I guess you just have to be there....

It had only been about six months.He had already mentioned marriage, and I was just beginning to wrap my head around that idea. That is when I noticed the signs that were, unfortunately, familiar to me. How I was familiar  with them will come another day.

I was late. Only by a few days, but late nontheless. I was emotional. So emotional in fact that we had argued days before and I cried about it. My breast were swollen and sore, and I was so bloated I had to unbutton my pants when I sat down. Now, of course with the talk of marriage, came the talk of children. I knew,however, that I wanted them to come in a certain order. Now I have had a scare or two in my day, (What  fertile woman has not) so  I tried to be calm. Something inside of me (no pun intended) told me this was more than a scare.

For about a week, I had been jokingly saying things like, "Man my boobs are huge! I must be pregnant." Those remarks came, of course, before I realized they were swollen not because of my period, but lack there of. Anyway, on the way home, I casually suggested that we stop by the local drug store. Now, my boyfriend is not an idiot.. he had definately noticed the few extra days of sex that he had gotten. When he asked me what I needed to buy, as nonchalantly as possible, I said " I need to buy a pregancy test." And what seemed like as nonchalantly, he said "Oh okay." I honestly don't know if he was playing some sort of ninja mind trick or what, but I was thinking "Oh Okay?!" Are you freaking kidding me?"

So, in we go (followed by his little brother who was visiting at the time, which made it even more nerve wrecking). Down the aisle, past the shampoos, hair dyes, and ironically enough.. the condoms, there they are.The PTs(as my friends and I referred to them in high school). About two dozen different brands, different prices, different colors, different times you can take them, multipacks, and digital readouts to choose from. Great. I scan for a minute or two and pick one that is moderately priced. Two in the pack (just to make sure). We walk up to the counter, and I smile quickly, trying not to look terrified. We get in the car and start making our way home. The store is close to the apartment complex, which I was surprised to notice I was relieved about. In we turn, and we start making our way over the thirty speed bumps that lead to his apartment building. Okay, there were not thirty but it felt like it. It seemed like I only felt a heart beat when we went over a bump.

He parks the car as I grab my bag from the floorboard. Okay, here we go. I head into the apartment, and straight back to the bathroom. I open the pack to read the instructions. I know you just pee on it, but I was determined to do this the right way. Okay...

1. open foil packet
2. remove cover on tip
3.hold downward in stream of urine for 15 seconds
4. replace cover on tip of test
5. lay on flat surface for 3 mins
6. two lines you are pregnant, one line you are not

Sounds simple enough. Then the fine print  " for more accurate results, you may urinate into a clean, dry cup and submerge tip for no more than five seconds."

Well, you're damn right I walked right into the kitchen and got myself a cup from the cabinet. So, I did my business, and I waited. Three minutes. I left the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I sat on the bed beside my boyfriend who, still as cool as ever asked me " Oh, you are taking it tonight?" Um... YES!  Three minutes passed and I went in to face the truth. Two lines. I'm pregnant. What my body had been telling me for weeks was confirmed in just three minutes.

I was completely speechless as I walked out of the bathroom. He just looked at me and said, "Well, what did it say?" I still could not say anything. I think I was in shock, and my face said it all. That's when I saw the cool fade, just slightly. " Stop playing." he said. All I could do was walk into the bathroom and grab the test. I handed it to him, and he just stared at it blankly. "What does that mean?" Are you kidding me? I went back into the bathroom and grabbed the instructions from the sink. When he finally put two and two together, his mouth dropped and all he could manage is an " oooh." The cool was finally gone from his face, as he sat down on the bed. " Are you ok?" I asked him. " I'm fine, I just need to lay down." He was clearly as shocked as I was. "I thought you would be happier, that's all."
"I am happy, come lay down with me." he said.

After a short cuddle sesion, the reality set in. We are going to be parents. Someone is going to call me mom. He is going to be a father. Wow. That's the word that best describes the feeling you get when you realize what a huge impact a baby is going to have on your life. I have thought about having children for a few years, but there is no way I could comprehend the emotions going through me when I realized I was really going to have a child. WE were going to have a child.

  After a few hours, the feeling inside began to change. The shock and fear was turning into feelings of peace and somehow, a sense of accomplishment. We had made something.... someone. A tiny person that was going to look and act like us. I asked myself why I had been so afraid to begin with. My boyfriend is a wonderful person. The qualities that I love about him were going to be reproduced into a smaller version of us. The financial part didn't seem so big compared to what we did have to offer. Love, discipline, friendship, character, humility, and not to mention good looks.

All in all, this miracle that millions of women go through is always a unique experience. No one feels or reacts the same way. Although sometimes the financial aspects still put a little strain on us, I would not trade it for anything. Seeing my daughter grow from what seemed like a tiny speck into what will soon be a beautiful newborn, and eventully a woman who will have children of her own is something that I know will only get better with time.