, found just beneath the surface of the rabbit hole. Authorities speculated that Looking Glass Mountain's name may have originated from the Alice legend and not, as previously believed, from the mirrored effect the mountain's rock face reflected as viewed from the Blueridge Parkway during the winter months.

"I feel like I'm hunting a Snark in the land of Red Queens and Mad Hatters. I hope I don't lose my head over this excavation!" exclaimed Harold Dumpty (aka Humpty) the lead archaeologist on this mission. Historian and genealogist, Gryphon Turtle is looking for non-refutable evidence proving a familial relationship between Sleeping Beauty and Alice. He speculates, that perhaps the two woman were known in the community as two of the Lidell sisters and hypothesized that the third sister may also be preserved somewhere in the Looking Glass wilderness. It is believed that the three women had captured the imagination and heart of Lewis Carroll who wrote what is now believed to be Alice's biography. An entire episode of Alice's life entitled "A Wasp in a Wig", lost for over 100 years was found in a lot auctioned by Sotheby's in 1974. This lost chapter in her life is what is believed to have driven Alice to a drug induced madness leading to the Mad Tea Party held for Brevard's Garden Club. Carroll is believed to have been Alice's supplier. With a grin as wide as a Cheshire cat, Carroll had always denied those allegations.

National Nonsense news had previously published letters written by Carroll to the sisters in the late 1800s after their discovery in 1989. Our reporters will continue to stay on the scene in anticipation of perhaps getting an interview with the March Hare and Door Mouse who might be able to shed more light on what actually can be found in Wonderland. We are also told that Disney is negotiating with Brevard County officials to create a Wonderland Theme Park at the base of Looking Glass Mountain. Clearance from the National Forest authorities is necessary to achieve opening a park in Pisgah Forest. It is believed the money received from the sale of Looking Glass to Disney will make a significant dent in the National Debt. More to follow as life in Wonderland is uncovered.