Dinner Party

After several hours of languishing in Rectum, waiting for Anus to let him out, Fart had had enough. He was growing exponentially by the hour, and he was feeling constricted.

“Let me out, Anus. I need to get out this second.”

Anus tightened up as Fart pushed up against her.

“Absolutely not! I’m under strict orders. Nothing in and nothing out.”

“There’s hardly any room in here.” Fart pushed harder, trying to wear Anus down, but she was determined to hold strong.

“I’m sorry,” she said, but there are important people out there, and we can’t have you running around fouling everything up.”

“For goodness sakes, just crack a little,” Fart begged. “Just a little bit. You won’t even notice me leaving.”

“No!” Anus snapped. “I told you, I’m under strict orders. Now let me be. I have to concentrate.”

“You know, it used to be that I could just leave whenever I wanted to. It didn’t matter who was around. Remember that?”

“Yes, but…”

“Yes, but you’ve become a tightass!” Fart yelled. He twisted on himself, banging against Rectum as he made his way back up and away from Anus.

“Anus, please,” Rectum said. “I can’t take much more of this. Fart is growing by the minute. And you must know that there’s more on the way.”

Anus didn’t answer. She just tightened as best as she could.

“Oh, just forget it, Rectum. She’s an asshole.” Fart lurched up through Rectum.

“Where are you going?” Rectum asked.

“Back where I came from I guess.”

Fart gurgled up to Colon.

“Oh no! No way!” Colon yelled. “You’re not getting back in here, I’m packed full. I’m gonna have to purge soon.”

“Well, you can’t,” Fart said. “Anus is under strict orders not to let anyone out down there, being a real bitch about it, too. Wouldn’t even let me sneak out.”

“Well, that’s too bad, ‘cause listen…”

“I don’t hear anything…”

“Shh! Listen. She’s eating.”

Fart listened, and sure enough he heard silverware tinkling against plates. There was music and conversation, too.

“Oh for goodness sakes!” Fart cried. “Is she insane? Anus is on lockdown and she’s eating more food? Where’s it gonna go? There’s barely any room in here as it is!”

“I’ll tell you where it’s gonna go, it’s gonna come right down here. Which means…”

“No,” Fart said.

“Yes,” Colon said.

“Don’t,” Fart whined.

“I can’t help it,” Colon said. Then he let out Turd. Fart was knocked out of the way.

“Hey!”

“Sorry,” Colon said. “Gotta make room for the new shit.”

Fart was angry. He did not like tight spaces, and now he had to hang out with Turd while she enjoyed herself, having dinner and drinks. Surely, she must feel them all knocking around in here. She must have heard him yelling at Anus. And she just went about her business without a care in the world, as if he wasn’t even there.

“I won’t stand for this,” Fart said. “Come on, Turd. Were gonna go down to Anus and talk some sense into her.”

Fart squeezed his way back down through Rectum, Turd following right behind. Rectum groaned.

“Fart, I cannot accommodate all this. I’m not designed for storage.”

“I know, I know. I’m gonna take care of this.”

When Fart and Turd reached Anus, she was struggling.

“Let us out!” Fart demanded.

“Please! There’s no more room!” Turd said.

“No!” Anus said. She was huffing and puffing, trying hard to keep control. “Strict orders…” There was no way she could keep this up. “Nothing in… or out…”

“What’s that noise?” Turd asked.

There was riotous laughter, and everything was shaking and cramping up. Rectum started to contract.

“Anus!” Rectum said.

“No!” Anus answered.

Fart was shoved up hard against Anus.

“Get away!” Anus yelled.

“No! I want out!”

The laughter and contractions became uncontrollable, and Fart gave one final shove. He broke past Anus with a triumphant, ear-splitting roar.

Turd followed right behind.