Splendid Torture...

Splendid Torture

A stupor wraps around me
as along my life I go.
I find such little solace
in the people that I know.
For deep within my being
lies a questioning of pride -
Have I replaced my former self
to be Thy useless guide?

It’s hard to find life’s meanings
deep within a battered soul.
My constant stream of struggles
have exacted quite a toll.
And even though I go to Thee
in humble, loving praise;
my faithfulness - I squander
in my nights and in my days.

Thy realm – it overwhelms me
with Thy girth, so justly vast.
To share Thy truth seems daunting
and to this, I’ve been miscast.
Thy soldiers – You have many
who stand by and give results.
My manner is not worthy –
and my ways, they just insult.

I cannot seem to muster
driven drives that hide within –
I rarely ever answer them
(unless upon a whim.)
Dishonor rides upon me
as I buck and as I stray.
I talk the talk without the walk –
with little right to pray.

My God! Thy splendid torture
grows more potent through the years –
How many times I’ve challenged Thee
in anguish and in tears.
My inner force awakens
deep within Thy Holy Space...
I sit upon an empty throne –
ashamed to share Thy Grace.