In Memoriam

In Memoriam

“I hope you’re waiting for me somewhere out there
In a place where we can hold each other again
You went first, I’ll come right after you
I miss you, I hope you can hear me”


“Do you know a boy called Emil Lindquist?” My mother asked me.

“I don’t know him personally, but Agnes from my class is his girlfriend” I told her.

“Agnes is the one who’s pregnant right?”

“Yea, she’s in 5th month or so. She has gotten really big actually”

“Emil died of an heart attack this morning. They don’t know why. It’s sad the way the nature hits the young healthy people”

“He died?” I said. I didn’t know what to say. I just couldn’t stop thinking about Agnes. How would she feel? I didn’t know how to feel myself, because I didn’t know Emil. But he was the father of Agnes baby, and I knew Agnes. I almost felt like I knew Emil too, even though Agnes never spoke of him. She kept him to herself, but they were really in love. Tears formed in my eyes. It wasn’t because of Emil, but Agnes. She was probably crying right now.
“Agnes, she…” I tailed off. The tears ran down my cheek.

“Poor girl. She will ran through dark times. It’s going to be hard on her. Will you please help her, as much as she allows you too? Don’t ever push her. Please be wise. All her decisions effects the baby.”

“I never thought I would feel like this. I don’t know Emil, but it feels like he's so close to me, you know. Agnes is alone now. It feels like I’m alone now. I’m shocked and frightened.” I told my mother. I always told her how I felt. I knew her in and out, and I could tell her everything without getting embarrassed. I took a deep breath. “What shall a do now?”

“I don’t think you shall do anything for now. Agnes has to get used to the thought at first. I know it’s hard, but try to put yourself in her position. What would you want?” She told me.
“I’ll go to my room, if that’s okay with you?”

“Of course it is, but please tell me, if you need anything. I know it hits you hard, because you know Agnes.” I left for my room to think. It was like I was lost in space. I was scared and I cried.

The following week Agnes didn’t turn up at school, and everybody was feeling sorry for her. We all went to the funeral to show our respect.


“Emil…” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Agnes was trying to say her last words to Emil, and making sure he would be send to the other place in safety hands. “This is really hard.” She paused again. “Emil was the only person, I have met, who made me 100% complete. He could read me like a book and always knew if something was wrong. He was fair and knew how to treat people. He treated them fair. When I found out I was pregnant I was afraid to tell him, because I didn’t know how he would react. When I told him he smiled. He couldn’t stop smiling. He wanted to scream and tell the world. He was so proud and happy. He wanted to know what sex the child is, and he knows. He’s the only one who knows. He never told me, he gave me his word and never told me. Every day he talked to the baby and he read baby books. He knows so much more than I do.
He loved so many things. He loved hanging out at my parents place, even though I wasn’t there. My dad and Emil watch the Star Wars every first Saturday in the month. He couldn’t see them too many times. I will miss Emil deeply and I can’t wait to meet him again on the other side.” She hold her breath and started reading a poem. “This poem is written by Shel Silverstein. And I like to believe that Emil is at that place, described in the poem, right now:

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.

I Will remember him forever, and I will never be able to describe the loss. No one can complete me, but Emil.” She ended with these word. The most of the people, including me, had tears in the eyes, and some made crying noises. I had never thought I would get in that position, and next time it might be me standing were Agnes was standing and reading lines as clear as she was able too.
At the graveyard she had beautiful flowers and a beautiful stone, with these words engraved:

“I hope you’re waiting for me somewhere out there
In a place where we can hold each other again
You went first, I’ll come right after you
I miss you, I hope you can hear me
- Agnes”

When I saw those words, I thought she would come back to life and live the rest of her life as a writer.
Agnes began to show up at school again. She looked depressed and hardly ever smiled. We didn’t really know what to say to her, we just tried to stay as normal as possible. What if she thought it was respectless off us, to just pretend nothing ever happened. Well, we didn’t pretend nothing ever happened, we just tried not to mention Emil, but we cared about her, and not wanted to make her sad in school time. She had a lot on her mind, and it wouldn’t help, if we went on about Emil and how sorry we were. In an aged of only 18 Agnes has lost the love of her life, and was pregnant with his baby. She was standing alone in all this mess. We helped her, but true facts was that she was alone.
When she had finally started to come back to school every day, she stopped coming at all. She was 8 months pregnant, and we thought she had left because of the pregnancy, but the school told us, that she was nowhere to be found. We got worried and tried to keep an eye out for Agnes, but we didn’t see her, and what we didn’t know, was that we would never see her again. Everybody was worried sick and we tried to keep positive.

100 miles away a girl were standing with her eyes closed on the edge of a cliff. She was spreading her arms like she was about to fly away. The girl was dirty and drained from blood. The rain was pouring and she was soaked. She had been crying for days you could tell, and she hadn’t been eaten for a few days. She was drained from power and white in the face. Only her eyes were red and swollen. Her pretty face was hidden behind her long blonde hair. Just as it looked like she was about to jumped, she turned around and ran over the hills. She fell and screamed. She was pregnant the poor girl, and the labor was about to begin. She got up and ran. She ran and ran until she reached the highway. When she reached it she fell. She closed her eyes, and it all turned black. She could hear voices, and feel people carrying her, but she could do nothing. '

“When she wakes up and gets some water, we have to start the birth right away. The baby will not survive otherwise.”

When the girl woke up and got some water she was set into labor.

“What’s your name?” The doctor asked.

“Agnes” She said.

“Okay Agnes. You will have to do as I say. Your baby is ready to come out. You just have to push.” He told her. She started to push and scream. She screamed so loud, that the whole floor must have heard it.

“One more time, and you can hold your little baby” She pushed one final time. “Congratulation. It’s a girl.” The doctor said and smiled.

“Can I please hold her, and then I’ll die.” She said. The doctor looked at her.

“The death isn’t a game. You must keep quiet about it. You are young and you should not worry about it.” He said and passed the little baby girl to Agnes.

“I will call her Emilee Agnes Lindquist, then she has her father’s name, Emil, and her mother’s name Agnes. I will bring her all my luck.” The girl kissed the baby on the forehead and slowly closed her eyes.

“Don’t you want to keep the child?” The doctor asked and looked at the girl. He looked at her, and then quickly took the baby away. “I need some help here. I can’t find her pulse. We need to give her an electric shock. Agnes, stay with me. Stay with me. It’s finished, your baby is safe. Emilee needs you.”

That was how she died. She knew she was going to die, and the doctor couldn’t stop her from dying. She couldn’t live without Emil, and she knew it would be easier for Emilee to grow up in another family, because Emilee had never bonded with her mom and dad. She would love her new family and Agnes would get the long lasting peace she had been waiting for. You went first, I’ll come right after you. She meant every word she ever said.