Heartbreak and Hope

HEARTBREAK AND HOPE

You know that feeling you get when your heart’s just been broken; like it’s just been placed in a vice and the handle turned until it just exploded? Then you get that empty feeling like you’re on a boat with no sails in the middle of a calm sea with no land in sight. I can’t think of a feeling worse than that.

What is it about heartbreak that changes you? You transform somehow, as if you experienced some horrible metamorphosis into this creature that’s no longer happy. Where everything’s so dull; the grass isn’t as green, the trees look like deformed hands reaching for you, and the sky suddenly looks like it’s hiding some great storm that will carry your life away with its winds. And then you begin to think, “Well maybe that just wouldn’t be so bad.” You lose all hope and trust in human goodness and start to tell yourself that love is just a lie, a made-up word that people use to make themselves feel like they’re wanted. And you’ll do anything to take your mind off of it; anything to kill the pain.

Months will go by and you just feel like you’re drifting through with no direction or destination. And that cloudless storm still stays in the sky every day, threatening to rain down on you.

Then one day a little light shines through and hits our shoulders. You look up into the sky and a feeling, a familiar emotion, a substance hits you: Hope. And you begin to think, maybe love is real. For the first time in a what felt like ages, you begin to entertain the idea of loving again. Suddenly you feel like that old house on the hill, you know, the one with stories of hauntings written about it; but that old house has new paint now. And you say, “Maybe now I can let somebody in here, it’s not so scary and dark anymore.”

That is the greatest feeling in the world.